Why you will never fall in love with the wrong person
Oct 15, 2019 9:39:12 GMT
happyidiot and averyleigh like this
Post by anne12 on Oct 15, 2019 9:39:12 GMT
When eyes meet and sweet music arises, we look into a marvelous universe, full of dreams, longing, mystery and magic. Life suddenly opens up in the most magnificent way. The possibilities seem endless. And we feel in all our excelence as never before - an excellence that we haveing a hard time holding onto ourselves and so want to take ownership of.
And if we look a little deeper - we will find that the eyes that looks back at us, are our own. That the loving eyes we are looking into answer the longing, that we cannot really take care of ourselves, and which therefore mainly lives in us as a hope.
Conversely, when the other holds up the mirror to all of our mistakes and shortcomings or annoying sides, we often feel misrepresented - we begin to defend and explain ourselves and our actions to prove the other is wrong.
Unfortunately, the exact same truth applies here.
Because when we look a little deeper, we also discover that the eyes that look back at us are our own. That the dismissive eyes we look into confirm our deepest disappointment and pain - our own inner self-condemnation that convinces us that we are just not good enough.
In order to realize our dreams and longings, we must dare to take ownership of those longings and dreams. We must dare to stand by them in our relationship. Otherwise, the chance of their realization is minimal.
Similarly, in order to settle the disappointments we bear, we must dare to take ownership of them - stand by them when activated in our relationship.
The vast majority of us expect - consciously or unconsciously and whether we will stand by it or not - that our relationships will fulfill our longings and settle our disappointments. If that doesn't happen, there must be something wrong with the relationship. Or ... we're not saying that out loud. But deep down we expect it
But the gift lovers have to give each other is quite another. Namely, the challenge of meeting our whole self - good and bad . And in that meeting, we are asked to take responsibility and ownership for both our dreams and longings (rather than expecting our partner to pay them for us) as well as for our disappointments (rather than blaming our partner)
Once we understand that, we have a completely different dynamic basis for saying yes to each other and the challenge it is to pair with another human. Instead of moving from one relationship to the next - hoping to avoid disappointments and fulfill our longings - we will find that a marriage can contain many marriages. That it is not necessarily about going out and finding the next partner who will fulfill those longings. If we dare, it can happen right where we are.
Do you dare to say Yes! to the relationship? - the couple relationship beyond the Disney model. The real adventure. The joint journey where we together make life bigger. Where 1 + 1 neither turns into 2 nor -7, but where 2 together discover the endless possibilities of mutual growth for the couple.
Put another way and with a twinkle in the eye:
The Disney adventure includes the prince, princess and half the kingdom.
The real adventure includes the prince and princess and the whole kingdom.
It begins wholeheartedly with Yes! - Yes! to the whole adventure. To all of you. To all of us.
Reflections for you who are currently in a relationship:
Are you struggling to win in relationship conflicts because you dare not to see yourself in the mirror held up Infront of you?
Are you curious what is really bothering your partner about you?
How good are you at saying "hi!" to the possibility, that you might be wrong when your partner blames you?
Do you find it hard not to explain and defend or justify what your partner blames you for - just to be open to your partner's point of view and experience, even if it doesn't necessarily show you in a flattering light right now?
Do you sometimes feel that your partner is the real cause of what disappoints you in your relationship?
How do you relate to the possibility that he / she might just be a catalyst that activates something old and unresolved in you?
How do you think you disappoint your partner?
Do you think your partner also sees you as the cause of his / her disappointments in the relationship?
Do disappointments make you emotionally keep a back door open in your relationship?
In what situations?
Do you think your partner has a back door open?
Is that something you talk about together? On how to be honest?
Write it all down. Honestly.
Remember that it takes two to tango.
A psykologist/sociologist/shadow worker ect.
www.shadowwedding.com/basics.html
www.shadowwedding.com/jim_jessica_benson_interview.html
And if we look a little deeper - we will find that the eyes that looks back at us, are our own. That the loving eyes we are looking into answer the longing, that we cannot really take care of ourselves, and which therefore mainly lives in us as a hope.
Conversely, when the other holds up the mirror to all of our mistakes and shortcomings or annoying sides, we often feel misrepresented - we begin to defend and explain ourselves and our actions to prove the other is wrong.
Unfortunately, the exact same truth applies here.
Because when we look a little deeper, we also discover that the eyes that look back at us are our own. That the dismissive eyes we look into confirm our deepest disappointment and pain - our own inner self-condemnation that convinces us that we are just not good enough.
In order to realize our dreams and longings, we must dare to take ownership of those longings and dreams. We must dare to stand by them in our relationship. Otherwise, the chance of their realization is minimal.
Similarly, in order to settle the disappointments we bear, we must dare to take ownership of them - stand by them when activated in our relationship.
The vast majority of us expect - consciously or unconsciously and whether we will stand by it or not - that our relationships will fulfill our longings and settle our disappointments. If that doesn't happen, there must be something wrong with the relationship. Or ... we're not saying that out loud. But deep down we expect it
But the gift lovers have to give each other is quite another. Namely, the challenge of meeting our whole self - good and bad . And in that meeting, we are asked to take responsibility and ownership for both our dreams and longings (rather than expecting our partner to pay them for us) as well as for our disappointments (rather than blaming our partner)
Once we understand that, we have a completely different dynamic basis for saying yes to each other and the challenge it is to pair with another human. Instead of moving from one relationship to the next - hoping to avoid disappointments and fulfill our longings - we will find that a marriage can contain many marriages. That it is not necessarily about going out and finding the next partner who will fulfill those longings. If we dare, it can happen right where we are.
Do you dare to say Yes! to the relationship? - the couple relationship beyond the Disney model. The real adventure. The joint journey where we together make life bigger. Where 1 + 1 neither turns into 2 nor -7, but where 2 together discover the endless possibilities of mutual growth for the couple.
Put another way and with a twinkle in the eye:
The Disney adventure includes the prince, princess and half the kingdom.
The real adventure includes the prince and princess and the whole kingdom.
It begins wholeheartedly with Yes! - Yes! to the whole adventure. To all of you. To all of us.
Reflections for you who are currently in a relationship:
Are you struggling to win in relationship conflicts because you dare not to see yourself in the mirror held up Infront of you?
Are you curious what is really bothering your partner about you?
How good are you at saying "hi!" to the possibility, that you might be wrong when your partner blames you?
Do you find it hard not to explain and defend or justify what your partner blames you for - just to be open to your partner's point of view and experience, even if it doesn't necessarily show you in a flattering light right now?
Do you sometimes feel that your partner is the real cause of what disappoints you in your relationship?
How do you relate to the possibility that he / she might just be a catalyst that activates something old and unresolved in you?
How do you think you disappoint your partner?
Do you think your partner also sees you as the cause of his / her disappointments in the relationship?
Do disappointments make you emotionally keep a back door open in your relationship?
In what situations?
Do you think your partner has a back door open?
Is that something you talk about together? On how to be honest?
Write it all down. Honestly.
Remember that it takes two to tango.
A psykologist/sociologist/shadow worker ect.
www.shadowwedding.com/basics.html
www.shadowwedding.com/jim_jessica_benson_interview.html