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Nov 8, 2019 20:44:26 GMT
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Post by faithopelove on Nov 8, 2019 20:44:26 GMT
The black bits. The writing. Not the stuff that isn’t written down, not the extrapolations that aren’t there. Just the writing on the page. - Gotcha, never heard that expression before Lol |
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jules
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Posts: 142
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Post by jules on Nov 8, 2019 20:45:26 GMT
The black bits. The writing. Not the stuff that isn’t written down, not the extrapolations that aren’t there. Just the writing on the page. Aha, thank you. Yes! I'd be a fool to not take his very clear words to heart. Hes telling me with precision how he feels and what he thinks. It's a gift in many ways. |
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Post by serenity on Nov 8, 2019 21:20:24 GMT
On the other hand actions speak louder, lol. Avoidants are notorious for their `cognitive distortions' that are all about denying their dependence on others. ``I only want to be friends and absolutely don't need anyone, ever, but I'm passionately into you, have been for over a year, want you as my lover, and don't want to lose you. And its not a relationship although we relate intimately and have sex'
You can see it clearly as a partner, but what it amounts to is extreme selfishness, avoiding dealing with conflicts (that they cause), and everything being about their needs only because `its not a relationship'.
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Post by alexandra on Nov 8, 2019 21:47:44 GMT
I used to think actions speak louder, but I don't anymore. All that actually should be heard is the incongruence. If it's present, whether on the action side or on the word side, that in itself is all you need to know.
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Post by stu on Nov 9, 2019 0:30:48 GMT
I used to think actions speak louder, but I don't anymore. All that actually should be heard is the incongruence. If it's present, whether on the action side or on the word side, that in itself is all you need to know. Agreed it's not about filtering out the truth from non truth. If they say one thing and do another and to the degree with sitautions like this. It just shows a lack of stability and consistency as a person and should filter that person out as a serious romantic prospect. It's too unhealthy to have to deal with. You are literally putting yourself into toxic push pull dynamic by going along with it or trying to tolerate it. And eventually it will just wear your emotions down more and more. Until you are burnt out and have a hard time letting go of that intermminent reinforcement of affection. |
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Nov 9, 2019 2:37:10 GMT
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Post by faithopelove on Nov 9, 2019 2:37:10 GMT
Oddly he has been very chatty since and has continued to text each day since (sunday) We have not discussed it any further and honestly there is nothing left to discuss. Is there? I have been chatting simultaneously with the other man I was supposed to go out with two weeks ago. He too fell ill. And without even having met him, and in two weeks 3 weeks time we have talked about far more in depth things in a relational way. Hes a mush. He's *not emotionally unavailable. And hes a far better candidate for my heart. Not to say that hes got it. Hardly, I just can see a night and day difference between these two. He is more so like, um all the other secures ove affiliated with. Who knows?It may very well crash and burn but it has restored some faith in someday finding someone who wants a thing. Is *capable of a thing. I will likely remain friends with the FA but I cannot continue to put apples in that basket. I think hes truly conflicted as indicated by his sheer panic when I did not respond to his diatribe Showing up. Texting every day (although we always had regular contact, hes not as far on the spectrum as some of the FAs I read about here) I know the research says he wants a relationship but fear and discomfort from dysregulation makes him uneasy. Not his fault. But I want more. It has really made me very AP to be with him. I test so with regard to him and as stated a bit avoidant with regard to my mother, secure otherwise. He landed me square in the middle of that anxious box. I am uncomfortable there. I imagine that feeling is not entirely different than how he may feel uncomfortable, perhaps not in the same way, but uncomfy none the less. It's not healthy for me. I don't like it and I have been battling letting him go for months now. Like what in the actual fuck am I even thinking? This is not like me. I guess because for all intents he is otherwise delightful in so many facets (dating, of which I do a lot, is not brought me men of this caliber to be honest in the last 2 years) He is very bright and witty and tremendously patient and seemingly solid. I admire his poise and gentleness. He actually smoothes me out live and in person. It's the leaving me home Saturday night after Saturday night alone that irks me. I know what I want and hat I need as a grown woman and hes clearly not it. And he makes it CRYSTAL clear. And it's not at all me, it's entirely him. I'm not perfect by any means but I am a pretty darn good catch, sober. Lol. I have my quirks and I can be a