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Post by mrob on Jun 29, 2019 2:22:59 GMT
I am amazed you’re surprised! I suggest you reread your last couple of paragraphs in particular, and invest in Jeb’s book.
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Post by tnr9 on Jun 29, 2019 3:01:50 GMT
So...I cannot really speak to him...and for clarification...I am not FA...I am AP. But a couple of things struck me...first...I am not sure why you would text him that you would make it easy for him and for him not to contact you again. That is not altruistic...and likely opened up his wound of being abandoned. It is never a good idea to speak on behalf of another person....it simply causes defensiveness..which is what resulted. Later on..in a different conversation....you said you were an enabler and that he did not want to get any better. I would really like to understand what result you thought would come out of saying that to him. If someone said that to me, I would feel like that person did not accept me for who I was and I would really have to consider if the relationship was worth it. I don’t know if he will unblock you, but it might be beneficial to look over you conversations and decide whether this is a good relationship for you...it just seems there were a lot of angry and hurt feelings...and unmet expectations.
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Post by tnr9 on Jun 29, 2019 3:32:48 GMT
So...I cannot really speak to him...and for clarification...I am not FA...I am AP. But a couple of things struck me...first...I am not sure why you would text him that you would make it easy for him and for him not to contact you again. That is not altruistic...and likely opened up his wound of being abandoned. It is never a good idea to speak on behalf of another person....it simply causes defensiveness..which is what resulted. Later on..in a different conversation....you said you were an enabler and that he did not want to get any better. I would really like to understand what result you thought would come out of saying that to him. If someone said that to me, I would feel like that person did not accept me for who I was and I would really have to consider if the relationship was worth it. I don’t know if he will unblock you, but it might be beneficial to look over you conversations and decide whether this is a good relationship for you...it just seems there were a lot of angry and hurt feelings...and unmet expectations. Thanks for that perspective. He seemed to be torn on whether to jump in and take a chance with me or to walk away. I genuinely thought I'd make it easy on both of us. I didn't know what I do now and I couldn't understand why he had been so engaged with me and then just quit being so after we had only gotten close. Now I understand so much more of it. You're right about the abandonment. I didn't know what else to do. And as soon as he replied and showed he was hurt, I didn't want him to and so I responded. What do you mean by speak on behalf of another person? I mean how did you think I did that? The enabler part...I considered this. He was admitting he was abusive towards me though. If he knew this but didn't change...I genuinely thought I WAS enabling his behavior.....that is why I said it. I don't say things to accomplish things. I am just honest. And I thought this may have been a possibility and spoke my mind. It's one thing we seemed to have been able to do well, until that conversation. I'm wondering if he was angry but I didn't see it until later. I was not angry. I was hurt though. Telling him you would make it “easy on him” and to please not contact you anymore. That can come across as you speaking on his behalf...that you thought he wanted to break up with you and as such, you were making that decision easy by making it on his behalf. Best to always communicate using “I” statements to ensure proper understanding...and never handle important conversations via text. Personally, if he was being abusive towards you...then it is best you remain blocked. My recommendation would be to quit researching the why about his behavior and really get clear about your own. If he was being abusive, then why did you stay? Something that I have learned is i f I cannot accept a person fully as that person is right now..then I should not be in a relationship with that person. Respect towards each other is just as important as loving each other. |
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Post by 8675309 on Jun 29, 2019 14:15:32 GMT
You’re not going to find your answer here. Only they can answer. At this point move on with your life. You know he is not healthy and not capable at this time. An FA led me here so I understand the hurt.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2019 15:10:34 GMT
I'd suggest to move on and find someone who is emotionally avaliable.
These situations only get worse. I get where your coming from with the hot and cold behaviour. Only thing that comes with it is confusion and pain.
You will end up feeling angry and this will make you anxious if he doesn't come back.
Good luck.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 29, 2019 16:13:44 GMT
I am amazed you’re surprised! I suggest you reread your last couple of paragraphs in particular, and invest in Jeb’s book. Thanks mrob. I've purchased Jeb's book. |
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Post by mrob on Jun 29, 2019 18:26:02 GMT
Brilliant. I’m sorry also. It wasn’t, and it never is, my intention to come across as harsh.
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Post by lilyg on Jul 2, 2019 11:58:42 GMT
Belive he's not ready for you, he already told you  I know it hurts a lot but you can only respect that and respect yourself and move on from the situation. He needs to want to work on being in a good relationship for you to even reconsiderate about this all. Take this experience to get to know you more and to think if this is really what you want or why were you willing to compromise so much for him. Will he be able to be your life companion? |
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