soho
Junior Member
Posts: 54 
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Post by soho on Jul 14, 2017 19:32:54 GMT
What would a DA person think about having an open relationship and allow his/her partner to find intimacy elsewhere? Would that be relieving in a way, the fact that the non-DA becomes less demanding?
Or do you know any alternatives to make a LT relationship balanced and sustainable? Like being intimate once a while in exchange for freedom?
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Post by abolish on Jul 15, 2017 17:32:50 GMT
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soho
Junior Member
Posts: 54
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Post by soho on Jul 15, 2017 21:52:35 GMT
I see your point. I thought the DA could feel relieved in a way, but the relationship could continue.
My wife is DA and I miss intimacy so much that I can t stand it any more. But we have 2 kids and share a lot of things.
Until now I ve mostly read tips about the one having to accept the other, etc. But I haven't found anything about other solutions, like having separate bedrooms and sleeping together only once a week, or having open relations, or other very specific arrangements.
If we don t find a stable and harmonised way of staying together I m afraid we d better divorce. But this wil have a lot of disadvantages, for the kids as well.
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Post by abolish on Jul 16, 2017 8:49:26 GMT
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Post by gaynxious on Jul 17, 2017 19:01:18 GMT
My ex and I were sexually open which I think works really well for an avoidant because they tend to prefer casual sex because it is emotionally safe. It worked for me because I used sex as a means of regulating my emotional state when he refused to comply with my demands. I was never more likely to hook up than when I was mad at him, and not in a revenge way as this didn't hurt his feelings. It merely drove out the negative emotion rather than dealt with its cause.
My ex had a very broad definition of emotional cheating which makes sense as avoidants consider sexual infidelity as less serious than emotional infidelity. That worked out alright because I prefers compartmentalizing as I didn't want to develop feelings that might threaten the relationship.
To have expressly wanted open as a means to find intimacy would prolly have really bothered him and I know for me I was furious when he developed a liking for sociosexual environments as oppose to just random app hookups.
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