From my journal. An example of things I remember.

My FA in the end made it seem like I was just some obsessed casual fling that glommed on to him. I try to journal these things when they come to mind, just very random things he said throughout the 2 year course. How would anyone be ale to make any sense of this? 
*edit* Sorry for some of the language***

You’re the one I know it

I think I would know by now if you were the one

No, I don’t want to be just friends

And then there is you Sarah and you terrify me

Our conversations are something I am not used to and I like it

I am just not used to this

You are the kindest and most generous woman I have ever spent time with. Remember that.

I am starting to believe in you

I am starting to trust you

I didn’t feel it enough to believe it

I thought, what if I was coming home to Sarah. Makes sense

You are missed and loved

My feelings didn’t just change

January 7th, I turned the corner

I could never turn the corner with you

You are so beautiful I can’t wait to curl up with you

I know I could like someone like you

I like blondes that’s what it is

If Harry Potter is important to you than it is to me

I miss you

You could be the biggest blessing in my life

I wanted to hear your voice

The problem is I can’t find anything wrong with you

The text messages had me thinking no this is not it

I will slow dance with you so much it will blow your mind

I’ve been in a void with you for the past two years

I adore you Sarah and I don’t know why you like me because I am such a hot mess

I’ve been acting like your boyfriend but I just don’t feel it

Yeah, I’m happy cause I’m with my Sarah

I have you in my heart



I thought you might just not mind hearing my music from the basement

There is nobody else in my world

You’re so different than anyone I have ever been with

I never committed to you Sarah, we were never in a relationship

I have a feeling we are going to have many adventures

I am motivated to work things out with you

I have an aversion to relationships

Yes, I am enjoying a fresh new relationship
(with the next girl-overlapped)
I was afraid of all the changes that would entail being with you

I told Wes I thought you were worth investing in a relationship with

I don’t care how many kids you have, find someone willing to be your sperm donor

I just don’t have it in me to be with you

No, I didn’t tell him I liked you, awkward



I tell my friends about our Legos and crafting and they think it’s so cute

Yes, I really want you to wait

You can have all the sperm

I did everything you said and it didn’t change
I
went back to Susan because I was scared

I love you

Can’t you tell by actions how I feel?

We should have never slept together

We have amazing sex

I love fucking you

Yes, we have a bond

I want a bond and a relationship with someone that’s not you Sarah

We made love

Why do you think I don’t wear a condom?

You did this on purpose to hurt me

You are nothing but an Elizabeth
(his two "bad" exes were Elizabeth's and its my middle name)
I am not onboard
with the pregnancy (via text- real classy)
You will always have a piece of my heart

I only said those things because I wanted to feel them

I am not playing with your heart

Let’s go to fashion week, I would melt to see your reaction

We make a good team

I really want to discuss this at some point

I don’t think we will ever not see each other

I will always be your friend

I got close to you and I shouldn’t have

Don’t contact me again