addict
Junior Member
Posts: 56
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Post by addict on Nov 12, 2019 11:47:32 GMT
Hi, long time lurker here! Can anyone explain the difference between emotionally unavailable and avoidant? Are they the same thing?
thanks in advance ...
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Post by happyidiot on Nov 12, 2019 15:56:27 GMT
Hi addictHaving an avoidant attachment style is only one possible cause of emotional unavailability. There exist both temporary and chronic emotionally unavailability. Some people have always been pretty unavailable due to things that happened in their childhood which made them avoidant. Other people may just be temporarily prioritizing something else above a relationship, such as work/education, a sick relative, their own health, etc, or they may be unavailable after a recent breakup/divorce or the death of their spouse. A person of any attachment style can be emotionally unavailable. |
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addict
Junior Member
Posts: 56
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Post by addict on Nov 12, 2019 16:36:14 GMT
Hi addict Having an avoidant attachment style is only one possible cause of emotional unavailability. There exist both temporary and chronic emotionally unavailability. Some people have always been pretty unavailable due to things that happened in their childhood which made them avoidant. Other people may just be temporarily prioritizing something else above a relationship, such as work/education, a sick relative, their own health, etc, or they may be unavailable after a recent breakup/divorce or the death of their spouse. A person of any attachment style can be emotionally unavailable. Thank you... Ive been reading different books , Nat Lue MR unavailable and the fall back girl and also men who can't love and he's scared she's scared... Very interesting reading, I haven't really concluded which category I fall in to and also a very unavailable man I've been dealing with. I was hoping I could understand it better... I'm pretty sure I'm AP and he's DA...it's all rather a mess! |
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Post by alexandra on Nov 12, 2019 18:51:31 GMT
All insecure styles are emotionally unavailable due to a lack of ability to be truly vulnerable and not having a healthy balance of trust of both self and others. This ability and balance can be worked through and created, but it has to be a deliberate growth and healing process. That doesn't necessarily mean it has to be done within the attachment framework and jargon, though I personally found it most helpful for me. Try taking a quick assessment. It's likely you're in the classic anxious-avoidant trap, but these links are helpful in getting some starting point insight into your half: www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pldianepooleheller.com/attachment-test/ |
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addict
Junior Member
Posts: 56
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Post by addict on Nov 12, 2019 19:28:17 GMT
All insecure styles are emotionally unavailable due to a lack of ability to be truly vulnerable and not having a healthy balance of trust of both self and others. This ability and balance can be worked through and created, but it has to be a deliberate growth and healing process. That doesn't necessarily mean it has to be done within the attachment framework and jargon, though I personally found it most helpful for me. Try taking a quick assessment. It's likely you're in the classic anxious-avoidant trap, but these links are helpful in getting some starting point insight into your half: www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pldianepooleheller.com/attachment-test/Thank you so much, I did both tests and I'm definitely anxious preoccupied. Strangely though I answered with one person in mind. I know if I had answered on a previous relationship I would have answered completely differently... I will read more about my attachment style... I pretty much knew as I show all the AP signs when he pulls away or ignores me... Thanks again |
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