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Post by faithopelove on Mar 29, 2019 19:50:37 GMT
I am actually not taking this very well. My stomach is in knots every morning and I feel like life will never get back to normal again. And although I know now that inevitably he would’ve let me go, I’m still finding it hard to believe and accept. I feel so sad because if he could’ve just trusted our connection, we could have had so many more wonderful times together - not just on our own but with our children. We were actually planning a “family” trip this summer. Ugh!! - I know it...I feel like why can’t we try again? What’s the worse that can happen...we break up??!! If anything I should be afraid to trust HIM bc he left me. I don’t get it either...but know you’re not alone. Some people unfortunately just can’t handle relationships. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2019 8:47:49 GMT
As someone who has been through this many times, I know how much it hurts but know that you are better off without him. I’ve tried bringing up attachment styles to my avoidant exes hoping that they would see the light and change. But you can’t force someone to change. Change has to come from within. You have to accept him for who he is. As much as you would like him to come back, he’s just going to abandon you again and again. Believe me, it doesn’t get better. It actually gets worse.
The best thing for you to do is move on and love yourself. You deserve better than someone who treats you like you’re disposable. There’s plenty of other good people out there who will treat you well. But mostly importantly, treat yourself well.
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rae
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Post by rae on Mar 30, 2019 16:33:47 GMT
Thanks for sharing. I know that you are right to let him go and it is my intention to maintain NC however he is showing up at the places that he knows I go to. He’s never went to these places before and now he’s been spotted by my friends a few times in only the past 3-4 weeks. I have purposely been avoiding them because I don’t want to run into him.
Why would he be doing this?
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Post by tnr9 on Mar 30, 2019 16:52:14 GMT
Thanks for sharing. I know that you are right to let him go and it is my intention to maintain NC however he is showing up at the places that he knows I go to. He’s never went to these places before and now he’s been spotted by my friends a few times in only the past 3-4 weeks. I have purposely been avoiding them because I don’t want to run into him. Why would he be doing this? That is a good question Rae....it is a very good question....but you don’t know his intentions. If he really wanted to get back with you...he has other means then just going to spots you went to. I know it must drive you a bit batty...but the thing to remind yourself is...your brain, your thoughts, your intentions are different from his...and you can’t read his mind. I have the exact same issue by the way...B would do something and I would interpret it through my lens....”if I did x it would mean y”...we do it instinctively. However...if someone really wants to get back together...they will reach out, they will find ways other then going to places you went to....that is the key really. |
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Post by alexandra on Mar 30, 2019 17:38:07 GMT
Thanks for sharing. I know that you are right to let him go and it is my intention to maintain NC however he is showing up at the places that he knows I go to. He’s never went to these places before and now he’s been spotted by my friends a few times in only the past 3-4 weeks. I have purposely been avoiding them because I don’t want to run into him. Why would he be doing this? Are you sure he's DA and not FA? |
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rae
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Post by rae on Mar 30, 2019 17:50:51 GMT
Thanks for sharing. I know that you are right to let him go and it is my intention to maintain NC however he is showing up at the places that he knows I go to. He’s never went to these places before and now he’s been spotted by my friends a few times in only the past 3-4 weeks. I have purposely been avoiding them because I don’t want to run into him. Why would he be doing this? Are you sure he's DA and not FA? |
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rae
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Post by rae on Mar 30, 2019 17:54:42 GMT
That may be the case. I do not know a lot about the difference between the two. Perhaps he is a little of both.
I felt he was DA because he proclaims from the rooftops how happy he is being on his own and he does feel very good about himself )at least outwardly). I will have to read up on FA.
Thanks
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Post by mrob on Mar 31, 2019 12:30:34 GMT
Do yourself a favour and read the Bad Boyfriends book. It’ll make everything here make sense.