happy go lucky idiot, but I am really very comfortable with me and am very happy for all intents. This was eroding my happiness. Who the heck knows what will happen? But it's safe to say *this is not happening*. Hes not changing anytime soon. And I dont have time to kill. I want my person. I want to do the stuff people do togethet, love and grow, organically. Eventually co habitate. No more marriage tho. Lol. Good there! I cant imagine a more succinct text to exemplify the sentiments of an FA than what he sent me. I really hope it helps someone here. Thanks for reading! Sorry I have been MIA. Hope everyone is really good! xx Jules This is what they do, he's clearly cycling anxious to avoidant. In his anxious side, he wouldn't say the things he said otherwise, it reeks of anxiety when you went dismissive on him. The chatty thing is exactly what my ex does. Like DAILY multiple texts, and then 3 days without nothing haha, it's actually funny to watch. As an example between two secure attached busy individuals, my just ex. from the past year, the start of our relationship, was literally one text a week, me setting a date and place to catch up, nothing more until the actual catchup. For the first 2-3 weeks, then slowly 2 days a week, and the odd intermittent text, to the 3 month mark where we were seeing each other around 4 times a week in person, after that, nearly everyday in the afternoon after work and sleep overs most nights (we gave each other random weekends, whenever the person felt like it, time to just be by themselves and catch up with friends for drinks, ZERO texting and anxiety, pure secure behaviour, I actually was glad she was like that, people neeed space from time to time, just not 2 months off and only texts once per week with no emotions/feelings displayed like an FA). We still did not text each other during the day usually unless it had significant pertinence (or my random texts telling her positive affirmations - once a month as a suprise), she and I are managers. Cut to my FA ex. prior to her and who I am talking too again. I'm talking 5-20 texts per day from the getgo, and expressing how much she liked me, literal A-P type behaviour, only seen her once a week or fortnight at any time in person due to working around her kids. After 3 month mark out of nowhere she called it off for no reason really claiming "not feeling it due to health issues", which she did have, but in all normal circumstances you do not throw away a person when you're struggling with health, I would want a lover around for support. She also at that time, has admitted pushing her entire family away, and has apologised for the behaviour, and now wants "to be kept". It's quite a turnaround in 12-15 months! The week after the breakup, she said "I miss you, I'm just being honest!" and then when I said "I want you to work on yourself as you told me, and I'll be happy to catch up with you in future when you feel like it!", she said "I was just saying I miss you, I don't want anything!" haha, was the most insane statement. So it is exactly like your guy, they want connection, I knew she liked me, I know she still does, we have insane chemistry, the most insane chemistry I've ever felt in my life. But if they can't emotionally regulate as you say, remotely try too and work on it within the relationship after you offer support, there is no use. I think you are doing the right thing, keep him as a friend, date other people, it's good you accept his limitations at the moment, and you never know, he may get triggered in the right way, due to loss or whatever reason and have an awakening, and be back and want to work on stuff! Always think positive  @dualcitizen - I’m not so sure that’s typical AP behavior of your ex to text you in the beginning of your relationship 5-20 times a day. I’m AP but I’m not triggered AP until 4-6 months into a serious relationship when I’m attached and feel I have something special to lose. Around the same time an avoidant would be triggered with too much intimacy- causing them to need space. In the beginning I always let the guy pursue me- I feel more comfortable not pursuing and I’m reluctant to date most people. My DA was the one pursuing me and texting, setting up dates- asking me be exclusive, asking me to spend every kid free weekend at his place. Not at all typical of a shut down dismissive. The beginning stages of a relationship are EXTREMELY misleading and not at all a good indicator of one’s attachment style. Time is the best test. Attachment aside- maybe your ex FA was insecure in general, in relationships and friendships, with low self-esteem and attention seeking tendencies. You don’t have to be AP to want to be the center of attention. Not all people who seek attention and send several texts are AP. I’m wondering too what’s “funny to watch” when she’s chatty and then 3 days of nothing? Could it be in those three days she’s trying to give you space and she senses maybe you aren’t reciprocating so much? I would think if someone I liked was texting too much and then intentionally pulled back, I’d be glad they made the effort to text less. The alternative is they continue to text every day. I just don’t see the humor. Sounds insensitive to me. Any partner attempting to make a positive change should be appreciated - if the efforts are expected to be continued. |
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Update
Nov 9, 2019 3:46:02 GMT
Post by Dualcitizen on Nov 9, 2019 3:46:02 GMT
