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Post by isildur4797 on Jul 9, 2019 17:03:47 GMT
Hmm I had something like this happen to me some years ago (I was in her position). I met a very nice and handsome guy just after I ended a serious relationship and things moved too fast and I got scared and overwhelmed. I ended breaking it off with him and he was pretty nice about it at first but then got super mad at me for not 'showing' him that I wanted a friendship with him after long and long emails and pressuring me to go out with him as Friends and I don't know. I finally got mad at him and felt so pressured and turned off that we lost touch althogether. Of course you are not like him and well, what I really want to say is to stop contacting her and insisting on being part of her life. Or get mad at her for fading you away from her life. It won't help your case. You already expressed interest, let her go. Let it happen naturally. Maybe she will come back, maybe she won't. Don't invest too much in her, invest in her as much as she invests in you. Be reasonable... and really think why do you want a friendship with her. And don't feel bad about it, don't apologise anymore! It's normal to feel anxiety after we break up with someone we fancy a lot. I'm sure she's not handling it perfectly either. But time and space will help you either way: with her having to sit through her decision, and mostly for you to move on and focus on yourself and your real wants and needs. And give yourself a break You haven't done anything unforgivable! That's scarily similar, I guess. I mean she wanted to be friends, and we were talking person. But my conversation was really about what had happened prior to stuff ended. I didn't bring up stuff since then at all, and even said it didn't bother me anymore. I just mentioned I'd been feeling that way, more than anything else. I did ask what kind of friendship she wanted, and that I'd felt kind of trapped being in her house since I couldn't leave town or communicate with other people (really really bad circumstances that kept getting worse). I asked partially because she was a little emotionally withdrawn, but handled that part very nice. Actually after that we talked for like half an hour before the conversation got worse. And then it was pretty great. Thanks for that last part! I hope not
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Post by lilyg on Jul 9, 2019 17:12:07 GMT
Hmm I had something like this happen to me some years ago (I was in her position). I met a very nice and handsome guy just after I ended a serious relationship and things moved too fast and I got scared and overwhelmed. I ended breaking it off with him and he was pretty nice about it at first but then got super mad at me for not 'showing' him that I wanted a friendship with him after long and long emails and pressuring me to go out with him as Friends and I don't know. I finally got mad at him and felt so pressured and turned off that we lost touch althogether. Of course you are not like him and well, what I really want to say is to stop contacting her and insisting on being part of her life. Or get mad at her for fading you away from her life. It won't help your case. You already expressed interest, let her go. Let it happen naturally. Maybe she will come back, maybe she won't. Don't invest too much in her, invest in her as much as she invests in you. Be reasonable... and really think why do you want a friendship with her. And don't feel bad about it, don't apologise anymore! It's normal to feel anxiety after we break up with someone we fancy a lot. I'm sure she's not handling it perfectly either. But time and space will help you either way: with her having to sit through her decision, and mostly for you to move on and focus on yourself and your real wants and needs. And give yourself a break You haven't done anything unforgivable! That's scarily similar, I guess. I mean she wanted to be friends, and we were talking person. But my conversation was really about what had happened prior to stuff ended. I didn't bring up stuff since then at all, and even said it didn't bother me anymore. I just mentioned I'd been feeling that way, more than anything else. I did ask what kind of friendship she wanted, and that I'd felt kind of trapped being in her house since I couldn't leave town or communicate with other people (really really bad circumstances that kept getting worse). I asked partially because she was a little emotionally withdrawn, but handled that part very nice. Actually after that we talked for like half an hour before the conversation got worse. And then it was pretty great. Thanks for that last part! I hope not Let her be then! Hahaha no it's not the same, I didn't offer a friendship. I'm not a believer to pursue one inmediately after a breakup. But sometimes friendship means different things for different people, other times people offer friendship in order to not feel like the bad guy. Other times... I guess people can make it. I have never tried that son, so I don't know what to advice. If you have to get your things from her house asap go there, be upbeat and don't mention emotional things again. Make plans inmediately after with friends or something, that way you will 'force' yourself to leave as soon as possible. Ifyou can wait to pick up your things and she doesn't mind keeping them for a while.. wait a month or something, so you can calm down. Then give yourself time! You're starting to understand your attachment style and that's a big deal! Maybe in a couple of months you both have calmed down and see things in a different point of view. Of course you haven't! Don't let anxiety get the best of you.
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Post by isildur4797 on Jul 11, 2019 0:47:06 GMT
That's scarily similar, I guess. I mean she wanted to be friends, and we were talking person. But my conversation was really about what had happened prior to stuff ended. I didn't bring up stuff since then at all, and even said it didn't bother me anymore. I just mentioned I'd been feeling that way, more than anything else. I did ask what kind of friendship she wanted, and that I'd felt kind of trapped being in her house since I couldn't leave town or communicate with other people (really really bad circumstances that kept getting worse). I asked partially because she was a little emotionally withdrawn, but handled that part very nice. Actually after that we talked for like half an hour before the conversation got worse. And then it was pretty great. Thanks for that last part! I hope not Let her be then! Hahaha no it's not the same, I didn't offer a friendship. I'm not a believer to pursue one inmediately after a breakup. But sometimes friendship means different things for different people, other times people offer friendship in order to not feel like the bad guy. Other times... I guess people can make it. I have never tried that son, so I don't know what to advice. If you have to get your things from her house asap go there, be upbeat and don't mention emotional things again. Make plans inmediately after with friends or something, that way you will 'force' yourself to leave as soon as possible. Ifyou can wait to pick up your things and she doesn't mind keeping them for a while.. wait a month or something, so you can calm down. Then give yourself time! You're starting to understand your attachment style and that's a big deal! Maybe in a couple of months you both have calmed down and see things in a different point of view. Of course you haven't! Don't let anxiety get the best of you. I guess...My plan is really just to give her space. I mean she told me she's friends with all her exes, bar two (and she's casually friends with both of them, that I know). And she mentioned me as a close friend, at the start of that conversation. She also brought up being friends when we originally agreed to be casual, back in early-mid May. So I went back, since I'm sure you're curious, and ended up being able to talk to her for at least 30-40 minutes. Was super upbeat. About other stuff. Other than hugging and thanking her when I left, didn't mention a single emotional thing. she even helped me carry my stuff out and to my car. That and inviting her to tell me when she's in my area, although she left, and walked away pretty quickly. I had earlier asked if i could chill for al little bit, since i had a thing later that night, and she said yes but then kind of ushered me out (in a very subtle way. Like i could literally be reading into that, and from past experience with her probably). Yeah, my plan is to wait probably (at least) a week or two and slowly start initiating. Maybe longer, depending on my own feelings on the inside. I really hope that I haven't affected her in the way you were affected by that guy; i really hope we'll be friends, we had a fantastic connection before things started (it's why i fell so hard so fast). I've been that person before (last time, I was in the middle of a mental break down that was partially related but way larger. That was a long time ago and I am in an incredibly different place right now). I also want to add, that conversation having happened, and the whole seeing her and talking only as friends, has actually helped me quite a bit. and I'm way less attached than in the past.
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