Post by jay33433 on Jan 26, 2019 17:18:35 GMT
Hi all,
I posted here recently about this guy I'm seeing who I suspect is DA. We've been casually seeing each other (both agreed upon this) for 3 years because he's in the military and I'm in college. He just got out officially and I graduate in a few months. He doesn't text me very often, but will often call and talk for hours at a time, and the last time he called he's been talking about making things official with me now that we're both not going to be long distance anymore. I've had my hesitancies about this because he's had a pattern of going radio silent on my for months (he says it's because he's away for months at a time with no service, which I know is mostly true, but there are times he could reach out and doesn't). I've communicated to him how much that hurts me when he does that and it's happened a few times while he was in the military. Last night he called me to work things out and I gently brought up the idea of attachment theory and how I think he shows a lot of traits of a dismissive avoidant. To my surprise, he agreed with me- I sent him an article and we read through the points together. He didn't match all of the signs, but there was a good chunk of them that describe him very well. I wanted to make him aware of this avoidance, and he really seemed to acknowledge it. He told me he had a great childhood as far as being raised by his parents, so I'm not sure if that's what caused it. However, he did vaguely mention that he was hurt in the past, so I'm guessing it could have been a past relationship- I know the last one he was in wasn't so great. He's expressed how he can be reluctant to get into a relationship, but he says how much he wants to be with me and that I'm "the one". He tells me that I'm such a good girl and that I've always been there for him more than anyone else has. I genuinely have fallen for him, but I've remained adamant that if we were to actually get into a relationship then he would have put some efforts in as far as more consistent communication and seeing me goes. He seemed to agree to this, but I'm curious to see if he actually keeps his word. I was very supportive to him last night and gave gentle reminders that I'm here for him and I'm not going to hurt him. I want to make this work more than anything- I know that relationships take effort from both sides and I'm more than willing to do that, but I just want my needs to be met. Do you think that there's a possibility for him to develop a secure attachment style? I just don't want to wait my time on something that's not going to change.
I posted here recently about this guy I'm seeing who I suspect is DA. We've been casually seeing each other (both agreed upon this) for 3 years because he's in the military and I'm in college. He just got out officially and I graduate in a few months. He doesn't text me very often, but will often call and talk for hours at a time, and the last time he called he's been talking about making things official with me now that we're both not going to be long distance anymore. I've had my hesitancies about this because he's had a pattern of going radio silent on my for months (he says it's because he's away for months at a time with no service, which I know is mostly true, but there are times he could reach out and doesn't). I've communicated to him how much that hurts me when he does that and it's happened a few times while he was in the military. Last night he called me to work things out and I gently brought up the idea of attachment theory and how I think he shows a lot of traits of a dismissive avoidant. To my surprise, he agreed with me- I sent him an article and we read through the points together. He didn't match all of the signs, but there was a good chunk of them that describe him very well. I wanted to make him aware of this avoidance, and he really seemed to acknowledge it. He told me he had a great childhood as far as being raised by his parents, so I'm not sure if that's what caused it. However, he did vaguely mention that he was hurt in the past, so I'm guessing it could have been a past relationship- I know the last one he was in wasn't so great. He's expressed how he can be reluctant to get into a relationship, but he says how much he wants to be with me and that I'm "the one". He tells me that I'm such a good girl and that I've always been there for him more than anyone else has. I genuinely have fallen for him, but I've remained adamant that if we were to actually get into a relationship then he would have put some efforts in as far as more consistent communication and seeing me goes. He seemed to agree to this, but I'm curious to see if he actually keeps his word. I was very supportive to him last night and gave gentle reminders that I'm here for him and I'm not going to hurt him. I want to make this work more than anything- I know that relationships take effort from both sides and I'm more than willing to do that, but I just want my needs to be met. Do you think that there's a possibility for him to develop a secure attachment style? I just don't want to wait my time on something that's not going to change.
