Post by jami on Aug 11, 2017 10:05:59 GMT
Hello to all of you. From the beginning, I want to apologize for my possible writing mistakes, I'm not English. Please, have patience and read my story, because I'm really devastated at the moment and I need you.
I've just finished my first year at University, a year in which I met my first love. We've known each other from the common classes we had. I liked him for a long period of time, there was something at him, apart from big attraction I felt, that caught my attention. We had many common friends. The things developed quickly. In April, he invited me to go with him and with some other friends of him in a park. I went, it was nice. In the same day he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend and I accepted thinking that we would know each other in the relationship.
The beginning was kinda great. We spent an amazing time together. I must say that it was both our first relationship and also, the first time we shared intimacy, we were both virgins.now, if I look back in the past, I can state that I'm for sure an anxious preoccupied and he, a kind of dismissive/fearful avoidant. He told me that he wanted a serious relationship. He's the kind of boy who doesn't get out often and gets drunk, and he also told me that he appreciated at myself that I don't smoke, i'm beautiful, smart and so on. Sorry for giving all this details but I believe they are important.
After a short period of time, things didn't work that well. He lacked communication skills and avoided talking serious problems. He put a sort of barrier between us and that affected me a lot. I began to think that he's not that into me, or my powerful feeling of love isn't reciprocated. When I shared with him my fears, he told me that I worry too much. I also became a little bit jealous of one of his friends, because I Knew he liked that girl, but I really tried not to exaggerate. He told me several times that he chosed me, likes me, that there is no comparison between me and her. I apologized.. Every time.
Now, I will approach the end of our relationship. The session of exams arrived and we were both stressed. I told him, for his own peace, that we won't see that frequently in order to learn. Well, one night, while talking through SMS, I told him that I would go to a park near to his home, to spend a couple of minutes together. He initially agreed but some nights later, when he had a discussion, he told me that even if I get sad or no, he can't meet me because he has to learn. Those words hurt me badly. Well, he apologized later, and I forgave him. We didn't see that much during that time and I began to feel really bad. I told him one day through messages that I noticed he can easily detach from me.. Through messages he kept a distant tone and I became really worried. Times passed and one night I had an outburst. I told him that I really love him a lot, but I had the fear that it isn't reciprocated. That sometimes I don't feel loved. He told me that it is better not to say a thing.
!!Oh, I forgot to mention something very important. He told me once that he hasn't a close relationship to his parents, because they are old (50-60 years old) come from the countryside and are closed-minded.
After that night, I apologized to him for my outburst, telling him that it hurts me that things degraded to such a degree. The next day he told me that he is sorry too, but for not feeling the same way anymore. I begged him to come at my house to discuss and he came. He appeared really hurt, affected, and at the beginning hasn't said a word. Then, he told me that he is used to be lonely, that he tried to communicate with me ,but he couldn't all the time. That he knew that my needs we're normal, to spend more time together ,but that he didn't feel to stay with me all the time, but rather to be alone. I cried hard, and.. Asked that if he still cares about me but he didn't gave a precise answer telling me that he's more in love with our memories.he also told me that he needs time, and after that time we can try one more time. I hugged him, while crying, and didn't want to let him go. He then went to the door, preparing to leave, and I ran to him, hugging him, and asking for the last tike if he doesn't really care about me anymore. He began to cry hard and he told me that he still loves me and that it hurts him too.. But still left.
The next day, at evening I was walking through the centre of the city and we met accidentally but I noticed him earlier and that acted as if I didn't. He believed that I didn't see him. This is also a relevant detail.
The next day, feeling devastated, I decided to go home, because I live in another city. While preparing, someone knocked at my door. I opened and it was him. I was extremely shocked. He hugged me, then we sit on my bed and started telling me that he reflected and came to the idea that, as I told him, we can resolve our problems through communication. He then told me what upseted him, things like he didn't always want to have sex when he came at my, and that he felt obligated... Or my jealousy, or my lack of trust. I several times during our relationship, asked him more on a tone of joke if he's ashamed of me because he was hesitant to hold my hand. I apologized and admitted that I was mistaken.. Well, for both of us there was an exam left and he told me to go home as I planned and during this time, both of us think of our own faults and how to repair them. He told me that he wanted to continue with our relationship. He also told me that one of the reasons he's returned was that of he called one of his, closest friends to tell him the story, and that boy Told him that he left me confused and saw me the previous day really devastated in the city. He told me that he want to continue.
I went home happy thinking that all will be fine. But... The same distant tone in messages. All the day he spent learning, and the nights playing for several hours. Time for me.. Not really. Then I started doing research about attachment styles and realised that he is an avoidant one. I decided to let him feel free, I stopped reproaching him a thing even if he didn't give me much attention. After some days.. Noticing that he is still distant, I presented him on a calm tone, my hypothesis which was like that he cares about me, but he doesn't know if he's only attached or of it is genuine care, love. I also told him that I realised that he needs more time on his own, and that I will have patience with him because I love him, and I think that with time, things will get better. I also told him that in this equation, have to participate two persons, that I can't do nothing without him. He told me that he will think and then, continued to play.
For three days he didn't mention a thing about this, mentaining his distant tone, behavior. I couldn't resist anymore and I sent him a message in which I told him that I will exist his life.. Because I haven't found a reason to stay. That I would have done more for our relationship to work, but, as I said, I can't do nothing without him. I also told him that I am aware that feelings can not be forced but it hurted me that he didn't say a word. He answered by saying that he also thought that he thins that separation is beneficial for both of us because he is not capable and he knows, it consumes me.. He also asked me not to act like strangers when we see again at university.. I'm really devastated because I hold onto hope that he will come back... Any opinions regarding the situation? Please
and.. I'm really sure he care about me. There were times when he showed me. Once, he admitted that indeed it is his fault that I didn't feel loved..
