Post by elizincali on Aug 26, 2019 22:05:50 GMT
I think i’m fjnally ready to let him go ... My FA “friend” of a year (who treated me more like an emotional support person than he ever did as a lover) pulled a very flakey fa? or sneaky move last friday night. this after pursuing and circling and cycling and distancing and and and
and not being intimate but twice in all of 2019 and running for the door when the issue came up. That one, lol.
after calling all last week to try to see me, we finally made plans for him to come over for dinner. I got a text at 5pm: Not gonna work tonight. Raincheck.
He’s done that only one other time and i let it go but this time there was something about the callous and casual tone that set me off. I called him 3 times (didn’t pick up) and texted a snide text about how about sorry? etc
he never called that night or reached out until sunday am a text: Breakfast?
i replied that i couldn’t bc of plans with my family.
then he called this am and i let him hear me out on the phone. as usual he responded in anger and shock (whenever conflict arrives although i usually walk on eggshells and don’t raise my voice like today) and he said:
ok, have a great week. and started to hang up and i said do NoT hang up! shit you always run. pls come over for coffee.
so he did and we talked and he said he feels like he’s being pushed up against a wall when there’s conflict (there’s the abuse history) and i said, i feel abandoned when you go NC (my adoption issues).
so we had an awkward couple of hours. laid on my bed and i massages his scalp but nothing physical happened or ever happened. he made a mention of coming back over tonight and i vaguely said let’s tlak later.
but when he left, i felt a certain numbness. like, what am i getting from this man? i desperately want(ed) him to want me sexually and he hasn’t been able to feel that in months and months yet he is more a d more present emotionally.
i’m glad we talked and he didn’t hang up and leave me spinning for several weeks of NC (i will never reach out and he knows that)
but maybe a bittersweet end is for the best? just keeping touch in each other’s lives occasionally?
i am so torn. i reallt want to meet a man who wants all of me. my heart needs to be free of him, though.
so hard
he’s both so easy and so hard to love...
and not being intimate but twice in all of 2019 and running for the door when the issue came up. That one, lol.
after calling all last week to try to see me, we finally made plans for him to come over for dinner. I got a text at 5pm: Not gonna work tonight. Raincheck.
He’s done that only one other time and i let it go but this time there was something about the callous and casual tone that set me off. I called him 3 times (didn’t pick up) and texted a snide text about how about sorry? etc
he never called that night or reached out until sunday am a text: Breakfast?
i replied that i couldn’t bc of plans with my family.
then he called this am and i let him hear me out on the phone. as usual he responded in anger and shock (whenever conflict arrives although i usually walk on eggshells and don’t raise my voice like today) and he said:
ok, have a great week. and started to hang up and i said do NoT hang up! shit you always run. pls come over for coffee.
so he did and we talked and he said he feels like he’s being pushed up against a wall when there’s conflict (there’s the abuse history) and i said, i feel abandoned when you go NC (my adoption issues).
so we had an awkward couple of hours. laid on my bed and i massages his scalp but nothing physical happened or ever happened. he made a mention of coming back over tonight and i vaguely said let’s tlak later.
but when he left, i felt a certain numbness. like, what am i getting from this man? i desperately want(ed) him to want me sexually and he hasn’t been able to feel that in months and months yet he is more a d more present emotionally.
i’m glad we talked and he didn’t hang up and leave me spinning for several weeks of NC (i will never reach out and he knows that)
but maybe a bittersweet end is for the best? just keeping touch in each other’s lives occasionally?
i am so torn. i reallt want to meet a man who wants all of me. my heart needs to be free of him, though.
so hard
he’s both so easy and so hard to love...