Post by giselle on Jul 24, 2017 11:42:41 GMT
Hi all! I've enjoyed reading your postings, comments, etc...and am here for your feedback. I'm well versed in attachment but a bit confused about the distancing protest behavior of an AP vs the distancing of a FA.
Here a brief profiles of the men in question:
Man1: My exh- He was my white knight for a few weeks online. Pursued me fervently, and then quickly became dominating. By week 4 of a strictly online relationship, was telling me I couldn't talk to other men, accused me of lying & cheating. We met 5 months later, had sex, and he immediately accused me of being a whore. As I cried, heartbroken, he left to shower laughing. We eventually married and had children. Together 20 years. The abuse mostly subsided after about 15 years, but he became completely neglectful. I left.
Man2: Met on online. Hit it off wonderfully. Talked all night, every night for about a month. He'd been married, recently divorced too. Told me that he was mostly unfeeling, and a robot but I told him I see otherwise. A month in he abruptly ended talking to me by withdrawing one day. I knew it was because I'd offended him though. After two weeks of him not contacting me, he reached out to say we can't work but if I wanted to know why, call him. I did, we talked, he mentioned a slight, and another woman he was rescuing, and we were done-for a month. We began talking again after a month, he had a GF in another country by then, but said he still had feelings for me. He broke up with the GF, we met in person, it was magical, we dated for 5 passionate months. Within the relationship he expressed regular fear that I didn't love him, trust him, or attend to him enough. He needed constant deep, engagement even while I was working. He broke up with me the night I met his dad. We still love each other and hope to be friends one-day. I don't regret the relationship.
Man3: Met online. Stronger connection even than the above. Text me non-stop for 5 weeks, warning me from the start that his work is life but would send me pictures all day of his work, doings. Met in person after a month. Fireworks, love at first sight. He made another date for the next day. Fireworks, love again, but I noticed he hadn't kissed me. Seemed odd given the connection and attraction. He begged me to stay the night the next night, sending "thinking of you" text when I couldn't reply. I did, he was a total gentleman, cuddled me on the couch, slept in same bed (No kiss! No sex!). Next morning I woke up to key to his place and breakfast. He left for work. He told me I could have access to anything in his place, he had nothing to hide (felt odd). He told his parents about me, talked of future, etc. He also told me off exes who called him incessantly(hundreds of times), women who couldn't handle his schedule, and who thought he didn't love them. He mentioned an ex from 15 years ago who hurt him, but was perfect for him. After giving me key, I wanted to understand what he wanted in relationship. He evaded. Told me he builds walls and has trouble complimenting a woman he cares about. He left for two weeks, joking that he was leaving because we were getting so close. It was no joke. We fell deeper in love while he was gone, he told me I'm the reason he's happy to wake up, but the day before his return he began to sharply withdraw. We went on a date that he planned while he was away, but there was no kiss. He melted into me when I initiated hand holding, but only then. I spent the night, tried to kiss him, but he froze in bed. We cuddled, I left the next morning and I haven't seen him in a month. He claims exhaustion and feelings for another woman from his past. He sporadically reaches out to tell me what he's doing, but avoid conversation. I wrote him a month ago to tell him what I need in a relationship and to explain my feelings about what was happening between us. He still brings up that he is thinking about what I've written and feels bad he hasn't written me back(yet)! I told him I have no expectations, but would be happy if he did. He also continuously apologizes about being "bad" at texting and blames his schedule for it. I told him to stop apologising for his choice in prioritizing. This is a man who wouldn't pee without telling me he was on the pot (and sending a pic for proof). I love him dearly, but I'm seeing other people.
How are these men best classified? I appreciate any insight.
Here a brief profiles of the men in question:
Man1: My exh- He was my white knight for a few weeks online. Pursued me fervently, and then quickly became dominating. By week 4 of a strictly online relationship, was telling me I couldn't talk to other men, accused me of lying & cheating. We met 5 months later, had sex, and he immediately accused me of being a whore. As I cried, heartbroken, he left to shower laughing. We eventually married and had children. Together 20 years. The abuse mostly subsided after about 15 years, but he became completely neglectful. I left.
Man2: Met on online. Hit it off wonderfully. Talked all night, every night for about a month. He'd been married, recently divorced too. Told me that he was mostly unfeeling, and a robot but I told him I see otherwise. A month in he abruptly ended talking to me by withdrawing one day. I knew it was because I'd offended him though. After two weeks of him not contacting me, he reached out to say we can't work but if I wanted to know why, call him. I did, we talked, he mentioned a slight, and another woman he was rescuing, and we were done-for a month. We began talking again after a month, he had a GF in another country by then, but said he still had feelings for me. He broke up with the GF, we met in person, it was magical, we dated for 5 passionate months. Within the relationship he expressed regular fear that I didn't love him, trust him, or attend to him enough. He needed constant deep, engagement even while I was working. He broke up with me the night I met his dad. We still love each other and hope to be friends one-day. I don't regret the relationship.
Man3: Met online. Stronger connection even than the above. Text me non-stop for 5 weeks, warning me from the start that his work is life but would send me pictures all day of his work, doings. Met in person after a month. Fireworks, love at first sight. He made another date for the next day. Fireworks, love again, but I noticed he hadn't kissed me. Seemed odd given the connection and attraction. He begged me to stay the night the next night, sending "thinking of you" text when I couldn't reply. I did, he was a total gentleman, cuddled me on the couch, slept in same bed (No kiss! No sex!). Next morning I woke up to key to his place and breakfast. He left for work. He told me I could have access to anything in his place, he had nothing to hide (felt odd). He told his parents about me, talked of future, etc. He also told me off exes who called him incessantly(hundreds of times), women who couldn't handle his schedule, and who thought he didn't love them. He mentioned an ex from 15 years ago who hurt him, but was perfect for him. After giving me key, I wanted to understand what he wanted in relationship. He evaded. Told me he builds walls and has trouble complimenting a woman he cares about. He left for two weeks, joking that he was leaving because we were getting so close. It was no joke. We fell deeper in love while he was gone, he told me I'm the reason he's happy to wake up, but the day before his return he began to sharply withdraw. We went on a date that he planned while he was away, but there was no kiss. He melted into me when I initiated hand holding, but only then. I spent the night, tried to kiss him, but he froze in bed. We cuddled, I left the next morning and I haven't seen him in a month. He claims exhaustion and feelings for another woman from his past. He sporadically reaches out to tell me what he's doing, but avoid conversation. I wrote him a month ago to tell him what I need in a relationship and to explain my feelings about what was happening between us. He still brings up that he is thinking about what I've written and feels bad he hasn't written me back(yet)! I told him I have no expectations, but would be happy if he did. He also continuously apologizes about being "bad" at texting and blames his schedule for it. I told him to stop apologising for his choice in prioritizing. This is a man who wouldn't pee without telling me he was on the pot (and sending a pic for proof). I love him dearly, but I'm seeing other people.
How are these men best classified? I appreciate any insight.