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Post by thinkingman on Jun 16, 2019 3:43:34 GMT
I’m a married borderline AP/secure having a ‘mostly’ emotional affair with a married DA. It was unintended, but I just fell in love. She ghosted me after 6 months (it was very painful)but is now showing renewed interest after several months. She is also a new Mom. Any thoughts on this scenario?
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Post by leavethelighton on Jun 16, 2019 3:54:59 GMT
I think the "new Mom" may be important here. As someone who has had a few children myself not so long ago, I can share my thoughts on that juncture of life...
Being a "new Mom" is a very challenging point to one's identity. It can be stressful, lonely, isolating, confusing, and all sorts of other things. It brings up vulnerabilities. I actually think on a subconscious level that having a baby brings up all sorts of hidden shadow stuff that one doesn't even realize was lurking in one's psyche, perhaps from one's own infancy and childhood. Anyway, all of this is to say that it is the point of one's life where a new mom may wish to reach out towards sources of comfort themselves, even while they are putting so much energy into being someone whose focus is nurturing this new baby that has been brought into the world.
Also in many cases having a baby destabilizes one's relationship, so if she has a husband then their having this baby together may be destablizing to that relationship, which could also be related to her reaching out to you. Maybe not, but it's possible.
So my advice is to be a friend if you can just be a friend (I think that's a point in a woman's life when she can often use a friend), but recognize that this isn't about you at all. In other words, if you're sitting here hoping that maybe this emotional affair can be re-ignited into something meaningful, this probably isn't the best point in her life for that.
Also if she's DA, then her reaching towards you may be part of her creating some distance between herself and her husband/child. It can be very overwhelming having a new baby, especially if it's her first. (Is it her first?)
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Post by alexandra on Jun 16, 2019 3:56:51 GMT
Yes. Have you examined what's going on in your own marriage that led to you looking elsewhere? What are you not getting from either your marriage or yourself? That's a much better space to examine, as it may shed light on why you're pursuing someone unavailable who can't prioritize you (new mother, affairs aside).
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Post by leavethelighton on Jun 16, 2019 4:00:04 GMT
Yes. Have you examined what's going on in your own marriage that led to you looking elsewhere? What are you not getting from either your marriage or yourself? That's a much better space to examine, as it may shed light on why you're pursuing someone unavailable who can't prioritize you (new mother, affairs aside). True-- it's probably a better use of OP's time and more appropriate to figure out himself rather than to analyze her. But I do find the timing interesting....
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2019 8:18:22 GMT
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