Post by lovebunny on Oct 3, 2019 13:28:06 GMT
About 3/2 months ago, my FA girlfriend of 8 1/2 months dumped me rather out of the blue (it was our 2nd cycle.) We had just planned out our first vacation together, to a country I'd always wanted to go, tickets nonrefundable. She wanted a resort vacation, so I found us a nice but affordable LGBT resort. We were both very excited about it.
After the breakup, she still wanted to go on that vacation. I let her have it. I, on the other hand, threw some money at the problem, changed the dates of my tickets, and instead of staying in the beachtown resort, I jumped on a group kayaking tour that moved all around the country. I figured an active vacation around lots of other people would be better for me than getting drunk at a tiki bar by myself.
She took the vacation we were supposed to have together alone (or possibly with someone else? Who knows, I have not and will not look at her social media.) I was actually ok during the dates she was away, I'd forgoteen all about the original dates until the airline kindly sent me a reminder (I was the one who booked the tickets.) No matter, I looked forward to my own trip.
Then it was my turn to go. I had a great trip, I really did. I thought of her once in a while, of course, but not enough to ruin my fun. She even "liked" one of my photos while I was there, a picture of me doing an activity we'd talked about doing together. There were a couple of other queer girls on the trip, and I told them about how I'd come to take the kayak tour, and they bucked me up if I started to feel in any way down.
I got back a couple of days ago, and am suffering some post-vacation depression. Suddenly, I'm ruminating again, to the point of discomfort. How could she take the vacation I planned for us without me? How was she not thinking about me every minute of that trip? I feel as if I must just be so easily forgettable for her to do that.
I'd thought I'd healed more from this, thought I'd understood where she was coming from, she'd hit an emotional wall and the relationship was never going to progress beyond where it was, so she set us both free. But suddenly I feel like I was just....nothing. I've suddenly gone backwards in my healing, and I can't quite figure out why I'm reliving this all of a sudden, why I feel, again, like I need to make sense of her actions, which seem so cold to me. It's extremely frustrating.
After the breakup, she still wanted to go on that vacation. I let her have it. I, on the other hand, threw some money at the problem, changed the dates of my tickets, and instead of staying in the beachtown resort, I jumped on a group kayaking tour that moved all around the country. I figured an active vacation around lots of other people would be better for me than getting drunk at a tiki bar by myself.
She took the vacation we were supposed to have together alone (or possibly with someone else? Who knows, I have not and will not look at her social media.) I was actually ok during the dates she was away, I'd forgoteen all about the original dates until the airline kindly sent me a reminder (I was the one who booked the tickets.) No matter, I looked forward to my own trip.
Then it was my turn to go. I had a great trip, I really did. I thought of her once in a while, of course, but not enough to ruin my fun. She even "liked" one of my photos while I was there, a picture of me doing an activity we'd talked about doing together. There were a couple of other queer girls on the trip, and I told them about how I'd come to take the kayak tour, and they bucked me up if I started to feel in any way down.
I got back a couple of days ago, and am suffering some post-vacation depression. Suddenly, I'm ruminating again, to the point of discomfort. How could she take the vacation I planned for us without me? How was she not thinking about me every minute of that trip? I feel as if I must just be so easily forgettable for her to do that.
I'd thought I'd healed more from this, thought I'd understood where she was coming from, she'd hit an emotional wall and the relationship was never going to progress beyond where it was, so she set us both free. But suddenly I feel like I was just....nothing. I've suddenly gone backwards in my healing, and I can't quite figure out why I'm reliving this all of a sudden, why I feel, again, like I need to make sense of her actions, which seem so cold to me. It's extremely frustrating.