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Post by single88 on Sept 18, 2019 19:14:16 GMT
single88, she may very well have regrets, but they may be extremely delayed. Even if she doesn't, don't feel bad about that. Hurt people hurt people in these sorts of ways, and it doesn't sound easy or comfortable to be her. The amount of pain and disconnection from yourself involved in acting that erratic reflects a troubled person that I wouldn't want to trade places with. You've started with some therapy, you're confronting this head-on within yourself -- you're going to get through this and find a better path more quickly in the long run while she's going to repeat and repeat until she stops to figure this out. You're showing tremendous strength in pursuing personal growth as you're coping with this. You deserve better, and it may seem like a long way off as you mourn, but if you keep going you're going to find it. Thank you for your kind words. She is very good at putting on a good front so it seems like she has a very happy and fulfilling life. On paper, she seems to have it more together than me. I feel broken today. I really can't imagine us not ending up together, crazy right? I really do hope I get there. I have to after all! She even text me yesterday asking if i had forgotten about her, I think she was only half serious though but I asked her if she really thought that and she said she didnt. Hurt my heart. |
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Post by dhali on Sept 18, 2019 20:24:42 GMT
Fwiw, I do think you need to go no contact.
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Post by number9 on Sept 18, 2019 20:43:14 GMT
single88 , she may very well have regrets, but they may be extremely delayed. Even if she doesn't, don't feel bad about that. Hurt people hurt people in these sorts of ways, and it doesn't sound easy or comfortable to be her. The amount of pain and disconnection from yourself involved in acting that erratic reflects a troubled person that I wouldn't want to trade places with. You've started with some therapy, you're confronting this head-on within yourself -- you're going to get through this and find a better path more quickly in the long run while she's going to repeat and repeat until she stops to figure this out. You're showing tremendous strength in pursuing personal growth as you're coping with this. You deserve better, and it may seem like a long way off as you mourn, but if you keep going you're going to find it. Thank you for your kind words. She is very good at putting on a good front so it seems like she has a very happy and fulfilling life. On paper, she seems to have it more together than me. I feel broken today. I really can't imagine us not ending up together, crazy right? I really do hope I get there. I have to after all! She even text me yesterday asking if i had forgotten about her, I think she was only half serious though but I asked her if she really thought that and she said she didnt. Hurt my heart. Oh! That is so sad -- to think of her asking "have you forgotten about me?" I'm so sorry to think of the pain that is causing you. Other people may have better advice (like going no contact) but, for now, I'll just send you my best wishes for you and your hurting heart. You can get beyond this! |
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Post by single88 on Sept 19, 2019 12:17:41 GMT
Thank you. I don't initiate any contact with her, she just seems to text now and again and sometimes I reply. She never asks about me, it is always some link to a show we used to watch. She really wanted to be friends and I feel guilty not being her friend but I still have feelings so it would not be a true friendship. Plus when she has tried to be friendly it is all about her. She doesn't seem to want to know about my life.
I know we don't have a future, its taken a long time to realise that and I am so grateful she is happy and ok with her decision living a good life. I just need to make that for myself now.
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Post by serenity on Sept 19, 2019 17:53:55 GMT
I would feel ambushed in your situation, and each text would open wounds again. Until I've properly moved on, I feel sad getting breadcrumb messages from someone I once relied on for love. It might be a simple bland text, but each one starts up the spiral of thoughts and memories and feelings of failure and loss.
I broke up with someone I'd been seeing for 15 months this week. I hold no hard feelings but I'm blocking him until I've healed. When I have only platonic feelings for him, I will think hard about whether I really consider him a friend.
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Post by single88 on Sept 23, 2019 22:31:31 GMT
I wish I had the strength to block her. Like you it would not be out of malice but a chance to breathe. I spent so long looking after, it is hard to take that next step and leave her to it - even though rationally I know this is the choice she has made.
I lost all self control yesterday and text her. I was not expecting a reply but she started to reminisce and it was nice. She told me a little about what she had been up to then just stopped. I was not expecting to hear from her again and then she messaged today. It was about an event we had talked about going to. I suggested we go together if she fancied it but I did not get a reply. Which I am ok with. It just seemed like that was what she may have wanted me to say, clearly not.
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Post by stu on Sept 23, 2019 23:44:48 GMT
I wish I had the strength to block her. Like you it would not be out of malice but a chance to breathe. I spent so long looking after, it is hard to take that next step and leave her to it - even though rationally I know this is the choice she has made. I lost all self control yesterday and text her. I was not expecting a reply but she started to reminisce and it was nice. She told me a little about what she had been up to then just stopped. I was not expecting to hear from her again and then she messaged today. It was about an event we had talked about going to. I suggested we go together if she fancied it but I did not get a reply. Which I am ok with. It just seemed like that was what she may have wanted me to say, clearly not. People crack and text their exes all the time when they miss them, don't beat yourself up about it. But definitely keep your boundaries even if you slip up here and there. So you can move on and not get roped into repeating the same things with her again. Prolonging the inevitable and putting yourself through the ringer again. |
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Post by single88 on Sept 24, 2019 18:21:22 GMT
Thank you. I think my friends and family think I am going crazy. Sometimes I wonder if I am too, ha. I am trying to sit with my feelings, I know I cant rush things and it will take as long as it takes.
Part of me still hopes for a reconciliation and I cant see how that will happen without contact. But if I loved her, I need to let her go.
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Post by stu on Sept 24, 2019 21:47:47 GMT
Thank you. I think my friends and family think I am going crazy. Sometimes I wonder if I am too, ha. I am trying to sit with my feelings, I know I cant rush things and it will take as long as it takes. Part of me still hopes for a reconciliation and I cant see how that will happen without contact. But if I loved her, I need to let her go. you spent a huge chunk of your life with her So of course it's going to take time and leave a huge impact on you. But with how things were going especially her having an affair and the issue with the house. you are so much better off startjng fresh , re collecting yourself and eventually finding someone who is healthy for you and will help enhance your life, rather then make you suffer. |
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