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Post by meryem on Apr 26, 2019 2:23:41 GMT
Hi I am now to this forum and I couldn't know where I should post so I am writing this comment, away from this subject, I was a friend with benefits relatioship with someone, and that because I am an FA and I have a very low self esteem, and some trust issues, I used to say that I will never be in a relation with someone and will stay alone cause I believe that I am unlovable (despite people telling me that I am smart and pretty (with makeup probably cause I can't go out without) but back in highschool I used to go makeup free, and so many guys used to hit on me, and some even loved me but I pushed them, I believe that in a relation, a person can cheat on me any moment due to routine or they gonna start hating on me soon, cause I always think i am boring, even tho I really can give limitless love, and passion to my sognificant other, I met this guy on social media, this summer, and we talked nonstop it was fun, i never went in tune with anyone before, I used to always hide myself and can't fit, and I told him about me and about my issues and he said, he too can't love and believe love is temporary, but he said he loved an ex, and still loves her, well he offered me to keep being friends with benefits and I said why not, I am alone anyway, so I accepted, but then I started developing emotions for him, and he was so suspecious of me leaving him and always asking me if we can keep this friendship, untill one day he started acting cold, and discarded me for no reason, I was broke I told him I love him, he said I don't need your love, (at certain moment he fall in love with me too as I felt only), I usually door slam people forever but I couldnt we kept being friends I cried my heart out, then moved on, he got back to me saying he feels lonely and I am getting healthier and he is jealous, I repeated same msitake, and we get well for couple days only, him saying that i made his life less miserable and all, once i mentioned that i could move on, he said if you cut me i wont stop you, days after I was busy and i told him we have to stop talking till summer, he said okay, I went off for couple days, i came back i found him cold again and he told me that he started mssing his ex again after telling me he is over her, I felt like it's true he doesnt love me since he still remember her, (i thought he did that on purpose) I exploded and told him by forever and blocked him everywhere but before i did I told him do you want me to stay or to leave, then he didnt reply, he always says i am rushing, then I sent him insults (that he is sick and manipulative and never cared which was true, he always seem like he doesnt care about me, and come only for the benefits, I told him that he is toxic and he deserves to day alone, he replied by thanks only then i sent him an apology i felt bad for doing so even tho he said he is cold he doesnt care what people think of him, then i told him here is my last words, tell me yours, he didnt want to reply too, so i didnt wait and i blocked him, i showed him through my account that i moved on, he did same in his account, he sound like he never cared, then once he published a joke that he will suicide by his 30 and that he feels alone but wrote down there (joking fuck off)
I cut him because people started telling me that he doesnt deserve me and that all that effort for him and he still not in any move with you, also his friend asked me out and he didnt felt a thing, but said he is jealous and feeling lonely, now I cut him because at that moment i felt I deserve to be loved too, but after breaking it with him, i tried dating and i ended up telling those guys i am sorry i can't, because I get back to my old thinking that I don't deserve the love, I would never let a guy see my real face withot makeup or trust a guy cause they will cheat on me anyways and i want him back as a friend with benefits, cause it was casual, but now after that i insulted him and told him by forever I will look like a child this is first, also I will look like I can't live without him and he will enjoy that, (i used to always think he is a narcissist or a psychopath) but now i guess maybe he is a dissmisive avoidant? I really don't know, he just wanted to keep me to feel less alone but never truly cared, I enjoyed the fun part of it and i wanted back, but it feels like he is using me without committements, I don't know what i should do now, this relation destructed me compeletly, i was so highly achiever, now i am just loosing my grades, his effect is really toxic for me) i wanted him to love me back, but he isn't ltting himself, i thought he appreciates looks the most, i did everything i can, working out, and he said i am really sexy, make up, i really did everything i though the likes, but turns out he isn't into me anyway or any one around him, he keep bringing his ex to the table, bringing other girls, now I want the fun since i am alone and feel unlovable anyway, but also he will play hard to get, or maybe will ignore me too and I will look pathetic, and most people told me he is not even your level, you are a high achiever and determined and smar tgirl and he is just a jerk who is playing around Iam really confused of what I do, (I have some sexual fetishes he was the only one to go well with, others will not meet my needs and I want to spend this summer with him at least) any tips on how i get him back without being desperate, also he is still alone and he is highly introverted, also he has a certain type of girls only, those empath and sensitive because he knows they will fall for him. (he is not goo looking or anything, and he is also sexist, but he has a charming personality to people like me, most of my friends tell me he is boring and think high of himself, so i am in the middle between what i want to do and what people around me are telling me to do and their ideas about him) when I told him i am leaving it seems like he wanted me to leave, i told him you want me to leave by this behavior, he said understand what you want, and before he used to say don't leave even when mad at me, and he was happy when i told him about my plans for summer, then a day after he said he doesnt want any plans for summer and he keeps repeating that he doesnt deserve. I can't get him, now I fear he was really letting me go and i will sound clingy, even tho i want to send him to keep stuff casual, since i dont find any guy around me who will give me the attention he used to give me, or accept my weird fetishes, so any advices guys? can I get him even after insulting him? (sorry my english is distored a bit) anso any prediction on how he would react to me sending again? he would refuse? or leave a view on the message? or play hard to get?
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