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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2019 21:37:58 GMT
So I told my partner today, I can handle harsh words, aggression, and an uncaring attitude from any person on the planet but I just can't handle it from him. I may have shortcomings but in conflict with him I am a listener, I want to understand and I won't insult or attack. He knows this. He loves it. I need the same. That's a strength of mine- and it comes from not fucking mattering to people for a long time . I helped them and dtjey didn't help me. I need more now. I have work to do on opening up because that's just a foreign thing to me and I often think that he understands everything in my head even though I haven't told him, that's just a very strange oversight. But when it comes to conflict I need his gentleness and I need his help. He said he would do better about that. He didn't know, that I need him like that. I do not understand how he missed it. But anyway that's a post for another time.
Really sometimes needing someone is worse than not. I'm just upset. I will recover.
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Post by alexandra on Sept 3, 2019 21:44:53 GMT
Really sometimes needing someone is worse than not. I'm just upset. I will recover. It's "worse" because of your old talk track. It's not actually worse though, it's neutral. You're human. You're being human and doing okay with it. It sounds like you did a great job communicating your needs in this instance, so be proud of that! |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2019 21:58:38 GMT
Really sometimes needing someone is worse than not. I'm just upset. I will recover. It's "worse" because of your old talk track. It's not actually worse though, it's neutral. You're human. You're being human and doing okay with it. It sounds like you did a great job communicating your needs in this instance, so be proud of that! Thank you, I feel good but also perplexed but it's a long story I can tell later. It might shed light on things for people. I don't know. But it's more than an old talk track or insecure ideas. It's energy. I feel depleted. It's literally like I have four gallons of gasoline to get through the whole trip in a day and that took 3 3/4 of my gallons. It's not his fault that I shut down, and can't stay gassed up. It's not mine. But really when I am not in a relationship I don't have to push my car up hills because I ran out of gas with a passenger. I know that is a horrible thing to say but it depresses me to lose myself and my energy. I have a peaceful life and this turns me upside down. It's a worthy pursuit to try to grow healthier and have relationships and I want that. But there is a real obstacle to all of this and it's that I only have so much energy and if I lose itto deactivation, I feel like I'm failing and I have lost autonomy and my agency and my will and the capacity I have enjoyed to live my life freely. It's just the absolute saddest feeling. And yet I love him and I want to heal so I am just trying to cope. Such horrible things to think and say but that's where I am at. I feel sad and tired. I've mentioned before I wish I had more anxiety because at least I might be hurting and motivated to get shit done. I don't know. Maybe that's not true but that's how I see it. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2019 22:27:57 GMT
Also nyc718 and caro I am proud of and admire your own work on your own processes and I don't want to leave that out. It's all very good work and I admire the candor and humility. |
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Post by nyc718 on Sept 4, 2019 13:55:10 GMT
Also nyc718 and caro I am proud of and admire your own work on your own processes and I don't want to leave that out. It's all very good work and I admire the candor and humility. I see that we all are works in progress for the rest of our lives! None of us have the manual for life. We are all winging it and doing our best! We should all be proud of the work we have done and continue to do to get out of old habits and mindsets that no longer serve us. Kudos to all of us. |
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Post by kisstheviolets on Sept 4, 2019 22:11:26 GMT
Though most of my relationships have been long term, if I think back this is what I do. I start getting annoyed. I start having crushes on other people though I have never acted on it. Then touching me is repulsive and I do not find them attractive. I find them boring and everything that’s wrong is because of them not because of me. They are more like a friend. However, if they get upset at me or when they finally have had enough I get incredibly panicked and sad.
For me personally, I would not fathom doing some of the things my ex FA pulled with me. I do not lie, manipulate, cheat. I absolutely feel empathy and remorse when I hurt feelings or even when I think about past relationships and situations where I can clearly see how checked out I was. I would also say I absolutely genuinely loved these men and still do. Though I do not have a phantom ex. I love them all platonically and have fond memories. I will get jealous STILL even after many many years. But it’s not all consuming in any way. So there is my experience🖤
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