mamut
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Post by mamut on May 29, 2019 8:50:18 GMT
lilyg thanks! Surprisingly, I don't feel better.I woke up real sad, missing some moments, wishing it could be different. I did not expect this, but I guess it's pretty normal. I'm trying to just sit with the feeling, cry it out and then I definitely need to get some things done.
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Post by lilyg on May 29, 2019 13:33:14 GMT
lilyg thanks! Surprisingly, I don't feel better.I woke up real sad, missing some moments, wishing it could be different. I did not expect this, but I guess it's pretty normal. I'm trying to just sit with the feeling, cry it out and then I definitely need to get some things done. Take it one step at a time  It's ok to let feelings flow sometimes! |
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mamut
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Post by mamut on May 29, 2019 15:22:32 GMT
lilyg thank you for your support, it really means a lot. Not sad anymore but still sluggish. Gonna try and finish some more things today. I've given it too much thought, I need to cut down. Besides, I can still think while tidying up a bit 😂
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mamut
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Post by mamut on May 29, 2019 17:04:38 GMT
Well I got several major things done today that I've been neglecting, hooray!
Ex-wise, I'm doing so so. I just want this to end and for us to just be friends like nothing ever happened. But they're still feelings involved, so that'll go bad fast. Last time it did too.
The anger is missing today, but never know when it'll pop back up, oh well. At least it seems I'm get back on track. There's no point in wallowing anymore!
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mamut
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Post by mamut on May 29, 2019 19:18:12 GMT
Grrrrr. I have had tiny thoughts of texting him today, strongest one a moment ago, so I thought lemme post here instead.
Reasons to text is I just want this to end, and be friends like nothing romantic has ever happened between us, like I mentioned earlier, but I'm still vulnerable and that would NOT go well.
I know the only way for any potential friendship to blossom,is to carry on with my life without him, until my feelings go away.
Almost identical post with previous one, but hey, better than texting him 😂
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mamut
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Posts: 212
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Post by mamut on May 30, 2019 14:39:13 GMT
I'm done with analyzing and thinking and blah blah blah. Simply can't do it anymore. It finally happened, hope it will last.
I'm doing more things for me, going out more etc. Finally. Fed up.
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mamut
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Post by mamut on May 30, 2019 15:52:30 GMT
Gosh I love my therapist. The best thing is that we find "mantras" to counter my negative thoughts about me. Excellent!
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mamut
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Post by mamut on May 31, 2019 18:32:45 GMT
I still don't want to talk about him, but still thinking of him. Fortunately, a little less. I'm eager to completely get back to my routine.
I'm finding the book my therapist suggested extremely insightful and that gives me hope. Haven't done the exercises bur have done some in therapy. It's complimenting my therapy and it feels likes it's speeding it up.
I'm also a bit more confident in myself. I know I'm making the right choice to stay away. I'm more understanding with myself too, it's gonna take time.
I'm trying to get out more, because even though I can do a lot of things at home, when there, he does occupy my mind more than I want him to. I might take a break off this forum too, even if it's extremely helpful, I think I came to the point where it enables me to keep thinking about him in the disguise of healing. I'll try to update only on my personal progress maybe. Not taking the break yet, just considering.
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mamut
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Post by mamut on May 31, 2019 18:43:06 GMT
I still don't want to talk about him, but still thinking of him. Fortunately, a little less. I'm eager to completely get back to my routine.
I'm finding the book my therapist suggested extremely insightful and that gives me hope. Haven't done the exercises bur have done some in therapy. It's complimenting my therapy and it feels likes it's speeding it up.
I'm also a bit more confident in myself. I know I'm making the right choice to stay away. I'm more understanding with myself too, it's gonna take time.
I'm trying to get out more, because even though I can do a lot of things at home, when there, he does occupy my mind more than I want him to. I might take a break off this forum too, even if it's extremely helpful, I think I came to the point where it enables me to keep thinking about him in the disguise of healing. I'll try to update only on my personal progress maybe. Not taking the break yet, just considering.
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mamut
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Post by mamut on Jun 1, 2019 10:33:37 GMT
One of the trickiest things to conquer is the negative self talk. It comes in ANY form. First step is to realize when I'm actually doing it. Ironically, I'm struggling to find an example, when the reason I started this post was a negative thought about myself 😂. Well good news is I have a plethora of them, so I'll be back on those 😂
Once I realize that I'm thinking negatively about myself, I use the mantra I came up with in therapy, which basically says that "I am worthy" and "wtf are you talking about?!" (😂), but in words that really hit me. And almost instantly, I get a self confidence boost. It took time to get the hang of this, but now it's working like a charm and it can only get better.
It feels kinda like dusting. Sometimes it's like dusting with a wood mill running in the room, and others it feels like getting the dust permanently off.
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Post by 8675309 on Jun 1, 2019 13:08:15 GMT
I haven't felt that I wasn't enough, that I did something wrong. The only thing wrong I did was accepting him back the first time. Well, I could've been more open and all of the issues I've been talking about, but I don't think it would've affected his decision. Or would it? The only time I feel "not enough" is when I'm thinking he's moved onto another woman and actually committed. That's when I feel unworthy, but again it doesn't cause me anxiety. I think even a secure would feel a sting of that right? I'm really asking here. Secures sure do feel the sting. Secures knows though even when it stings they are enough still. Doesn't mean we never have doubting thoughts but we know deep down we are enough. It just wasn't the right person. |
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mamut
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Post by mamut on Jun 1, 2019 13:49:22 GMT
8675309 thanks for that Ive been waiting for a secure to answer! That's actually how I feel. I've been pondering on this thought ever since and I still can't feel unworthy. Like you said, I do have doubts, but they're insignificant and I disregard them immediately. This feels good! I'm getting close!
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Post by 8675309 on Jun 3, 2019 0:18:30 GMT
8675309 thanks for that Ive been waiting for a secure to answer! That's actually how I feel. I've been pondering on this thought ever since and I still can't feel unworthy. Like you said, I do have doubts, but they're insignificant and I disregard them immediately. This feels good! I'm getting close! Also sometimes you may not be enough for a particular person but its about them not you. Does not mean you're not good enough. Some people have weird standards, etc and none of it has to do with you.
I have not been 'good enough' for a guy or two in my life because I didn't go to college or make enough money. These are things about them not me. College and money doesn't make a person better, they just went to school or have money. They can be a mess inside, mean, empty, dull, cranky, etc.
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mamut
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Post by mamut on Jun 3, 2019 8:56:02 GMT
8675309 exactly! If a guy rejects me for something shallow, good riddance!
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mamut
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Posts: 212
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Post by mamut on Jun 3, 2019 9:19:10 GMT
I'm feeling a lot better by the way. He's still occupying my mind but a lot less and when he is, it's just me going over how bad it was for me. The thing that's bugging me the most though, is that I am going to see him again. I wish I wasn't. I am avoiding him of course, but I'm missing out on events, fortunately,not my friends as much, but I'm still missing out.
I'm very close to being ready to see him, anger is down a bit, and maybe on a good level. Don't think it'll go away until I meet him to be honest. I'd really like to keep a bit of the anger there, it's the sign that I don't want him back, if that makes sense.
I'd really like to see how he's doing. What still stings is if he has moved on. But I'm feeling better about that too. Getting back to my routine helped a lot.
I still miss his company, but funny thing is, I think when I see him again, I'll stop missing that too. Even a person's company seems a whole lot better when you're crushing on them, now that that's gone, I know I'm gonna see other flaws I was ignoring as we all do when "in love".
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It's ok to let feelings flow sometimes!