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Post by cmag82 on Jul 13, 2017 5:02:38 GMT
I'm having a hard time understanding if my ex Avoidant is just a jerk or if he's avoiding situations.
He broke up with me a few weeks ago. He said he's been trying to end the relationship for awhile now. Very hurtful to hear. I've been looking for just some acknowledgement of my feelings but he ignores anything I say regarding my feelings.
I wonder if he actually misses me and he's Avoidant or if he's just really over it.
We were together for an entire year and now I feel like that year of our lives was nothing at all to him.
His complaint about our relationship is that my family was too involved and he felt our relationship was being forced. Anything he does is always what he wants to do and he never compromises on anything. He's had several outbursts saying "no one is going to tell him what to do". It's very childish.
Has anyone else experienced something similar? Or am I being silly for thinking he really still has feelings for me but he's trying to avoid love and commitment.
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Post by cricket on Jul 13, 2017 16:22:36 GMT
Sorry you are dealing with this. Of course you want validation but trying ti get it thru someone who is either not ready or just doesnt know how to give it will only be heartbreaking for you.
I have been ignored for over a month now and I think ive gotten thru the worst of it but I still cry about it sometimes.
Dint feel bad if he doesnt come back around. My good friend was w a narcissist for 3yrs. Lived w him, did a lot for him and his kid and when they broke up he never ever called or texted her again. She tried to get closure from him for a month but he never once responded. Its been over a yr since they broke up now and she has completely moved on now.
Maybe the family thing was too much for him and his feelings started to dissapate but to just cut someone off is harsh but in his mind he felt that was the best way.
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guava
New Member
Posts: 19 
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Post by guava on Jul 13, 2017 20:51:01 GMT
I experienced something like this to a degree. My family wasn't very involved in our relationship, but oh man did my ex not want to be controlled. For example, he said he hated when his ex would call him while out with his guy friends wondering when he would be home because he felt it was controlling. It also came off as very childish when he would bring up the topic of being controlled.
Also, his best friend is a very sweet and caring guy. My ex called his best friend a "yes man" because he does a lot for his wife. I found that to be very odd because his best friend is happily married. It's not like his best friend is in a toxic relationship where his wife orders him around.
I think each DA is different in how they experience life post break up. He may KNOW that he misses you, but you may never find out. Or he may miss you and not even understand it. That is the part that I find the hardest to cope with. I am so sorry to hear you are going through something similar to what I did because I remember how much it hurts. It still hurts me to this day. But over time the pain will subside and you will be better for it. You have to keep educating yourself and growing.
Hope this helps you realize that you are not alone!
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Post by cmag82 on Jul 16, 2017 8:27:47 GMT
So we had a long conversation yesterday about how our entire relationship felt forced and like it didn't even happen. I told him that after a year of being together I don't feel like I even know him. I suggested that we take some time to be friends and see where things could maybe go. I said it wouldn't be fair to say we would never be together or we would for sure be together. He kept saying he didn't think we would ever be together. I still don't believe it's easy to say that.
So here's the other issue. I just found out I'm expecting. I've tried to tell him I want to raise this child in a loving home but he definitely keeps insisting we will never be together even despite the situation. I've dropped it but after our conversation yesterday about establishing a friendship, I text him today and said we really need to discuss the pregnancy and I didn't hear from him at all.
Has anyone else dealt with an Avoidant and pregnancy?
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Post by abolish on Jul 16, 2017 8:59:38 GMT
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Post by pooched on Jul 16, 2017 12:00:07 GMT
So very sorry to hear that you are going through this cmag82.
Sending many hugs your way.
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Post by cricket on Jul 16, 2017 14:46:33 GMT
Wow..I really feel for you. Thank you for sharing. I really hope he responds once he has a chance for it to sink in. If u do decide to go thru w pregnancy please tell me you have your own support group that doesnt include him. Like abolish said, he may never come around and u have to prepare for that. Having a kid is probably way more than he bargained for rt now and it may have just pushed him further away.
My DA has a 14yr old kid but he and the mother were never together after that. He is an awesome dad but he lives very far from them and doesnt have much to do w the mom.
Do what is best for you in this situation. A year may feel like a ling time to me and you but for them it's nothing. They aren't very sentimental and it will take yrs for them to form a proper bond.
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