I've just finished my first year at University, a year in which I met my first love. We've known each other from the common classes we had. I liked him for a long period of time, there was something at him, apart from big attraction I felt, that caught my attention. We had many common friends. The things developed quickly. In April, he invited me to go with him and with some other friends of him in a park. I went, it was nice. In the same day he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend and I accepted thinking that we would know each other in the relationship.
The beginning was kinda great. We spent an amazing time together. I must say that it was both our first relationship and also, the first time we shared intimacy, we were both virgins.now, if I look back in the past, I can state that I'm for sure an anxious preoccupied and he, a kind of dismissive/fearful avoidant. He told me that he wanted a serious relationship. He's the kind of boy who doesn't get out often and gets drunk, and he also told me that he appreciated at myself that I don't smoke, i'm beautiful, smart and so on. Sorry for giving all this details but I believe they are important.
After a short period of time, things didn't work that well. He lacked communication skills and avoided talking serious problems. He put a sort of barrier between us and that affected me a lot. I began to think that he's not that into me, or my powerful feeling of love isn't reciprocated. When I shared with him my fears, he told me that I worry too much. I also became a little bit jealous of one of his friends, because I Knew he liked that girl, but I really tried not to exaggerate. He told me several times that he chosed me, likes me, that there is no comparison between me and her. I apologized.. Every time.
Now, I will approach the end of our relationship. The session of exams arrived and we were both stressed. I told him, for his own peace, that we won't see that frequently in order to learn. Well, one night, while talking through SMS, I told him that I would go to a park near to his home, to spend a couple of minutes together. He initially agreed but some nights later, when he had a discussion, he told me that even if I get sad or no, he can't meet me because he has to learn. Those words hurt me badly. Well, he apologized later, and I forgave him. We didn't see that much during that time and I began to feel really bad. I told him one day through messages that I noticed he can easily detach from me.. Through messages he kept a distant tone and I became really worried. Times passed and one night I had an outburst. I told him that I really love him a lot, but I had the fear that it isn't reciprocated. That sometimes I don't feel loved. He told me that it is better not to say a thing.
!!Oh, I forgot to mention something very important. He told me once that he hasn't a close relationship to his parents, because they are old (50-60 years old) come from the countryside and are closed-minded.
After that night, I apologized to him for my outburst, telling him that it hurts me that things degraded to such a degree. The next day he told me that he is sorry too, but for not feeling the same way anymore. I begged him to come at my house to discuss and he came. He appeared really hurt, affected, and at the beginning hasn't said a word. Then, he told me that he is used to be lonely, that he tried to communicate with me ,but he couldn't all the time. That he knew that my needs we're normal, to spend more time together ,but that he didn't feel to stay with me all the time, but rather to be alone. I cried hard, and.. Asked that if he still cares about me but he didn't gave a precise answer telling me that he's more in love with our memories.he also told me that he needs time, and after that time we can try one more time. I hugged him, while crying, and didn't want to let him go. He then went to the door, preparing to leave, and I ran to him, hugging him, and asking for the last tike if he doesn't really care about me anymore. He began to cry hard and he told me that he still loves me and that it hurts him too.. But still left.
The next day, at evening I was walking through the centre of the city and we met accidentally but I noticed him earlier and that acted as if I didn't. He believed that I didn't see him. This is also a relevant detail.
The next day, feeling devastated, I decided to go home, because I live in another city. While preparing, someone knocked at my door. I opened and it was him. I was extremely shocked. He hugged me, then we sit on my bed and started telling me that he reflected and came to the idea that, as I told him, we can resolve our problems through communication. He then told me what upseted him, things like he didn't always want to have sex when he came at my, and that he felt obligated... Or my jealousy, or my lack of trust. I several times during our relationship, asked him more on a tone of joke if he's ashamed of me because he was hesitant to hold my hand. I apologized and admitted that I was mistaken.. Well, for both of us there was an exam left and he told me to go home as I planned and during this time, both of us think of our own faults and how to repair them. He told me that he wanted to continue with our relationship. He also told me that one of the reasons he's returned was that of he called one of his, closest friends to tell him the story, and that boy Told him that he left me confused and saw me the previous day really devastated in the city. He told me that he want to continue.
I went home happy thinking that all will be fine. But... The same distant tone in messages. All the day he spent learning, and the nights playing for several hours. Time for me.. Not really. Then I started doing research about attachment styles and realised that he is an avoidant one. I decided to let him feel free, I stopped reproaching him a thing even if he didn't give me much attention. After some days.. Noticing that he is still distant, I presented him on a calm tone, my hypothesis which was like that he cares about me, but he doesn't know if he's only attached or of it is genuine care, love. I also told him that I realised that he needs more time on his own, and that I will have patience with him because I love him, and I think that with time, things will get better. I also told him that in this equation, have to participate two persons, that I can't do nothing without him. He told me that he will think and then, continued to play.
For three days he didn't mention a thing about this, mentaining his distant tone, behavior. I couldn't resist anymore and I sent him a message in which I told him that I will exist his life.. Because I haven't found a reason to stay. That I would have done more for our relationship to work, but, as I said, I can't do nothing without him. I also told him that I am aware that feelings can not be forced but it hurted me that he didn't say a word. He answered by saying that he also thought that he thins that separation is beneficial for both of us because he is not capable and he knows, it consumes me.. He also asked me not to act like strangers when we see again at university.. I'm really devastated because I hold onto hope that he will come back... Any opinions regarding the situation? Please
and.. I'm really sure he care about me. There were times when he showed me. Once, he admitted that indeed it is his fault that I didn't feel loved..