Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2019 13:06:17 GMT
Incidentally, I had a light bulb moment that really only serves to highlight my own blinders. Yay, me. *rolling eyes* lol
In a relationship with a man I have always thought was DA, I now am realizing he was likely FA strong in a avoidance or I triggered him to anxious. When I look at our falling out, we both just triggered each other- I went more dismissive externally although I suffered a lot internally when I left him.
I thought he was a DA with an anger problem but I realize that discussions of our demise probably triggered fight or flight, instead of suppression. He would become so angry and short and aggressive (verbally, he would never hurt me physically). It makes sense to me that he felt fear and pain at the prospect of being left but I thought he was just disgusted and annoyed by me. Which, of course, made the leaving easier.
When I dissolved, and by that I mean gave up and lost my attachment, and backed away, he first pursued me and then became angry. I had gotten to a point of caring but not having enough attachment left to piece together, it was futile to continue. I really believed he was just trying to manipulate me back into this half assed bullshit relationship and was pissed when it didn't work. But it's possible that he was truly sad at losing me and didn't know what to do and was triggered into anxious behavior, protesting. The more he did that the more hurt and hopeless I felt so it just killed me off so to speak. It's like pounding nails into a coffin to be angry and aggressive at me when I'm sad. Thats probably true of everyone.
Overall, it's just so flipping messy, I'm so motivated to just keep working on this. I mean I am way more secure than I used to be but I don't want to settle where I am at.
In a relationship with a man I have always thought was DA, I now am realizing he was likely FA strong in a avoidance or I triggered him to anxious. When I look at our falling out, we both just triggered each other- I went more dismissive externally although I suffered a lot internally when I left him.
I thought he was a DA with an anger problem but I realize that discussions of our demise probably triggered fight or flight, instead of suppression. He would become so angry and short and aggressive (verbally, he would never hurt me physically). It makes sense to me that he felt fear and pain at the prospect of being left but I thought he was just disgusted and annoyed by me. Which, of course, made the leaving easier.
When I dissolved, and by that I mean gave up and lost my attachment, and backed away, he first pursued me and then became angry. I had gotten to a point of caring but not having enough attachment left to piece together, it was futile to continue. I really believed he was just trying to manipulate me back into this half assed bullshit relationship and was pissed when it didn't work. But it's possible that he was truly sad at losing me and didn't know what to do and was triggered into anxious behavior, protesting. The more he did that the more hurt and hopeless I felt so it just killed me off so to speak. It's like pounding nails into a coffin to be angry and aggressive at me when I'm sad. Thats probably true of everyone.
Overall, it's just so flipping messy, I'm so motivated to just keep working on this. I mean I am way more secure than I used to be but I don't want to settle where I am at.