sam
Junior Member
Posts: 60 
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Post by sam on Jun 19, 2017 8:28:59 GMT
Do fearful avoidants ever look back and feel any kind of sadness or remorse. I was just wondering as they are a mixture of anxious and avoidant.
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Post by anonymous10 on Jun 19, 2017 11:47:31 GMT
Yes! Most of them do. BUT, there are several studies (some are posted on Jeb's website) that actually show the brain scans of avoidants SUBCONSCIOUSLY block emotions of pain and sadness which is what they've been doing for a long long time. They have learned to detach not only from parts of their truest most authentic selves, but from feelings of pain etc. You will find that when they are particularly vulnerable or tired, or some kind of life event drains them of their energy, all the feelings that have been blocked out come back. The danger is, often this can happen back and forth.
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Post by joanneg on Jun 20, 2017 1:32:17 GMT
My DA had no energy? like he seemed zapped of energy all the time... he just works and partys(drinking and doing drugs).. not much else... but definitely seemed like he had a lot below the surface.. i feel like nothing would bother him...nothing at all... he never seemed phased or bothered by anything.. so strange.. just robotic... but then there was some moments of warmth... it was unnerving .. my anxiety was up and down as i am very sensitive/ secure/ anxious i picked up on every little thing...
Its bad for me to think but i would almost want something in his life to happen.. a large event.. i dont know to make him feel some emotion.. or to start cracking on whats below the surface..
he struggles with drug addfiction.. iwould imagine to curb his emotions.. he needs something to happen to "awaken" him to life....
he seems pretty happy though.. maybe thats just me being selfish?
is is that he seems happy but deep down hes not?
Maybe some people are better off having less feelings..
as sensitive/anxious i almost wish i had less emotions.. it would be easier
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sam
Junior Member
Posts: 60
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Post by sam on Jun 21, 2017 6:22:16 GMT
Yes! Most of them do. BUT, there are several studies (some are posted on Jeb's website) that actually show the brain scans of avoidants SUBCONSCIOUSLY block emotions of pain and sadness which is what they've been doing for a long long time. They have learned to detach not only from parts of their truest most authentic selves, but from feelings of pain etc. You will find that when they are particularly vulnerable or tired, or some kind of life event drains them of their energy, all the feelings that have been blocked out come back. The danger is, often this can happen back and forth. My avoidant ex and I broke up 11 months ago and he's been with someone else for at least 6 months where as I can't be with anyone as I'm not ready and I'm still recovering from his abuse. I guess if you're right what he has done has quickly detached from me and moved on. We were together 4years and it's like I meant nothing to him. Also you wonder if they have changed and treat the next person well. |
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Post by anonymous10 on Jun 21, 2017 8:42:00 GMT
Sam  Listen - 'change' is unlikely. You need to think about this rationally: The new person he is with may a. turn a blind eye to his behaviours and let him treat him the way he treated you b. the relationship may be emotionally bounded (he may not really love this person or be in too deep so as not to trigger his anxiety) unlike with you c. it is highly highly unlikely he has changed. This whole avoidant thing is a deep-rooted issue that even WHEN someone is self aware - they find it incredibly hard to change. It is likely, that your avoidant ex is running from his issues and trying to fill the void, and has found someone to do that temporarily. Please know that I am speaking both from experience, and from reading hundreds of stories similar to yours. Hang in there Sam. I know it hurts like hell. |
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Post by mrscuba on Jun 23, 2017 17:42:23 GMT
Do fearful avoidants ever look back and feel any kind of sadness or remorse. I was just wondering as they are a mixture of anxious and avoidant. They most definitely deal with emotion... they just avoid, suppressing or are able to not allow themselves to feel certain emotions. They have been formed that way. As I've said here on these forums a few times. I've become best friends with my FA ex and now that she trusts me more than ever and has shared with me her deepest and darkest thoughts she has apologized and said I didn't deserve the coldness and the pushing away and the hurt feelings that came along with it all. She has the emotional gravity of a 15 year old even though she's a well payed and very well professionally recognized in her field. No one would ever thInk she was like this for the world o my knows the facade... or the projection of what she wants everyone to think. She feels that she doesn't care if people judge her yet all she wants it to protect herself from people knowing the real her and making her feel vulnerable in many respects by judging her. I know her so well yet sometimes I feel like I don't know who she is at all. She even says like other FA's that they really don't know who they are because they emotionally have never explored or experienced certain things in life for constantly feeling they have to protect themselves and cope constantly with life. |
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Listen - 'change' is unlikely. You need to think about this rationally: