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Post by sunkissed123 on Sept 15, 2019 17:27:05 GMT
Love reading everyone's adventures in love and was wondering if there are any success stories on here involving FA's? Do they ever come back and truly work on their ways? If so, let's hear!  |
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Post by alexandra on Sept 16, 2019 6:12:51 GMT
You should give the book The Truth by Neil Strauss a read. It's a success story that sets expectations properly. Several hundred pages of his journey and the extreme behaviors it led him to as well as the repetitive failures with other insecure partners and enormous amount of therapy which eventually brought him from unaware FA to earned secure (though most of the book is not written in attachment terms), and how incredibly difficult someone's journey can be. It took a couple years and scores of new partners for him to return to his AP partner, and there's snippets of how it affected her (also the work she did during that time, during which they were completely no contact). It's great in how it details how self-motivated and personal the process has to be, how painful it may be, and the negative impact it can have on others.
The post-script is googling what happened with them after the book.
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Post by serenity on Sept 17, 2019 3:11:34 GMT
Wow, I hadn't heard of this book before Alexandra , thank you. I don't know if I could stomach reading it, but I vaguely remember hearing about Neil Strauss and his pick up artist instruction book `The Game'. I shudder thinking how close FA attachment style is to malicious pick up artist tactics. You can see how easy it would be to take elements of FA (and DA) natural attachment style, hone them consciously, and turn them into instructions for abusing and manipulating women (especially trauma victims).
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Post by tnr9 on Sept 17, 2019 3:23:32 GMT
Love reading everyone's adventures in love and was wondering if there are any success stories on here involving FA's? Do they ever come back and truly work on their ways? If so, let's hear! I think the key point is that each person has to be willing to work out his/her individual issues... |
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Post by alexandra on Sept 17, 2019 23:44:28 GMT
serenity, epicgum recommended it The good news is, once Neil Strauss earned secure and realized what he had been doing, he denounced pick up artists and his prior book The Game.
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Post by serenity on Sept 18, 2019 3:39:32 GMT
Alexandra, did he ever say why he and his wife split after 5 years, when he went back to her? I mean its easy to see that after his experiences marriage would have been rough, i'm curious though. I would read the book, but its probably a bit too triggering right now.
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Post by stu on Sept 18, 2019 5:18:12 GMT
Alexandra, did he ever say why he and his wife split after 5 years, when he went back to her? I mean its easy to see that after his experiences marriage would have been rough, i'm curious though. I would read the book, but its probably a bit too triggering right now. From what I remember he had massive issues with sexual addiction and repeatedly cheated on her. I could be wrong Ive known about Niel Strauss for a long time and watched the interview about the book. Never read through it myself though. I would say he had a lot of comorbid issues beyond just the FA stuff. |
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Post by alexandra on Sept 18, 2019 7:50:28 GMT
stu, the book discusses all that, why he was cheating, all the issues. That stops, they get married, have a child. serenity, I haven't seen them speak publicly about why he filed for divorce, but once you take away attachment issues (and that assumes she also earned secure from AP, which I don't know that she did), that still doesn't mean you're compatible. Plus, once you evolve and earn secure, you may be a different person and not compatible with that person you had an insecure connection with. However, I kind of assume that their 20 year age difference and difference in life stages, plus they both have jobs that would make them travel a lot, resulted in growing apart. I don't know that, though.
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