Post by satori on Aug 3, 2017 17:20:33 GMT
I ended a six half year long relationship with my DA back in mid-May. When we dated I had no idea what attachment theory was but knew that our relationship was dysfunctional because she was so emotionally and verbally abusive to me and we had this constant push and pull between us. My fault was that I equated her abuse as love. Early on I knew that there was something lacking in her but looked the other way whenever she was triggered. After our breakup I finally had a chance to reflect on our relationship and learned about attachment theory and the DA style. Suddenly, it all it all made sense to me on how and why it played itself out the way it did.
I have a secure attachment style and at the end I just couldn’t take it anymore because she treated me with such utter disrespect. She truly lacks the emotional maturity to be in a healthy relationship. I wish her well. I do recognize my part in our relationship and how my anxieties that had been triggered and played themselves out. I have done a lot of emotional discovery and hard work regarding my traumatic childhood attachment injuries since I started dating her because I was so anxious about our relationship and our behavior towards one another.
None the less, one of the biggest questions that I have is that when my DA said that she loved me, did she really mean it? I know that this is loaded question. I know there is a spectrum for each of the attachment styles and varieties. In regards to my DA, she is exhibits strong DA traits layered with some narcissistic tendencies. Over the last six and half years, she may had said “I love you” only 3-4 times by herself without me saying it first. The times when I said that I loved her, she would reply back but in a low discernable voice that you can barely hear or would not look me into my eyes or not say anything at all. She has sent lots of text messages saying “I love you” or sent beautiful cards mentioning in the cards that she loves me. I feel that there were moments when I felt she loved me but now that I’m questioning it if it was indeed sincere. I know that I may end up being too cynical about what how she felt towards me because the way she treated me. But I’d like to believe that she did love me in her own ways or else she would not have spent six and half year with me.
Does anybody have some thoughts on this? I appreciate any feedback.
Cheers…
I have a secure attachment style and at the end I just couldn’t take it anymore because she treated me with such utter disrespect. She truly lacks the emotional maturity to be in a healthy relationship. I wish her well. I do recognize my part in our relationship and how my anxieties that had been triggered and played themselves out. I have done a lot of emotional discovery and hard work regarding my traumatic childhood attachment injuries since I started dating her because I was so anxious about our relationship and our behavior towards one another.
None the less, one of the biggest questions that I have is that when my DA said that she loved me, did she really mean it? I know that this is loaded question. I know there is a spectrum for each of the attachment styles and varieties. In regards to my DA, she is exhibits strong DA traits layered with some narcissistic tendencies. Over the last six and half years, she may had said “I love you” only 3-4 times by herself without me saying it first. The times when I said that I loved her, she would reply back but in a low discernable voice that you can barely hear or would not look me into my eyes or not say anything at all. She has sent lots of text messages saying “I love you” or sent beautiful cards mentioning in the cards that she loves me. I feel that there were moments when I felt she loved me but now that I’m questioning it if it was indeed sincere. I know that I may end up being too cynical about what how she felt towards me because the way she treated me. But I’d like to believe that she did love me in her own ways or else she would not have spent six and half year with me.
Does anybody have some thoughts on this? I appreciate any feedback.
Cheers…
