If I could go back in time I would have not dated B

If your part of loving was sincere then is the regret based on the fact it wasn’t reciprocated? Or rather on the fact that it shouldn’t have been given in the first place?

Disclaimer: If what I say is too bold, condescending or unwanted please let me know and I will immediately oblige. I sometimes can be a bit blunt or terse without meaning to so I ask for collaboration here as I am merely trying to relate

So is the underlying cause of discomfort/anxiety/etc. the rejection? Or the unfulfilled expectation of a future that was kinda stolen? Bc if the future is attached to him and he doesn’t reciprocate then it’s really hard to move forward.

I’m asking because as a secure (ugh I really don’t want this to suggest I am any more knowing but this group labels) if I love someone and they don’t reciprocate it’s actually easier to reconcile than an infatuation bc the former is less tied to the ego. There is a warm and authentic feeling to draw strength from. So him being in a different place or loving someone else or not wanting me aka the rejection doesn’t outweigh the love. It eventually Morphs into ‘Ugh I friggin love B that lucky SOB.’ Like I was somehow of service - lol which totally sounds like the ego making adjustments. I guess I am asking, if the love felt good do you regret bc the suffering outweighed the love and therefore you would prefer the whole thing never happened? Or if you could pick and choose you would relive the love but without the shitty bits.

I think it is important to understand that there is more to this then just dating and then having him break up with me.....and I would really encourage you to look back over my posts because I think that will make things much clearer as to why I am saying now that in hindsight...I wish I had not dated him.

I think there’s a time to ponder on negative consequences. When the thinking becomes circular, then it’s not serving any purpose at all. There’s the belief that time heals all wounds... I don’t believe it does. Time and work heal.

I think this is a tremendous statement about your progress, I affirm you.

Thank you.  This is part of my healing....it is my personal journey.....it does not say that others need to look back on their relationships the same way.  The reason I said there was so much more to it is because the moment I “fell in love” with him (and please let me have those particular words because that is important to my healing journey) was the moment I lost the ability to see him authentically.  While I had recognized that I was way more into him, even before we dated, I did not take the self loving step of pulling back/guarding my heart and instead allowed myself to go through so much anxiety/hope and despair while trying to win and keep B, while he was simply enjoying the physical aspects of our relationship without any plans to make it anything more then just a fling (which only became truly clear once he broke up with me).  This is not about beating myself up as it is an acknowledgement that I did not choose the best course for me and if I could get a do over,  I would chose differently.  This is not about “regret”...this is about empowering myself by seeing the ramifications and seeing (perhaps for the first time) where my needs were not met.