Post by sweetpea7788 on Dec 28, 2015 17:25:29 GMT
I have taken several assessments, including the one by Mr. Kinnison, and have been rated as secure. I am not sure if my boyfriend is avoidant, but it sure looks and feels that way to me. We have been together just over one year. He was in the Air Force 14 years, married for 17, and has two teenage daughters. He is no longer active duty. He was in the Iraq War, and has been diagnosed with depression and PTSD. He has a good job and works full time, although he misses a lot of work for not feeling well--always vague somatic complaints that are not serious. He has been divorced two years and is friendly with his ex.
In the beginning, he was funny, charming, kind, and thoughtful. He sent me texts in the morning and before going to bed at night. He wanted to see me all of the time. Five months in, I told him I loved him. He didn't say it back. I had a serious conversation with him and asked him what was behind that: Does he just need more time? He really doesn't have the same feelings? He said that he does love me but that he has a hard time expressing his feelings. He says he tries to show his feelings through behavior. He said that he does love me. I accepted that.
Now, it's taking a toll on my self-esteem. He still, after one year, only says I love you if I say it first, and sometimes he doesn't even say it back. He hardly ever calls me on the phone, everything is by text and it's usually just functional information. He hardly ever asks about my day or how I am. He almost never gives me compliments. He rolls his eyes at me and makes snide insults to me (as does his older teenage daughter). But he just took me on a trip with his two girls to be with his brother's family for Christmas. He made comments about our future together. Now after we are home and everything is back to normal, he withdrawals. I haven't seen him for a couple of days, which is fine as I know that all of that time with family and Christmas itself is exhausting. I sent him a text telling him Goodnight and I love you. I got back a one word response: Goodnight.
If I confront him about how he feels cold to me at times, he will say it was how he was raised; he often doesn't feel well; I'm too sensitive and needy. His behavior will improve for a week or so and then go back to being the same pull me close push me away pattern. He brings up his ex and speaks positively about her pretty frequently. There have been occasions when I am around her for children events, and she will not acknowledge my presence, but will talk to my boyfriend and make jokes with him. I am not expecting her friendship, but feel this is very disrespectful behavior to me.
I am hurt and tired. I give my best to this relationship and have been patient and understanding. I feel lonely, hurt, and am getting angry. The worst part is, I don't feel I can talk to him about it. I'll get an eye roll and be called too needy and sensitive. I'm getting fed up. But then I question myself: Am I over-reacting? Am I too needy and sensitive? Would I be letting a great guy go if I end it?
I would greatly appreciate some outside opinions.
Thank You!!
In the beginning, he was funny, charming, kind, and thoughtful. He sent me texts in the morning and before going to bed at night. He wanted to see me all of the time. Five months in, I told him I loved him. He didn't say it back. I had a serious conversation with him and asked him what was behind that: Does he just need more time? He really doesn't have the same feelings? He said that he does love me but that he has a hard time expressing his feelings. He says he tries to show his feelings through behavior. He said that he does love me. I accepted that.
Now, it's taking a toll on my self-esteem. He still, after one year, only says I love you if I say it first, and sometimes he doesn't even say it back. He hardly ever calls me on the phone, everything is by text and it's usually just functional information. He hardly ever asks about my day or how I am. He almost never gives me compliments. He rolls his eyes at me and makes snide insults to me (as does his older teenage daughter). But he just took me on a trip with his two girls to be with his brother's family for Christmas. He made comments about our future together. Now after we are home and everything is back to normal, he withdrawals. I haven't seen him for a couple of days, which is fine as I know that all of that time with family and Christmas itself is exhausting. I sent him a text telling him Goodnight and I love you. I got back a one word response: Goodnight.
If I confront him about how he feels cold to me at times, he will say it was how he was raised; he often doesn't feel well; I'm too sensitive and needy. His behavior will improve for a week or so and then go back to being the same pull me close push me away pattern. He brings up his ex and speaks positively about her pretty frequently. There have been occasions when I am around her for children events, and she will not acknowledge my presence, but will talk to my boyfriend and make jokes with him. I am not expecting her friendship, but feel this is very disrespectful behavior to me.
I am hurt and tired. I give my best to this relationship and have been patient and understanding. I feel lonely, hurt, and am getting angry. The worst part is, I don't feel I can talk to him about it. I'll get an eye roll and be called too needy and sensitive. I'm getting fed up. But then I question myself: Am I over-reacting? Am I too needy and sensitive? Would I be letting a great guy go if I end it?
I would greatly appreciate some outside opinions.
Thank You!!