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Post by tnr9 on Nov 7, 2019 13:31:50 GMT
In my therapy, one thing we have noticed is when I talk about B, I clench my left hand, which I have discovered is a resistance to letting him go. There is so much that I have tied consciously and unconsciously to him. Instead of trying to force the hand to open, she wants me to talk about the resistance and be gentle with it.
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Post by faithopelove on Nov 7, 2019 15:40:17 GMT
Yes, I get that. I think when we want to let go we are able to let go. In the past, I have gotten over relationships by going no contact and every time a thought or memory of them came to mind I broke the thought by chanting “delete, delete” in my head. That would instantly stop the ruminating. Although it took effort, It would get easier to move on each day and within a few months I’d be ok and not missing them. With my DA now? I admittedly don’t want to let go, even though he’s frozen. We have to be ready to let go for it to work.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2019 17:32:26 GMT
I'm really rooting for you in this process tnr9. Right there with you, listening to the body talk. It's a lot to feel! Your therapist seems good. |
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Post by tnr9 on Nov 7, 2019 21:42:33 GMT
I'm really rooting for you in this process tnr9 . Right there with you, listening to the body talk. It's a lot to feel! Your therapist seems good. Thank you....it is so odd...throughout the day I have noticed my left hand clenching. Earlier today I had a brief cry and I wrote down the following....why must every good thing be taken away from me. I will explore that next week in my session. We have been using grounding and breathing when I feel tightness in my jaw and throat...and that seems to help unlock some of the root issues. |
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Post by Deleted on Nov 7, 2019 22:07:22 GMT
I'm really rooting for you in this process tnr9 . Right there with you, listening to the body talk. It's a lot to feel! Your therapist seems good. Thank you....it is so odd...throughout the day I have noticed my left hand clenching. Earlier today I had a brief cry and I wrote down the following....why must every good thing be taken away from me. I will explore that next week in my session. We have been using grounding and breathing when I feel tightness in my jaw and throat...and that seems to help unlock some of the root issues. I'm so excited for you. I collect things that I notice to work on in session too. I'm making big strides but it's really a lot emotionally. I have to take it slower. But it's really awesome. |
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Post by dhali on Nov 7, 2019 22:52:38 GMT
tnr9- You seem to have the most trouble letting go/moving on on the AP forum. I get that therapy helps. I personally think books do as well. I'd like to recommend reading "Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality"
It might be helpful to get you across the line. It's not a long book, but it takes time because you have to internalize what is begin written. It helps you internalize the notion of - people do hurtful things because of themselves, not because of you. I know you know that, but this book exposes it in a unique way. Just a thought.
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Post by serenity on Nov 7, 2019 23:08:40 GMT
A video I was watching last night about trauma, suggested that it can help to recognise that its not a person you are struggling to let go, but rather feelings you are struggling to face. Abandonment. rejection, Terror. She recommended naming the feelings. Exploring their origin (which I know most of us already do). And sitting with the feeling.
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Post by tnr9 on Nov 9, 2019 14:43:39 GMT
We are still exploring why I don’t want to let him go...but a big discovery is around choice...I chose him.....he did not choose me....lots of work around that.
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Post by stu on Nov 11, 2019 13:36:43 GMT
It might help to not judge the thoughts and feelings and just allow yourself to feel everything fully, without doing anything whatsoever about it.
It took me quite a while to get over my most recent avoidant ex, who I didn't even know was an ex until she decided after deactivating to see some new guys without ever ending things with me or having a conversation with me at all.
I saw her a couple days ago and bump into her at least once a week. And everytime I did I would have all those feelings you would expect bumping into someone you still have feelings for but are no longer seeing.
But after processing everything and feeling everything fully, not trying to for opinions about any of my thoughts and feelings surrounding it. Just using awareness to help hold space for everything to be felt. Eventually it all went away and I felt loving and warm about her without any sense of longing or needing romantic attachment or anything from her.
I saw her a couple days ago at a friend's house , and keep in mind this girl screwed me over pretty hard in how she treated me and chose to end things. But I just saw her as she was in the moment and felt loving and caring without anything else attached, just a sense of joy and well being. Where as she was completely rigid and flooded with anxiety being near me most the night until she started warming up herself and then started talking to me normally.
So in my experience I found mindfulness to be extremely helpful and it helped to drop my anger and resentments , as well as gain perspective and growth from these experiences instead of feeling like I just wasted over a year of my life for no reason. I think once you work through this more you'll have similar growth. Whereas some people like the girl I was dating or your ex are still caught in their patterns and will never change until they gain a lot of self awareness and want to work on themselves. I think you're going to do great!
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Post by number9 on Nov 11, 2019 20:30:51 GMT
tnr9- You seem to have the most trouble letting go/moving on on the AP forum. I get that therapy helps. I personally think books do as well. I'd like to recommend reading "Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality" It might be helpful to get you across the line. It's not a long book, but it takes time because you have to internalize what is begin written. It helps you internalize the notion of - people do hurtful things because of themselves, not because of you. I know you know that, but this book exposes it in a unique way. Just a thought. Hmmmm now I'm very curious to check out this book by De Mello. Thanks! |
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