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Post by anne12 on Apr 25, 2019 15:10:08 GMT
Deadlines:
It may be good to make deadlines when you are in a yo-yo relationship or in a situation in the relationship that is characterized by uncertainty for the future - and where the situation is different than you want it to be.
Ex. for when to move in together. Or if one has been unfaithful and trust needs to be rebuilt, or the other is stressed out and dont want to do anything to change it or a work that takes a lot of time, a person being depressed and who is not working on getting better or similar situations.
The effect of deadlines is that there will be calm in one's nervous system, because one places the desired change on the shelf for a period. Rather than fighting and forcing a change in a situation during a time when it is not possible.
Many things must be allowed to develop and mature.
Setting a deadline means that you signal to yourself that you are true to yourself. That you do not want to put up with the situation endlessly.
Sometimes you do not have to say your deadlines aloud, because then you put an unconstitutional pressure on the other.
Find out about your own involvement in that things are as they are. Then you come out of the sacrificial/victimrole and into your own Power.
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Deadlines
Apr 25, 2019 15:23:49 GMT
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Post by ocarina on Apr 25, 2019 15:23:49 GMT
Deadlines: It may be good to make deadlines when you are in a yo-yo relationship or in a situation in the relationship that is characterized by uncertainty for the future - and where the situation is different than you want it to be. Ex. for when to move in together. Or if one has been unfaithful and trust needs to be rebuilt, or the other is stressed out and dont want to do anything to change it or a work that takes a lot of time or similar situations. The effect of deadlines is that there will be calm in one's nervous system, because one places the desired change on the shelf for a period. Rather than fighting and forcing a change in a situation during a time when it is not possible. Many things must be allowed to develop and mature. Setting a deadline means that you signal to yourself that you are true to yourself. That you do not want to put up with the situation endlessly. Sometimes you do not have to say your deadlines aloud, because then you put an unconstitutional pressure on the other. Find out about your own involvement in that things are as they are. Then you come out of the sacrificial/victimrole and into your own Power. Thus seems wise advice for the painful hot and cold relationship s that can make a person feel great one minute and awful the next - it’s a difficult dynamic to escape because of the addictive highs |
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Deadlines
Apr 25, 2019 15:38:10 GMT
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Post by anne12 on Apr 25, 2019 15:38:10 GMT
If your partner drops the relationship for the third time, drop him / her. Say goodbye. It is too tedious and destructive if you are not both willing to do what is required to break your negative dynamics
If not both Are willing to do what it takes to develop the relationship.
You can also get warn out ect. and go down with stress and physical deseases because of the UPS and downs and the on and off dynamic in the relationship.
Your nerveussystem Will also Be more and more unregulated if you stay.
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Post by anne12 on Apr 25, 2019 15:44:39 GMT
ocarina"Thus seems wise advice for the painful hot and cold relationship s that can make a person feel great one minute and awful the next - it’s a difficult dynamic to escape because of the addictive highs" Yes, I know. These advises Are from an SE/attatchment therapist who once have been there herself.
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Post by stu on Oct 27, 2019 11:31:07 GMT
If your partner drops the relationship for the third time, drop him / her. Say goodbye. It is too tedious and destructive if you are not both willing to do what is required to break your negative dynamics If not both Are willing to do what it takes to develop the relationship. You can also get warn out ect. and go down with stress and physical deseases because of the UPS and downs and the on and off dynamic in the relationship. Your nerveussystem Will also Be more and more unregulated if you stay. Don't mean to bump in old thread but it's a very good one and worth people checking out. Your post here perfectly demonstrates something else that's VERY important. A relationship that is high stress can and will affect your nervous system and over all physical health. I had lyme disease for many years in my early twenties, now 29. After I got sick with that infection and slowly pulled myself out of it I realized how much relationship strains can affect people's nervous systems and in turn affect people's physical health and functioning. My body was more sensitive to fluctuations in my sympathetic nervous system and I was much more in tune with it as well. I noticed much more easily how things which triggered fighr or flight would be processed in my body and how it made me feel more burnt out and exhausted with the physical illness I was dealing with too. Constantly elevated cortisol and a highly sensitized nervous system due to external stressors is terrible on the body and can cause a lot of harm even on a cellular level. A relationship dynamic that activates your nervous system and stress hormones too oftenly, will eventually start affecting your pyschical functioning and can put you more at risk of developing certain diseases, as well as psychological burn out, depression, and anxiety. It's not in any sense worth the harm done to the body and mind at all. You only have one body to take you through your entire life so it's important to take as best care of it as you can. And take that stuff very seriously because from someone who lost their health before and had to work very hard to get it back, I promise you health is everything . Without your health it's very difficult to do other things and function to the best of your ability in the world. So take care of it as best you can and preventing any health problems from developing with proper awareness and care should be at the top of anyone's priorities in life. |
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Deadlines
Oct 27, 2019 11:41:22 GMT
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Post by anne12 on Oct 27, 2019 11:41:22 GMT
Yes stu - you've got it 👍 |
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