Post by unluckyinlove on Mar 15, 2019 13:56:37 GMT
I’m feeling all kinds of anxious today. Honestly I feel like I’m racing a clock to try to heal from my breakup 4 months ago before I find out my ex has moved on....I know it’s going to crush me. Well because we run in the same circle, people I know keep finding the need to tell me things that I just don’t want to know!!! It’s super hard to try to focus on me and move past him but it’s harder when people feel the need to let me know unsolicited information.
Well I found out recently that my ex was on a rock cruise that I know costs more than his financial ability. It is also a cruise that is sold out a year in advance. I figured he must have had an opportunity to go that fell in his lap and to make a long story short....there’s a girl that has lots of money that literally chased him all through our relationship. My suspicions were confirmed last night that he went with her.
First off I’ll say that my work to secure really showed and I’m proud of that part. The source of the information is a new acquaintance that I’ve been feeling might be a bit of a gossip/drama queen/shit starter so I’ve been reluctant to really invest time in her. Well she calls me to tell me that he’s “seeing someone” and it’s another friend of hers and she “doesn’t want to get in the middle” so she’s not going to say who. I got upset with her and told her she can’t drop things like that on me and then not even come out with the facts. In the course of the conversation, she confirmed it was this girl I suspected.
Here’s what I’m proud of......I reined in my immediate emotional response and started asking questions instead. Come to find out that they most likely aren’t “seeing each other” and only went as friends. Yes this girl he went with has been chasing him during our relationship, but he always assured me that they were just friends...and I actually do believe him. Well this drama queen girl admitted that she never saw them hold hands or kiss or any other affection (I know my ex was very affectionate with me....especially on vacation) and she said she actually talked to him and assured him that what he did was his own business and she wouldn’t say anything to me (hmmmph) and his reply was that they were only there as friends. My ex is confused and disorganized regarding his emotions but he is most certainly not a liar. If he was “seeing” this girl, he’s single and has nothing to hide. He would have thanked the drama queen for her discretion.....not told her that he and this girl were just friends.
So I’m proud of my progress to heal my natural AP tendencies to jump to conclusions and I even called her out for bringing things to me when she doesn’t know the facts which goes against my natural discomfort in standing up for myself. I’m also going to work her out of my circle of friends based on this interaction...I don’t need friends like that.
I do feel anxious though knowing that he’s spending time with this girl who so blatantly disrespected our relationship and chased him. I asked him about her during our relationship and he always told me he knew he could have her easily if he wanted but he only saw her as a friend (they were in the same band together). He would always tell me that he was with ME and that’s who he chose. He also came back to me three times when he could have gone to her...so I believe him. But now that he is NOT choosing me, I feel like she may be low hanging fruit he is helping himself to in order to get past his own pain and loneliness. And honestly, I know him and I know that a friendship with benefits for him will likely turn into a relationship if that’s where she is pushing it.
Not sure what I’m looking for...:just something encouraging. I feel so discarded, betrayed, forgotten, insignificant...just to name a few. I’m really trying hard to move forward and feel like I keep getting pulled back in. Part of me just wants to disconnect, stop going out and hide from my life til I can climb back out of this spiral. But doing all of that I feel will also cause me anxiety because I’ll be left alone at home with just my thoughts. I think what makes this hardest was the way in which he left....so impulsive, no conversation to actually end our almost 3 year relationship and he left all his stuff that I just got back to him about a month ago. In my gut it still feels unfinished and very much alive. Things were good just before he ran away. I’ve had stronger than usual gut feelings just recently that he’s coming back and I’ve had about three people tell me that just in the last week even when I insist he’s not. How do you really heal with all this going on? I’m just frustrated.
Well I found out recently that my ex was on a rock cruise that I know costs more than his financial ability. It is also a cruise that is sold out a year in advance. I figured he must have had an opportunity to go that fell in his lap and to make a long story short....there’s a girl that has lots of money that literally chased him all through our relationship. My suspicions were confirmed last night that he went with her.
First off I’ll say that my work to secure really showed and I’m proud of that part. The source of the information is a new acquaintance that I’ve been feeling might be a bit of a gossip/drama queen/shit starter so I’ve been reluctant to really invest time in her. Well she calls me to tell me that he’s “seeing someone” and it’s another friend of hers and she “doesn’t want to get in the middle” so she’s not going to say who. I got upset with her and told her she can’t drop things like that on me and then not even come out with the facts. In the course of the conversation, she confirmed it was this girl I suspected.
Here’s what I’m proud of......I reined in my immediate emotional response and started asking questions instead. Come to find out that they most likely aren’t “seeing each other” and only went as friends. Yes this girl he went with has been chasing him during our relationship, but he always assured me that they were just friends...and I actually do believe him. Well this drama queen girl admitted that she never saw them hold hands or kiss or any other affection (I know my ex was very affectionate with me....especially on vacation) and she said she actually talked to him and assured him that what he did was his own business and she wouldn’t say anything to me (hmmmph) and his reply was that they were only there as friends. My ex is confused and disorganized regarding his emotions but he is most certainly not a liar. If he was “seeing” this girl, he’s single and has nothing to hide. He would have thanked the drama queen for her discretion.....not told her that he and this girl were just friends.
So I’m proud of my progress to heal my natural AP tendencies to jump to conclusions and I even called her out for bringing things to me when she doesn’t know the facts which goes against my natural discomfort in standing up for myself. I’m also going to work her out of my circle of friends based on this interaction...I don’t need friends like that.
I do feel anxious though knowing that he’s spending time with this girl who so blatantly disrespected our relationship and chased him. I asked him about her during our relationship and he always told me he knew he could have her easily if he wanted but he only saw her as a friend (they were in the same band together). He would always tell me that he was with ME and that’s who he chose. He also came back to me three times when he could have gone to her...so I believe him. But now that he is NOT choosing me, I feel like she may be low hanging fruit he is helping himself to in order to get past his own pain and loneliness. And honestly, I know him and I know that a friendship with benefits for him will likely turn into a relationship if that’s where she is pushing it.
Not sure what I’m looking for...:just something encouraging. I feel so discarded, betrayed, forgotten, insignificant...just to name a few. I’m really trying hard to move forward and feel like I keep getting pulled back in. Part of me just wants to disconnect, stop going out and hide from my life til I can climb back out of this spiral. But doing all of that I feel will also cause me anxiety because I’ll be left alone at home with just my thoughts. I think what makes this hardest was the way in which he left....so impulsive, no conversation to actually end our almost 3 year relationship and he left all his stuff that I just got back to him about a month ago. In my gut it still feels unfinished and very much alive. Things were good just before he ran away. I’ve had stronger than usual gut feelings just recently that he’s coming back and I’ve had about three people tell me that just in the last week even when I insist he’s not. How do you really heal with all this going on? I’m just frustrated.
