Post by anne12 on Oct 24, 2019 16:27:51 GMT
Where do negative beliefs come from?
Your beliefs do not come out of the blue air but typically come from the community you are a part of, your relationships, and from the people you surround yourself with. And especially, they form early in the relationships you have early in your life.
Especially very early experiences from before you were given any language, you may not necessarily speak words, but nevertheless they live in you as deep convictions.
Landmark events in your life can also set themselves as deep convictions.
Traumatic
events such as being abandoned, betrayed or assaulted can change your way of seeing the world, yourself and other people.
Experiences later in life can also give you negative beliefs. Maybe you are abandoned by a boyfriend you loved and you decide (subconsciously) that it is too painful and risky to love and trust someone who means something to you and you settle for a partner you are not really attatched to.
Negative beliefs are often inherited through generations. The beliefs you get from your parents and others who have influenced your upbringing are both conscious and visible (eg phrases that have been said such as "I love you, you are the most important thing in my life") and the more unconscious and unseen (e.g., in practice, you did not feel loved or important because your parents prioritized their work higher than you)
The beliefs that you have brought with you are thus both created on the basis of what others have said to you but in particular your beliefs are also created on the basis of your parents' behavior and their unconscious patterns and beliefs. It is not intentionally that we pass beliefs to our children - but again; what we cannot or will not see in ourselves, we often pass on.
How to spot your own negative beliefs:
Dealing with negative beliefs can be a bit overwhelming. After all, we all have a lot of negative beliefs, no matter who we are, so where to start? It makes sense to tackle deep beliefs one at a time and the order in which they are relevant. Often it is a bit like a yarn key. Once you get to the right end, a lot will wrap itself out. You may know what conviction is right for you, but if not, you can use the following procedure.
Start by identifying the primary issue in your life right now. Maybe you feel you have many challenges right now, but start with the most basic problem.
For example, it can be:
I want a partner but can't find one
I have anxiety
I can't control my temper With my children
I have big financial problems
I don't know what I want with my work life
It can be any problem, but look carefully at it and see if you can come up with the core problem. Write down the core issue.
I always recommend that you write when working with yourself in this way. It makes a difference when you reflect on paper, and it makes it easier for you to see your thoughts from the outside.
Then take a look at your problem and find out which beliefs prevents you from moving forward with your problem. Conscious and unconscious. Do not analyze yourself - trust what immediately appears.
You can Do this by completing the following sentences on paper several times:
"The deep conviction is ..."
"I am afraid that…."
"What I'm really scared of is ..."
change negative beliefs.
Notice that beliefs are, of course, something that you perceive as obvious and that you are convinced is true (if it is a conscious belief).
And also remember that your deepest beliefs are often revealed in your behavior. So look at your behavior. What does it reveal about your beliefs about yourself, others, and life?
For example, your problem may be that you want a partner but haven't been able to find one.
Your beliefs can be: There are no good men/women who are not already taken, I'm not pretty enough, interesting enough, smart enough etc. for someone to love me. I'm too shy - I can't figure out how to meet new people.
I'm going to end my days alone and lonely.
And maybe you can see in your behavior that certain patterns repeat themselves:
That you are only attracted to married men or men with low self-esteem or other qualities you basically do not want.
That you back out of the relationship every time you get feelings for a man or the other way around.
That you sabotage yourself by avoiding occasions where you could meet a man
Then take a closer look at the beliefs you spot. Negative beliefs always stems from fear.
When looking at your beliefs related to the problem, ask yourself: what do I fear the most.
In this example it may be I'm afraid to end up alone, lonely and depressed and that my dreams of creating a family never Will come true. I'm afraid That others are looking down at me because I can't find a man...
1. Choose one of your most important negative beliefs Choose one of your important negative beliefs. Maybe it's a phrase. Maybe it's more of a sensation of vulnerability or pain or something you notice in your body. Keep in mind that there can be a huge difference between your adult intellect and your emotions. Trust your body and your immediate feelings. It's easy to think away from these saved sides of yourself. Make room for them.
