Introducing a DA to their Attachment Style

Andy, of course I think there could be a benefit to me. I’m not sure why that’s a bad thing. But I think there is also a risk to me. And, of course, I don’t want to introduce the topic if it’s going to hurt my DA friend. But I’m a big believer in truth being a good thing, even in cases where I am not brave enough to speak it.

I’m surprised there aren’t more opinions on those? So, I’m reaching out again to any DAs on the forum that have an opinion on this...what do you think??? Or any APs that have tried this with success or failure.

I could really use some feedback.

I've talked to several people about attachment styles at this point, including a couple FA partners and several friends of all different insecure types. The only time it's helpful is if the person is already in the mindset ON THEIR OWN that they are searching for answers and ways to address things they want to change about themselves. If they are not already in that mindset, at best your advice will fall on deaf ears, and at worse you'll encounter active resistance and resentment.

Coming at it as, this is wrong with you and it would fix our relationship for you to address it is another recipe for failure. It also lacks empathy for their viewpoint. Being vulnerable and talking about your own journey and how you're learning and trying to change and how it pertains to clarifying and healing YOUR past might pique interest in attachment theory, but people who lack desire to introspect about it have usually spent a lifetime not addressing it and still need to come to the realization on their own, if they even want to. And then want to also put in the hard work to heal. There's a lot that goes into someone processing their attachment trauma, and it's in your best interest not to have any expectations in regards to potential outcomes from telling someone about attachment theory.

My DA twisted it around and threw it back at me, when I introduced the topic. He was a narcissist, so it may be different. But in my experience the DAs I dated were also narcissistic so I would tread carefully as it will simply be another thing thrown in your face and more harm will be done to you.