Post by tnr9 on Jul 5, 2019 9:55:07 GMT
I saw B on Sunday...he came over and we watched a movie and a few episodes of a new show that he likes. I really thought I was handling things a lot better...but yesterday....I had another round of fear and jealousy...self inflicted I will add. I was looking through a friend’s pages and happened to see that B was back to liking her posts...and he even loved one. All of a sudden, the insecure thinking cane back...the comparisons...the placing importance on likes/loves...the jealousy.....all of a sudden I felt...common....I felt that I was not important. This was as a result of comparing a love on a post to hanging out. I felt the vast emptiness in the moment and realized that I had never felt “enough” love...ever...from anyone...it was either not enough or too much...and the instability of it all meant it could be taken away....so I wanted to hoard it....which is why I have felt desperate and why a like can have more meaning in my head then actual time together. What I have come to realize is I want to explore enoughness....what would enough love look like? What words/actions fall into enoughness....how do I feel enoughness and then not take it for granted or get bored. So much growth is possible through this...but it is up to me to do the work...otherwise I am stuck on a treadmill. Just sharing.