2. Emotionally connect with the part of yourself that has that conviction Do this by noticing in the body where you can feel either a feeling or intensity most clearly and place a hand on the spot. For example, on your chest or stomach. This step is about being with yourself and the part of you who is struggling. To back yourself up exactly as you would with a good friend. Without wanting to change anything. You are there just for yourself with a gentle touch.
3. Say supportive words to yourself Notice if there is something you need to say to yourself. It's not about questioning how you feel or trying to persuade yourself to think differently or have it differently. You can say supportive words like "I know well, it's hard", "I can understand you are having a hard time or are afraid. You've been through a lot "or" I'm here. It's ok, I'll stay here no matter what. " Notice your inner tone. You can't cheat in yourself - you have to mean it. And you can usually feel if you get in touch by experiencing emotional reactions. Maybe tears or just a sense of calm and confidence in yourself. Or you breathe a little deeper.
4. Tell the part of you who has the deep conviction what you are struggling with and ask for help.
First, tell us about your challenge - ex you want to find a man.
And then ask this deep part of yourself; "What can I do to help you so I can move on?"
Then listen and write down what's coming. It can be words, pictures, a feeling or something else.
And now you have something pointing you towards the next step. Being seen and accepted has a transforming effect. It's that simple. And yet, almost mysteriously, how not wanting to change anything can create groundbreaking change when we least expect it. A dynamic process between thought and action "And has my conviction changed, then," you might ask. It might be - many things fall into place when you just give yourself space and tranquility to listen. But often it is a process. You listen and work further and constantly have this deeper part of yourself in the process. You start acting differently, and quietly your behavior will confirm that you have changed on a deep level. Do the above when you find your beliefs appear one way or the other. Maybe it's emotions or physical sensations or thoughts. Do what it takes - several times a day - until you feel the need is no longer there and you have moved on with your core problem. It can be very difficult to put a finger on what came first. Was it your beliefs that changed and created a new behavior or is it your changed behavior that infects your beliefs? This exercise rests on the fact that the more you fight against yourself, the more resistance there will be. And the more you listen to and accept the parts of yourself that are struggling and having a hard time, the more surprised you will be at how quickly deep-seated beliefs can change.
Your beliefs do not come out of the blue air but typically come from the community you are a part of, your relationships, and from the people you surround yourself with. And especially, they form early in the relationships you have early in your life.
Especially very early experiences from before you were given any language, you may not necessarily speak words, but nevertheless they live in you as deep convictions.
Landmark events in your life can also set themselves as deep convictions.
Traumatic
events such as being abandoned, betrayed or assaulted can change your way of seeing the world, yourself and other people.
Experiences later in life can also give you negative beliefs. Maybe you are abandoned by a boyfriend you loved and you decide (subconsciously) that it is too painful and risky to love and trust someone who means something to you and you settle for a partner you are not really attatched to.
Negative beliefs are often inherited through generations. The beliefs you get from your parents and others who have influenced your upbringing are both conscious and visible (eg phrases that have been said such as "I love you, you are the most important thing in my life") and the more unconscious and unseen (e.g., in practice, you did not feel loved or important because your parents prioritized their work higher than you)
The beliefs that you have brought with you are thus both created on the basis of what others have said to you but in particular your beliefs are also created on the basis of your parents' behavior and their unconscious patterns and beliefs. It is not intentionally that we pass beliefs to our children - but again; what we cannot or will not see in ourselves, we often pass on.
How to spot your own negative beliefs:
Dealing with negative beliefs can be a bit overwhelming. After all, we all have a lot of negative beliefs, no matter who we are, so where to start? It makes sense to tackle deep beliefs one at a time and the order in which they are relevant. Often it is a bit like a yarn key. Once you get to the right end, a lot will wrap itself out. You may know what conviction is right for you, but if not, you can use the following procedure.
Start by identifying the primary issue in your life right now. Maybe you feel you have many challenges right now, but start with the most basic problem.
For example, it can be:
I want a partner but can't find one
I have anxiety
I can't control my temper With my children
I have big financial problems
I don't know what I want with my work life
It can be any problem, but look carefully at it and see if you can come up with the core problem. Write down the core issue.
