Fear of being alone? | Jeb Kinnison Attachment Type Forum

Fear of being alone? Aug 17, 2019 15:09:37 GMT

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Post by nyc718 on Aug 17, 2019 15:09:37 GMT

Aug 17, 2019 9:07:13 GMT anne12 said:

Also a good advise is to stop using Words like "should" or "shouldn't" "supposed to" ect. about yourself or other people.
It drains your own and other people's lifeenergy and it keeps you in a victim role.
It can also create shame on yourself or another person.

Also parents can shame their child in this way - verbally or non verbally.

My goal is not in any way to shame him for saying he "should" understand, but rather it means I would think he could relate to the fact that if he feels anger about certain situations, why wouldn't I also be allowed to have anger about a situation? We are all human and we all feel the range of emotions. He is allowed to feel whatever he wants to feel, as am I, we all are.

Obviously though, how we direct it is important. We don't want the ones near and dear to us to feel like they are bad people because of our negative emotions, but I think it's okay to express when someone is doing or has said something that hurts you, and hopefully you can both be able to talk it out and actually be stronger because you came to a better understanding of how to communicate on the issue in the future. I can see and I have experienced how arguments can actually be productive in making a relationship stronger.

Unfortunately I understood too late that he is much more sensitive to those negative emotions, and that it causes much more intense and scary/fearful feelings and triggers that effect him. Like I said, if I knew then what I knew now, I would have completely changed my entire approach to him. I just had no idea till too late.