Post by emmatill on Feb 16, 2019 19:55:09 GMT
Hi you guys. I've been reading this forum for two years now. I've yet to post.
Anyway, I dated a DA in dental school. He is five years older than me. I knew something was different about him from day one, but I liked it a lot. He was very quiet, and seemed pretty cynical. At the same time however, he was very caring and understanding. Part of me wondered if he was on the spectrum, but I do believe he is avoidant. He could not stand criticism, was very close with his family and would do anything for them, had an almost OCD-like feel to him about his apartment, and did not trust anybody. We hiked in the woods one day and he always had to walk about ten feet in front of me. Sometimes he could be a jerk and selfish, but other times he was extremely thoughtful and sweet. One of his best friends died in a car accident about ten years ago, and he still had pictures up of this friend in a few different spots in his home. He has been with a few other women, but he mentioned how the last one was too controlling, and the one before that he could not trust and assumed she only dated him to get to his best friend. He seemed to be jealous of his sister because she received a lot of attention at home. And from what it seemed to me, his brother made fun of him a bit while growing up.
One day I noticed that we started to argue more and more. He was being a complete jerk about some things... essentially he was being extremely selfish. It was wearing on me, so I told him that I thought we should not talk for two weeks until our board exams were over. He told me that he loved me and that was it. Nothing was ever the same after that. I think he felt rejected by me saying that. We broke up soon after this. I didn't hear from him for two months. I reached out because I missed him and asked if we could be friends. He said sure and that I am the person he talks to most in his life and shares the most with. We hung out as friends until we finished dental school. He seemed depressed and was losing a little weight. He seemed kind of out there and empty to be honest. He even admitted to being depressed, which is something that completely blew me away - totally unlike him to admit that.
The last time I saw him, I admitted to him that I still love him. He said he had a gut feeling that I did. He said he has decided that he doesn't want marriage, kids, or to even live in the same house as his significant other, and he knows I would not be okay with that. He was pacing back and forth and was extremely uncomfortable. He was also very irritated with me. I stormed off, but he ran after me to give me a hug. And I drove away crying the whole two hour drive back home. This was two years ago.
I've been moving on with my life, but I still think of him at least once a day. I thought I was over him, until I saw a tagged photo of him on facebook. When we graduated, he fell completely silent on social media. When I saw the pictures of him on facebook, I noticed that he was at a family holiday gathering. Everybody was happy, talking, and smiling in the photos. My ex, however, was sitting off to the side of the table. He looked thin, has a medium-length beard now (which is shocking if you know him), and was looking off in the distance. He looks pretty bad.
I reached out to a friend, and she told me a few things she had been holding back from me so that I could get over him. But I forced her to tell me. First, she said that he is not actually practicing dentistry! She said he has not passed all of his boards yet, despite graduating two years ago. She also mentioned that he is no longer friends with his best childhood friend that he was so close with while we dated. Something happened between them. And he is still living at home with his parents. I don't know what to do with all of this information. Feelings are flooding back. All I want to do is reach out, but I keep stopping myself.
Is there any chance here that his current situation will make him dig deep and try to fix some things? He used to tell me that he knows he has a lot to work on, but I don't know if this will be the thing to make him do that. I just need help sorting through all of this, because I'm starting to realize how emotionally numb and depressed I've been since we stopped talking, now that I have a glimpse into his current life.
Anyway, I dated a DA in dental school. He is five years older than me. I knew something was different about him from day one, but I liked it a lot. He was very quiet, and seemed pretty cynical. At the same time however, he was very caring and understanding. Part of me wondered if he was on the spectrum, but I do believe he is avoidant. He could not stand criticism, was very close with his family and would do anything for them, had an almost OCD-like feel to him about his apartment, and did not trust anybody. We hiked in the woods one day and he always had to walk about ten feet in front of me. Sometimes he could be a jerk and selfish, but other times he was extremely thoughtful and sweet. One of his best friends died in a car accident about ten years ago, and he still had pictures up of this friend in a few different spots in his home. He has been with a few other women, but he mentioned how the last one was too controlling, and the one before that he could not trust and assumed she only dated him to get to his best friend. He seemed to be jealous of his sister because she received a lot of attention at home. And from what it seemed to me, his brother made fun of him a bit while growing up.
One day I noticed that we started to argue more and more. He was being a complete jerk about some things... essentially he was being extremely selfish. It was wearing on me, so I told him that I thought we should not talk for two weeks until our board exams were over. He told me that he loved me and that was it. Nothing was ever the same after that. I think he felt rejected by me saying that. We broke up soon after this. I didn't hear from him for two months. I reached out because I missed him and asked if we could be friends. He said sure and that I am the person he talks to most in his life and shares the most with. We hung out as friends until we finished dental school. He seemed depressed and was losing a little weight. He seemed kind of out there and empty to be honest. He even admitted to being depressed, which is something that completely blew me away - totally unlike him to admit that.
The last time I saw him, I admitted to him that I still love him. He said he had a gut feeling that I did. He said he has decided that he doesn't want marriage, kids, or to even live in the same house as his significant other, and he knows I would not be okay with that. He was pacing back and forth and was extremely uncomfortable. He was also very irritated with me. I stormed off, but he ran after me to give me a hug. And I drove away crying the whole two hour drive back home. This was two years ago.
I've been moving on with my life, but I still think of him at least once a day. I thought I was over him, until I saw a tagged photo of him on facebook. When we graduated, he fell completely silent on social media. When I saw the pictures of him on facebook, I noticed that he was at a family holiday gathering. Everybody was happy, talking, and smiling in the photos. My ex, however, was sitting off to the side of the table. He looked thin, has a medium-length beard now (which is shocking if you know him), and was looking off in the distance. He looks pretty bad.
I reached out to a friend, and she told me a few things she had been holding back from me so that I could get over him. But I forced her to tell me. First, she said that he is not actually practicing dentistry! She said he has not passed all of his boards yet, despite graduating two years ago. She also mentioned that he is no longer friends with his best childhood friend that he was so close with while we dated. Something happened between them. And he is still living at home with his parents. I don't know what to do with all of this information. Feelings are flooding back. All I want to do is reach out, but I keep stopping myself.
Is there any chance here that his current situation will make him dig deep and try to fix some things? He used to tell me that he knows he has a lot to work on, but I don't know if this will be the thing to make him do that. I just need help sorting through all of this, because I'm starting to realize how emotionally numb and depressed I've been since we stopped talking, now that I have a glimpse into his current life.