I always recommend that you write when working with yourself in this way. It makes a difference when you reflect on paper, and it makes it easier for you to see your thoughts from the outside.
Then take a look at your problem and find out which beliefs prevents you from moving forward with your problem. Conscious and unconscious. Do not analyze yourself - trust what immediately appears.
You can Do this by completing the following sentences on paper several times:
"The deep conviction is ..."
"I am afraid that…."
"What I'm really scared of is ..."
change negative beliefs.
Notice that beliefs are, of course, something that you perceive as obvious and that you are convinced is true (if it is a conscious belief).
And also remember that your deepest beliefs are often revealed in your behavior. So look at your behavior. What does it reveal about your beliefs about yourself, others, and life?
For example, your problem may be that you want a partner but haven't been able to find one.
Your beliefs can be: There are no good men/women who are not already taken, I'm not pretty enough, interesting enough, smart enough etc. for someone to love me. I'm too shy - I can't figure out how to meet new people.
I'm going to end my days alone and lonely.
And maybe you can see in your behavior that certain patterns repeat themselves:
That you are only attracted to married men or men with low self-esteem or other qualities you basically do not want.
That you back out of the relationship every time you get feelings for a man or the other way around.
That you sabotage yourself by avoiding occasions where you could meet a man
Then take a closer look at the beliefs you spot. Negative beliefs always stems from fear.
When looking at your beliefs related to the problem, ask yourself: what do I fear the most.
In this example it may be I'm afraid to end up alone, lonely and depressed and that my dreams of creating a family never Will come true. I'm afraid That others are looking down at me because I can't find a man...
1. Choose one of your most important negative beliefs Choose one of your important negative beliefs. Maybe it's a phrase. Maybe it's more of a sensation of vulnerability or pain or something you notice in your body. Keep in mind that there can be a huge difference between your adult intellect and your emotions. Trust your body and your immediate feelings. It's easy to think away from these saved sides of yourself. Make room for them.
2. Emotionally connect with the part of yourself that has that conviction Do this by noticing in the body where you can feel either a feeling or intensity most clearly and place a hand on the spot. For example, on your chest or stomach. This step is about being with yourself and the part of you who is struggling. To back yourself up exactly as you would with a good friend. Without wanting to change anything. You are there just for yourself with a gentle touch.
3. Say supportive words to yourself Notice if there is something you need to say to yourself. It's not about questioning how you feel or trying to persuade yourself to think differently or have it differently. You can say supportive words like "I know well, it's hard", "I can understand you are having a hard time or are afraid. You've been through a lot "or" I'm here. It's ok, I'll stay here no matter what. " Notice your inner tone. You can't cheat in yourself - you have to mean it. And you can usually feel if you get in touch by experiencing emotional reactions. Maybe tears or just a sense of calm and confidence in yourself. Or you breathe a little deeper.
4. Tell the part of you who has the deep conviction what you are struggling with and ask for help.
First, tell us about your challenge - ex you want to find a man.
And then ask this deep part of yourself; "What can I do to help you so I can move on?"
Then listen and write down what's coming. It can be words, pictures, a feeling or something else.
And now you have something pointing you towards the next step. Being seen and accepted has a transforming effect. It's that simple. And yet, almost mysteriously, how not wanting to change anything can create groundbreaking change when we least expect it. A dynamic process between thought and action "And has my conviction changed, then," you might ask. It might be - many things fall into place when you just give yourself space and tranquility to listen. But often it is a process. You listen and work further and constantly have this deeper part of yourself in the process. You start acting differently, and quietly your behavior will confirm that you have changed on a deep level. Do the above when you find your beliefs appear one way or the other. Maybe it's emotions or physical sensations or thoughts. Do what it takes - several times a day - until you feel the need is no longer there and you have moved on with your core problem. It can be very difficult to put a finger on what came first. Was it your beliefs that changed and created a new behavior or is it your changed behavior that infects your beliefs? This exercise rests on the fact that the more you fight against yourself, the more resistance there will be. And the more you listen to and accept the parts of yourself that are struggling and having a hard time, the more surprised you will be at how quickly deep-seated beliefs can change.