FA emotive when drunk

kisstheviolets

Yeah of course, everyone is less inhibited when drinking. Alcohol lowers anxiety and fear.

As to your therapist suspecting you are actually FA too, I can sure relate to that too. I came here because I was crushed by an FA ex, only to find out I was FA myself. Want to share why your therapist suggested you might be FA?

Morning Violets <3

Something I was going to ask you yesterday, is do you feel that some of what you experienced (the cheating, the sudden deactivations) to have felt traumatic to you personally? It occurred to me that a lot of us involved with FA's or DA's have bonded with our partners traumatically, and have developed a
` trauma bond' at some point. Its very common, though not necessarily whats going on with you. I just thought I'd ask the question? Then as the relationship continues, we can desensitize and maybe numb a little due to the resulting complex PTSD. That's not to say any of this was due to malicious intent by our partners, but those issues can somewhat disempower us and make life feel like a struggle at times. They can also make us `split' and `paint our partners black' (ie see them as all bad), during a major PTSD attack. Those are all really great issues to explore with a mental health person if you have one to talk to?.

I'm not at all surprised your therapist suspects that your attachment with your FA has swung you FA as well. You've obviously read your FA well, and deal with his unreliability via seeking your own independence. I would suspect from my own interactions with you, that this is some combination of PTSD numbing, and a natural reaction to someone chaotic/traumatic in your life? True FA's deactivate because of intimacy and closeness. I think you detach because its the safest most reasonable response to the real situation personally.(just my opinion, for what its worth).

The approach I have taken with myself, when dealing with FA's during a major deactivation , is to first deal with the trauma bond. Trauma bonds mess up our neurochemicals and need a bit of time to settle down. A few months of clearing the bond (together with proper reflection and talking to people, like you are doing) can be fantastic for clear headed decision making, I found personally. 1 month at least can still do wonders, if you are taking good care of yourself. No contact really helps with this, but in my personal experience, it isn't always essential.

Some people refer to this as `coming out of a Fog'. The other part I've been trying hard to deal with is my own tendency to split. Like those deactivations HURRRRT and in the past i have abandoned people I love because of it. I'm trying to deal with my PTSD ina more balanced way.. like shuffling people to ``outer circle'' freinds if they are too triggering (sometimes this is just temporary), rather than dumping them. I'm honestly a lot happier since I've been doing that and its why i still have a small number of FA exes as close loyal friends.

Anyway theres a lot more to talk about of course. But I thought to mention complex PTSD and trauma bonding to you, in case you haven't already researched the terms. Its very empowering.

((hugs))

(And yeah, I saw the really beautiful side in some of FA's because of alcohol and reduced anxiety too)

Alcohol is a drug that affects people of all attachment styles.

It impacts brain chemistry, altering mood and emotions. Relying on alcohol for self disclosure or emotional expression should be a red flag to anyone seeking an emotionally healthy, emotionally honest and emotionally consistent relationship.

www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/you-illuminated/201006/your-brain-alcohol%3famp