cat
New Member
Posts: 17
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Post by cat on Sept 13, 2019 13:13:26 GMT
I'm diagnosed with FA but I feel so much more DA rather than FA. It's been more than a year since I broke up with my ex (3,5 years together) and I feel like I don't need anyone in my life. I keep at safe distance even my friends. Constantly aiming at moving to another place, no attachment towards men. I dated a guy for about 3 months but all I want is to escape, I feel extremely disconnected and suffocated by those who want to get clos to me, including my family. Does this sound FA?
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Post by tnr9 on Sept 13, 2019 13:19:16 GMT
I'm diagnosed with FA but I feel so much more DA rather than FA. It's been more than a year since I broke up with my ex (3,5 years together) and I feel like I don't need anyone in my life. I keep at safe distance even my friends. Constantly aiming at moving to another place, no attachment towards men. I dated a guy for about 3 months but all I want is to escape, I feel extremely disconnected and suffocated by those who want to get clos to me, including my family. Does this sound FA? Have you talked to a therapist about it? It sounds like your last relationship really triggered your avoidant side. i am AP but I am having extremely un AP reactions. I freeze and have a desire to flee whenever someone speaks about him. And he broke up with me over 2 years ago. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2019 14:27:35 GMT
Are you possibly depressed?
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Post by anne12 on Sept 13, 2019 15:15:47 GMT
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Post by stu on Sept 13, 2019 15:28:22 GMT
I'm diagnosed with FA but I feel so much more DA rather than FA. It's been more than a year since I broke up with my ex (3,5 years together) and I feel like I don't need anyone in my life. I keep at safe distance even my friends. Constantly aiming at moving to another place, no attachment towards men. I dated a guy for about 3 months but all I want is to escape, I feel extremely disconnected and suffocated by those who want to get clos to me, including my family. Does this sound FA? Sounds almost identical to an FA I was recently involved with. Underneath the detachment and feeling suffocated though is fear and anxiety. Just in a different form then someone who is anxiously attached. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2019 18:51:18 GMT
Sounds more like DA to me.
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Post by serenity on Sept 13, 2019 20:00:01 GMT
I've heard of this happening before also, after long relationships with FA's, or a succession of them. I feel it happening within myself also at times, because of close relationships with FAs.
It feels to me like a reactive, hyper independence that comes on, and I'm watching this about myself. Some of it feels like healthy self-growth, and some of it feels like dissociation. My take on it is that because of their own triggers, FA's condition you to feel that deep, intimate attachment is dangerous, will result in abandonment, will be punished. So you start to experience attachment as a trigger that will lead to rejection and pain. Same with the mechanism of regularly switching attachment on-off, that FA's do. You are led to feel that the close times will end with a sudden discard, and so detachment becomes your coping mechanism.
I make a big effort to nurture my friendships with people fully capable of great communication and consistent attachment, which does help quite a lot. But still. I'm watching the conditioning effects of relationships with FA's. My best fA friend is consistent now, talks daily and is not afraid of deep discussion. My lover of 15 months has just cycled back after his 2nd major deactivation. I'm thinking we should be just friends for a while, so i don't get too damaged by his cycling.
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Post by dhali on Sept 13, 2019 22:50:44 GMT
Great link. It also answers the question- yes |
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