This is what they do, he's clearly cycling anxious to avoidant. In his anxious side, he wouldn't say the things he said otherwise, it reeks of anxiety when you went dismissive on him. The chatty thing is exactly what my ex does. Like DAILY multiple texts, and then 3 days without nothing haha, it's actually funny to watch. As an example between two secure attached busy individuals, my just ex. from the past year, the start of our relationship, was literally one text a week, me setting a date and place to catch up, nothing more until the actual catchup. For the first 2-3 weeks, then slowly 2 days a week, and the odd intermittent text, to the 3 month mark where we were seeing each other around 4 times a week in person, after that, nearly everyday in the afternoon after work and sleep overs most nights (we gave each other random weekends, whenever the person felt like it, time to just be by themselves and catch up with friends for drinks, ZERO texting and anxiety, pure secure behaviour, I actually was glad she was like that, people neeed space from time to time, just not 2 months off and only texts once per week with no emotions/feelings displayed like an FA). We still did not text each other during the day usually unless it had significant pertinence (or my random texts telling her positive affirmations - once a month as a suprise), she and I are managers. Cut to my FA ex. prior to her and who I am talking too again. I'm talking 5-20 texts per day from the getgo, and expressing how much she liked me, literal A-P type behaviour, only seen her once a week or fortnight at any time in person due to working around her kids. After 3 month mark out of nowhere she called it off for no reason really claiming "not feeling it due to health issues", which she did have, but in all normal circumstances you do not throw away a person when you're struggling with health, I would want a lover around for support. She also at that time, has admitted pushing her entire family away, and has apologised for the behaviour, and now wants "to be kept". It's quite a turnaround in 12-15 months! The week after the breakup, she said "I miss you, I'm just being honest!" and then when I said "I want you to work on yourself as you told me, and I'll be happy to catch up with you in future when you feel like it!", she said "I was just saying I miss you, I don't want anything!" haha, was the most insane statement. So it is exactly like your guy, they want connection, I knew she liked me, I know she still does, we have insane chemistry, the most insane chemistry I've ever felt in my life. But if they can't emotionally regulate as you say, remotely try too and work on it within the relationship after you offer support, there is no use. I think you are doing the right thing, keep him as a friend, date other people, it's good you accept his limitations at the moment, and you never know, he may get triggered in the right way, due to loss or whatever reason and have an awakening, and be back and want to work on stuff! Always think positive @dualcitizen - I’m not so sure that’s typical AP behavior of your ex to text you in the beginning of your relationship 5-20 times a day. I’m AP but I’m not triggered AP until 4-6 months into a serious relationship when I’m attached and feel I have something special to lose. Around the same time an avoidant would be triggered with too much intimacy- causing them to need space. In the beginning I always let the guy pursue me- I feel more comfortable not pursuing and I’m reluctant to date most people. My DA was the one pursuing me and texting, setting up dates- asking me be exclusive, asking me to spend every kid free weekend at his place. Not at all typical of a shut down dismissive. The beginning stages of a relationship are EXTREMELY misleading and not at all a good indicator of one’s attachment style. Time is the best test. Attachment aside- maybe your ex FA was insecure in general, in relationships and friendships, with low self-esteem and attention seeking tendencies. You don’t have to be AP to want to be the center of attention. Not all people who seek attention and send several texts are AP. I’m wondering too what’s “funny to watch” when she’s chatty and then 3 days of nothing? Could it be in those three days she’s trying to give you space and she senses maybe you aren’t reciprocating so much? I would think if someone I liked was texting too much and then intentionally pulled back, I’d be glad they made the effort to text less. The alternative is they continue to text every day. I just don’t see the humor. Sounds insensitive to me. Any partner attempting to make a positive change should be appreciated - if the efforts are expected to be continued. Messages and texts can be taken to be insensitive. Believe you me, I couldn't be any kinder. I can just see the side of this where you just go "yep that's the pattern", that's all i'm trying to say. The low self esteem and negative self talk was insurmountable by myself and I am an extremely positive person, always give people the benefit of the doubt, no matter the behaviour. But texting that much for validation would point towards attachment anxiety to me? Points noted appreciate it |
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Nov 9, 2019 4:29:12 GMT
Post by happyidiot on Nov 9, 2019 4:29:12 GMT
