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Post by alexandra on Apr 22, 2019 19:59:26 GMT
rara, he may not be able to answer your question. Feelings and communicating them are difficult for most FAs. When they're triggered, they can do fight, freeze, or flight. Afterwards, triggering sometimes feels so chaotic to them that they actually can't remember details well about what happened or describe how they feel. It makes sense that you are looking for extra validation and repair as you are AP, but as far as he's concerned, apology accepted is what he can offer and is enough validation.
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Post by 8675309 on Apr 23, 2019 7:20:42 GMT
People come into our life for reason, a season or a lifetime and you just have to let them go. My FA and I were brought together to learn about attachment and learn lessons to further reflect on our lives. He didn't learn the lessons and does not want to reflect but I sure did. He was a 'reason' and I had to let him go.
The next woman he dates will probably be very unhealthy for him because he didn't learn the lessons, the universe sends us people to teach us/face what we need and will keep sending people until you do.
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rara
New Member
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Post by rara on Apr 23, 2019 17:42:00 GMT
rara , he may not be able to answer your question. Feelings and communicating them are difficult for most FAs. When they're triggered, they can do fight, freeze, or flight. Afterwards, triggering sometimes feels so chaotic to them that they actually can't remember details well about what happened or describe how they feel. It makes sense that you are looking for extra validation and repair as you are AP, but as far as he's concerned, apology accepted is what he can offer and is enough validation. Hi Alexandra, thanks for your reply. Yes, I noticed that he finds it difficult to communicate his feelings with people in general even with me, whom he claims his best friend. He's really introverted that he doesn't have many friends and only has me as a best friend and this is why I can't leave him alone aside from of course the fact that I do care about him immensely. I also can relate to him not being able to truly remember what happened after being overwhelmed by a situation. He told me that there was a time when he was feeling extremely stressed at the office that he yelled at his superior and dashed but couldn't recall what he actually said or how it really happened. I also realized that he feels extremely apologetic after doing this and always promises that he won't do it again but we all know that he can't help it. I guess you're right to say that they find it really difficult to communicate their feelings and when they do, they will either burst or if they are more of a quiet FA type, they'll probably just pull away and avoid the situation altogether. After telling him how terribly sorry I am for behaving the way I did and how much he means to me, he opened up to me by saying that he was truly hurt by what I did. That's all but I know coming from him, a FA, it's probably already great that he can even share that with me. Right after admitting that, he closed up again though and I just told him that I'll give him his space and will wait again until he's really ready. It's truly hard for me to practice patience I won't lie....I keep wanting to reach out over and over but so far I've managed to distract myself with work. I purposely stayed longer at work today because I felt activated. I'm going to force myself to sleep after this and hope that this will get easier as the days pass by. People come into our life for reason, a season or a lifetime and you just have to let them go. My FA and I were brought together to learn about attachment and learn lessons to further reflect on our lives. He didn't learn the lessons and does not want to reflect but I sure did. He was a 'reason' and I had to let him go.
The next woman he dates will probably be very unhealthy for him because he didn't learn the lessons, the universe sends us people to teach us/face what we need and will keep sending people until you do.
Thanks 8675309 for replying. I do feel like I'd like to share with him my discoveries about attachment styles because like you said, he too like your FA ex, will probably not be able to have a healthy relationship moving forward because of this insecurity they have that they refuse to learn (I'm just assuming that my bff would be the same as he's very rejecting of the idea of him being insecure). But for now, I don't think it's a good idea since he seems very wary of me now and would probably take it the wrong way. But I really believe he can learn something from knowing his attachment style. |
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Post by 8675309 on Apr 23, 2019 20:01:46 GMT
I had a very open good talk with mine about attachment. It went in one ear and right out the other. Not sure I would even bother wasting your time with that. He acted interested to hear it but really he didn’t care at all. He has not bothered to even look into it admitting he knows he’s off. He knows he needs to cut his toxic mother off too, admits it but does nothing to change it.
They have to get there on their own for it to sink in.
Food for thought and my experience.
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