jules
Full Member
Posts: 142
|
Post by jules on Oct 22, 2019 23:44:37 GMT
Nothing new to report. Things are unchanged. I broke up with my FA friday and we are NC. I had forgotten how much breaking up hurts. I miss him. I was offered a job which he, in large part, helped me land. Its so very hard to rectify that he was this great help, support and cheerleader to me and at the same time he can tell me itd be ok for me to date others. I get hes likely saying this bc he knows he cant give me, or anyone, what I need but it really stung. How can you just not care about someone like that? I'm not the jealous type but I would not be cool with him dating others after a year. It just hurts. Tremendously. I so wanted him to be something he really is not. I'm ok all day (thank goodness for 13 hour days) but at home, alone, really brings me to tears. I know it will pass but I feel worse today than I did in previous days. Why?
Thanks all.
|
|
|
Post by serenity on Oct 23, 2019 0:39:13 GMT
(Hugs) Jules. I'm sorry you are hurting; its totally understandable.
With me there was quite a bit of dissociation and maybe even denial to get through at first. I dissociated a LOT during my last relationship, and as it passed, the grief feelings started to become very intense. I was folded over sobbing many times during the day, for around 2-3 weeks. I mean so much about the relationship hurt, for a very long time. So little of it was satisfying in the end. I think a lot of my grief came from missing the honeymoon, the man who courted me and said he loved me. The hopes I had for the relationship with someone very compatible. Feelings triggered by old wounds. I also miss the friend he was too. But in the end, you do realise there wasn't much left to really miss.
If you read back on old posts on the FA and DA boards, it does help you see that these relationships play out the same way every time. There's nothing you could have done to get back the man you fell in love with.
I'm at around the 4 week mark now, with no reaching out. I'm starting to feel that the worst of the grief has passed now. You've just got to take one day at a time for a while, you'll get there. <3
|
|
jules
Full Member
Posts: 142
|
Post by jules on Oct 23, 2019 0:52:18 GMT
Thanks Doll! He never said he loved me. Not even remotely close. Probably for the best.
|
|
|
Post by stu on Oct 23, 2019 2:13:49 GMT
Nothing new to report. Things are unchanged. I broke up with my FA friday and we are NC. I had forgotten how much breaking up hurts. I miss him. I was offered a job which he, in large part, helped me land. Its so very hard to rectify that he was this great help, support and cheerleader to me and at the same time he can tell me itd be ok for me to date others. I get hes likely saying this bc he knows he cant give me, or anyone, what I need but it really stung. How can you just not care about someone like that? I'm not the jealous type but I would not be cool with him dating others after a year. It just hurts. Tremendously. I so wanted him to be something he really is not. I'm ok all day (thank goodness for 13 hour days) but at home, alone, really brings me to tears. I know it will pass but I feel worse today than I did in previous days. Why? Thanks all. I feel like that's a normal part of grief in general, it hits you in waves and you can have good days and bad days, good hours and bad hours, etc. It's not a fun experience though so I hope you feel better soon!
|
|
jules
Full Member
Posts: 142
|
Post by jules on Oct 23, 2019 9:31:10 GMT
Thank you.
I have little doubt that he will contact me. The thing is I can't go back to that. Not the way he is. it will have the identical outcome unless he works toward secure. Likely not even on his radar to do. He scoffed at therapy despite my sharing that I spent years throughout my life in therapy. I am a huge advocate for it.
It's just a rut. It will get better. I will find someone. I just had really hoped it would be him. I will miss our time together but not the emotional rollercoaster. Not at all.
Focusing on the not so great stuff is keeping me grounded. Not slipping on rose coloured glasses. Well, perhaps periodically, but I quickly revert back to the reality of it. He does not yet know how to really human. Sad, but 100 percent true. I really hope someday he gets there for himself. Love is a beautiful thing.
|
|
|
Post by nyc718 on Oct 25, 2019 23:35:18 GMT
Thank you. I have little doubt that he will contact me. The thing is I can't go back to that. Not the way he is. it will have the identical outcome unless he works toward secure. Likely not even on his radar to do. He scoffed at therapy despite my sharing that I spent years throughout my life in therapy. I am a huge advocate for it. It's just a rut. It will get better. I will find someone. I just had really hoped it would be him. I will miss our time together but not the emotional rollercoaster. Not at all. Focusing on the not so great stuff is keeping me grounded. Not slipping on rose coloured glasses. Well, perhaps periodically, but I quickly revert back to the reality of it. He does not yet know how to really human. Sad, but 100 percent true. I really hope someday he gets there for himself. Love is a beautiful thing. i'm so sorry you're going through this! I just posted about my FA barely contacting me after we got back together and everything was going great. I feel like I am preparing myself for the END. It hurts and it's painful, but what can I do, you know? I understand how you feel, and all I can say is I'm so sorry and big hugs.
|
|