@dualcitizen You have a judgmental tone for a self-proclaimed secure person. "Reeks of anxiety"? "Funny to watch"? faithopelove Why is sending 5-20 texts a day to someone they are dating excessive and attention-seeking? That's pretty normal for most people I know, including healthy happy secure people. I even have some friends in good relationships who have been together for years who still text each other with nearly that level of frequency. Maybe as opposed to it being a sign of anything in particular it's just a matter of texting preferences? @dualcitizen never said he wasn't reciprocating. It's only odd or unusual to text that much if it's not reciprocated. Did I miss something? Was it not going both ways? I could have a back and forth 20 text conversation with someone in 20 minutes, when you're talking via text like a conversation it's easy to do. I just checked and my best friend and I texted each other over 20 times each today. I'm certainly not triggered AP with her, nor am I trying to be the center of attention. I can definitely text someone I'm dating 5-20 times in one day even when I'm feeling at my most secure. Especially at the beginning when you're getting to know each other. People on average send and receive 94 texts per day in the US. 5-20 texts per day between romantic partners is considered normal from what I've read. The way texting affects relationships has to do with many factors besides frequency. There is nothing inherently bad about texting that often, nor is it in and of itself evidence of attachment issues. Yes, I agree it's interesting if someone usually texts every single day and then suddenly goes a few days without texting. Over-correcting for texting "too much" is one theory, being a deactivating FA is another, and there are others still. @dualcitizen I assume you weren't texting her during that time either? Or were you but your texts were ignored? |
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Update
Nov 9, 2019 6:44:26 GMT
via mobile
Post by faithopelove on Nov 9, 2019 6:44:26 GMT
@dualcitizen You have a judgmental tone for a self-proclaimed secure person. "Reeks of anxiety"? "Funny to watch"? faithopelove Why is sending 5-20 texts a day to someone they are dating excessive and attention-seeking? That's pretty normal for most people I know, including healthy happy secure people. I even have some friends in good relationships who have been together for years who still text each other with nearly that level of frequency. Maybe as opposed to it being a sign of anything in particular it's just a matter of texting preferences? @dualcitizen never said he wasn't reciprocating. It's only odd or unusual to text that much if it's not reciprocated. Did I miss something? Was it not going both ways? I could have a back and forth 20 text conversation with someone in 20 minutes, when you're talking via text like a conversation it's easy to do. I just checked and my best friend and I texted each other over 20 times each today. I'm certainly not triggered AP with her, nor am I trying to be the center of attention. I can definitely text someone I'm dating 5-20 times in one day even when I'm feeling at my most secure. Especially at the beginning when you're getting to know each other. People on average send and receive 94 texts per day in the US. 5-20 texts per day between romantic partners is considered normal from what I've read. The way texting affects relationships has to do with many factors besides frequency. There is nothing inherently bad about texting that often, nor is it in and of itself evidence of attachment issues. Yes, I agree it's interesting if someone usually texts every single day and then suddenly goes a few days without texting. Over-correcting for texting "too much" is one theory, being a deactivating FA is another, and there are others still. @dualcitizen I assume you weren't texting her during that time either? Or were you but your texts were ignored? - You’re asking the wrong person. I’m also from the US and I have no idea why dualcitizen said that 5-20 texts a day is excessive but the texts were obviously excessive to him so I thought he possibly was not answering the texts or being very short, which is why I said the partner could be attention seeking and not necessarily AP. My comments were all based on dualcitizenship’s description of his ex FA being excessive. I agree w you- it’s perfectly reasonable if you’re in a relationship with someone, dating or good friends to text 5+ texts a day....I think less or more is also normal depending on the person and their preferences. That wasn’t my point. Texting aside, I was quoting and questioning dual about his comments about his FA and how texting doesn’t make one AP. |
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Nov 9, 2019 10:17:43 GMT
Post by Dualcitizen on Nov 9, 2019 10:17:43 GMT
@dualcitizen You have a judgmental tone for a self-proclaimed secure person. "Reeks of anxiety"? "Funny to watch"? faithopelove Why is sending 5-20 texts a day to someone they are dating excessive and attention-seeking? That's pretty normal for most people I know, including healthy happy secure people. I even have some friends in good relationships who have been together for years who still text each other with nearly that level of frequency. Maybe as opposed to it being a sign of anything in particular it's just a matter of texting preferences? @dualcitizen never said he wasn't reciprocating. It's only odd or unusual to text that much if it's not reciprocated. Did I miss something? Was it not going both ways? I could have a back and forth 20 text conversation with someone in 20 minutes, when you're talking via text like a conversation it's easy to do. I just