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Post by kibbins on Feb 2, 2019 6:59:02 GMT
So if anyone had followed my story I cut it off with my DA after Thanksgiving and we didn't speak for a month+. When we did talk again his tune had completely changed. I am actually FA but the AP one in this relationship. It's been a month now and we have been making progress (actually was willing to meet my friends; communicate way better with me, open up about intimacy issues) although there were some hiccups where he retreated and ignored twice- I stayed calm and he came around a couple days later. Last night he did the most thoughtful (actually the only thoughtful) thing he has done since we started dating a year ago which was leave a gift by the door to my apt while i was at work at night. I was so shocked I cried. Today he said he was trying to work to improve himself and said he quit his therapist who I knew was essentially a "yes man" and knew nothing about attachment disorders, apparently his final "diagnosis" was that he was "obsessive". Um.. ha. He is DA/FA to a T. He asked me for help finding a new one. How do I find a decent attachment-based therapist?! Just google? Scared if i refer him to a bad fit he definitely won't go to another one. Even asking me this in a serious way is huge on his part. Another part of me is still trying to keep a foot out the door in case this is hopeless. But I'm willing to try.
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Post by faithopelove on Feb 2, 2019 7:29:48 GMT
So if anyone had followed my story I cut it off with my DA after Thanksgiving and we didn't speak for a month+. When we did talk again his tune had completely changed. I am actually FA but the AP one in this relationship. It's been a month now and we have been making progress (actually was willing to meet my friends; communicate way better with me, open up about intimacy issues) although there were some hiccups where he retreated and ignored twice- I stayed calm and he came around a couple days later. Last night he did the most thoughtful (actually the only thoughtful) thing he has done since we started dating a year ago which was leave a gift by the door to my apt while i was at work at night. I was so shocked I cried. Today he said he was trying to work to improve himself and said he quit his therapist who I knew was essentially a "yes man" and knew nothing about attachment disorders, apparently his final "diagnosis" was that he was "obsessive". Um.. ha. He is DA/FA to a T. He asked me for help finding a new one. How do I find a decent attachment-based therapist?! Just google? Scared if i refer him to a bad fit he definitely won't go to another one. Even asking me this in a serious way is huge on his part. Another part of me is still trying to keep a foot out the door in case this is hopeless. But I'm willing to try. When I found my therapist I called several local therapists I found online and talked to them on the phone before scheduling the initial consult- I asked if they dealt with attachment trauma and expressed my desire to explore mine. I eliminated several this way...I was left with a few who seemed to have a solid understanding and practice dealing w attachment. I think it’s best to schedule with a few different therapists and then decide which one is the best fit for you based on their technique, competence and overall connection to you. It’s probably best if your partner does the legwork to find one since he’ll have to be the one comfortable with the therapist- even if you steer him in a general direction. |
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Post by 8675309 on Feb 2, 2019 16:31:59 GMT
There is a site where listed therapists who work with attachment local to you. www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapistsI hit on the site looking for my area. They have their specialties listed.
And what said above in checking on a handful to see who works.
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