Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2019 10:12:08 GMT
Can confrontation be part of the healing process for secure?
Like after you've healed as a AP and forgiven yourself and the other person.
Can wanting to talk it out your side of the story like confronting the other person be part of the journey?
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Post by alexandra on Jun 11, 2019 15:08:24 GMT
Once you've healed your AP, you generally lose the need to "confront" the other person long after the fact because you create your own understanding and closure. You feel confident in yourself and trust yourself enough to feel okay without anything from a former attachment figure. With new people, earned security allows you to communicate directly in a way that isn't fear-driven, so you generally don't end up feeling like you left things unclear or not said correctly (in addition to healing the impulse that you can say/do the right things and find the magic formula to get what you want from another person if only you act perfectly).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 11, 2019 18:37:50 GMT
Sorry I misinterpreted myself.
I shouldn't have used the word confrontation. What I should have used and meant was, in the terms of making amends or wanting things to be okay between yourself and the other person. After you've accepted and forgiven yourself and the other person.
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Post by alexandra on Jun 12, 2019 0:22:53 GMT
Sorry I misinterpreted myself. I shouldn't have used the word confrontation. What I should have used and meant was, in the terms of making amends or wanting things to be okay between yourself and the other person. After you've accepted and forgiven yourself and the other person. It depends, I guess. If you did something wrong and want to see if you can salvage the friendship, and they did not tell you to stay away (ie reaching out is ignoring their boundary), it's reasonable as long as you have no expectations about how they may respond (or not respond). |
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Post by 8675309 on Jun 12, 2019 1:10:02 GMT
Could for some if you messed up. Sometimes saying your side does not change anything or going to make anything better. If you've already forgiven then thats it. Let go and keep going. Own it, close it, and go, I gots new doors to open!  |
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Post by leavethelighton on Jun 16, 2019 3:21:52 GMT
I think so. I have had an experience where I was 95% at peace with someone, but talking in person one last time gets it to 100%. It occurs to me that the degree to which it increases your sense of peace and moving forward vs. the conversation causing you to fall back into old patterns (either behaviorally or emotionally, or both) is insightful to where you are on your journey.
However, I think you would also want to be really honest with yourself as to your intentions and hopes/desires in regards to why you want to have the conversation, and also you would want to go into it more-or-less okay with however the conversation goes. In other words, it may not go the way you want it to, and you don't want that to open up a bunch of new minefields for yourself to have to contend with.
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