checked and my best friend and I texted each other over 20 times each today. I'm certainly not triggered AP with her, nor am I trying to be the center of attention. I can definitely text someone I'm dating 5-20 times in one day even when I'm feeling at my most secure. Especially at the beginning when you're getting to know each other. People on average send and receive 94 texts per day in the US. 5-20 texts per day between romantic partners is considered normal from what I've read. The way texting affects relationships has to do with many factors besides frequency. There is nothing inherently bad about texting that often, nor is it in and of itself evidence of attachment issues. Yes, I agree it's interesting if someone usually texts every single day and then suddenly goes a few days without texting. Over-correcting for texting "too much" is one theory, being a deactivating FA is another, and there are others still. @dualcitizen I assume you weren't texting her during that time either? Or were you but your texts were ignored? I can be quite direct . I'm telling it how it is basically. The guy is clearly in his "anxiety" side. You simply don't text like that, and then flip, and then try to hook up, shows emotional instability doesn't it? I'm not trying to be rude, but sadly I am direct sometimes, which over the net may be mistaken  . Believe me, I'm here to learn, have been learning, appreciate the commentary and thoughts. I myself touched by an F-A in my life. I am always trying to be as mindful as possible, but i'm only human myself, never said I was perfect . We all make mistakes in life, and we can all do better and understand other people, and try and make a difference. Thankfully I've reconnected with mine and it's going well as friends, i'll be there to support her anyway she allows. And yeah to me anything over I would say 5 texts a day, in the initial stages of a relationship, is quite excessive. The real issue with that is burnout, without actually spending quality time with the person in person, just my experience personally. I have literally had it done to me, and you know everything that has been happening via text and literally have nothing to talk about on your initial dates! It can be disastrous tbh. I just prefer meeting in person, not spam texting. Funnily enough I have seen this brought up by the "dating experts" online as well. maybe I have wrongfully "assumed" it could be linked to a bit of A-P type behaviour, for that I probably should retract my statement. |
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Post by stu on Nov 9, 2019 13:04:45 GMT
@dualcitizen You have a judgmental tone for a self-proclaimed secure person. "Reeks of anxiety"? "Funny to watch"? faithopelove Why is sending 5-20 texts a day to someone they are dating excessive and attention-seeking? That's pretty normal for most people I know, including healthy happy secure people. I even have some friends in good relationships who have been together for years who still text each other with nearly that level of frequency. Maybe as opposed to it being a sign of anything in particular it's just a matter of texting preferences? @dualcitizen never said he wasn't reciprocating. It's only odd or unusual to text that much if it's not reciprocated. Did I miss something? Was it not going both ways? I could have a back and forth 20 text conversation with someone in 20 minutes, when you're talking via text like a conversation it's easy to do. I just checked and my best friend and I texted each other over 20 times each today. I'm certainly not triggered AP with her, nor am I trying to be the center of attention. I can definitely text someone I'm dating 5-20 times in one day even when I'm feeling at my most secure. Especially at the beginning when you're getting to know each other. People on average send and receive 94 texts per day in the US. 5-20 texts per day between romantic partners is considered normal from what I've read. The way texting affects relationships has to do with many factors besides frequency. There is nothing inherently bad about texting that often, nor is it in and of itself evidence of attachment issues. Yes, I agree it's interesting if someone usually texts every single day and then suddenly goes a few days without texting. Over-correcting for texting "too much" is one theory, being a deactivating FA is another, and there are others still. @dualcitizen I assume you weren't texting her during that time either? Or were you but your texts were ignored? I can be quite direct . I'm telling it how it is basically. The guy is clearly in his "anxiety" side. You simply don't text like that, and then flip, and then try to hook up, shows emotional instability doesn't it? I'm not trying to be rude, but sadly I am direct sometimes, which over the net may be mistaken . Believe me, I'm here to learn, have been learning, appreciate the commentary and thoughts. I myself touched by an F-A in my life. I am always trying to be as mindful as possible, but i'm only human myself, never said I was perfect . We all make mistakes in life, and we can all do better and understand other people, and try and make a difference. Thankfully I've reconnected with mine and it's going well as friends, i'll be there to support her anyway she allows. And yeah to me anything over I would say 5 texts a day, in the initial stages of a relationship, is quite excessive. The real issue with that is burnout, without actually spending quality time with the person in person, just my experience personally. I have literally had it done to me, and you know everything that has been happening via text and literally have nothing to talk about on your initial dates! It can be disastrous tbh. I just prefer meeting in person, not spam texting. Funnily enough I have seen this brought up by the "dating experts" online as well. maybe I have wrongfully "assumed" it could be linked to a bit of A-P type behaviour, for that I probably should retract my statement. Personally i like to text as little as possible and keep it mainly for logistics. But some girls I date like to text more and send me pics and stuff about their day, so I will engage it more but never to the point I feel overwhelmed. Because it's not expected you respond right away to every text. Or you keep conversation going indefinitely either. You guys mentioned texting habits relating to attachment and other things. I find part of texting habits is mainly a personality thing and also the age of the person and comfortability with technology. |
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Update
Nov 10, 2019 7:44:00 GMT
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Post by mrob on Nov 10, 2019 7:44:00 GMT
Personally i like to text as little as possible and keep it mainly for logistics. But some girls I date like to text more and send me pics and stuff about their day, so I will engage it more but never to the point I feel overwhelmed. Because it's not expected you respond right away to every text. Or you keep conversation going indefinitely either. You guys mentioned texting habits relating to attachment and other things. I find part of texting habits is mainly a personality thing and also the age of the person and comfortability with technology. Not my experience, and a topic that has been discussed before here many, many times. |
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Update
Nov 26, 2019 17:48:50 GMT
Post by annieb on Nov 26, 2019 17:48:50 GMT
It's all about that dopamine. We need it. I can't understand if securely attached people have that constant flow of dopamine or is it that they can withstand the lack of it better? That the lack of dopamine doesn't knock them out. I don't know what it is. But sometimes I can't even speak without my dopamine. I hope that you drop this guy, he is no friend of yours, because friends don't toy with their friend's hearts. They watch out for each other. And that one day you find someone calm and even keeled, who will simply enjoy being with you just because.
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Nov 26, 2019 23:00:40 GMT
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Post by alexandra on Nov 26, 2019 23:00:40 GMT
It's all about that dopamine. We need it. I can't understand if securely attached people have that constant flow of dopamine or is it that they can withstand the lack of it better? That the lack of dopamine doesn't knock them out. I don't think it's this simple, but it's a good question. Are there correlations with attachment and hormones etc.? I assume yes since there are genetic tendencies. I found this paper and am going to see if it's useful: www.researchgate.net/publication/23156683_Genetic_Correlates_of_Adult_Attachment_StyleSo far the abstract says, "They find that (a) anxious attachment is associated with a polymorphism of the DRD2 dopamine receptor gene, (b) avoidant attachment is associated with a polymorphism of the 5HT2A serotonin receptor gene, and (c) the rs53576 A polymorphism of the OXTR oxytocin receptor gene is not associated with attachment insecurities." I also wonder if anyone has tested insecure attachment against vasopressin yet, and if people who can't get past fantasy bonding (and are basically addicted to honeymoon periods, then believe they lose interest) have lower levels of it. That's the hormone that supposedly creates long-term partner bonding in voles, a relatively recent finding. |
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Nov 27, 2019 0:05:36 GMT
Post by annieb on Nov 27, 2019 0:05:36 GMT
It's all about that dopamine. We need it. I can't understand if securely attached people have that constant flow of dopamine or is it that they can withstand the lack of it better? That the lack of dopamine doesn't knock them out. I don't know what it is. But sometimes I can't even speak without my dopamine. I hope that you drop this guy, he is no friend of yours, because friends don't toy with their friend's hearts. They watch out for each other. And that one day you find someone calm and even keeled, who will simply enjoy being with you just because. I think what we need more often is serotonin. Yeah, all the feel happy chemicals. I'm trying to imagine what a securely attached person feels like on a daily, and I am assuming they are better at self soothing and they believe they deserve love and that there is love out there for them. Those are all very calming self soothing thoughts. Sometimes, if I am having a really good day, and I have exercised, etc, I can access those feelings, too. Sometimes I catch myself being very harsh towards myself, and I would think that a secure person ust wouldn't naturally have these self abusive thoughts and behaviors at all. |
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. Believe me, I'm here to learn, have been learning, appreciate the commentary and thoughts. I myself touched by an F-A in my life. I am always trying to be as mindful as possible, but i'm only human myself, never said I was perfect