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Post by nyc718 on Dec 18, 2019 0:29:47 GMT
nyc718 , have you read this older thread? I put a long description early on the first page about this in there too, but the whole thing is pretty interesting and talking about the fake outside / real inside issues that can happen with FA and why. jebkinnisonforum.com/thread/1501/fake I hadn't, but thank you so much, it is so informative. I definitely recognize myself younger self in that in so many ways. My mother died many years ago, and it took me a few months, but I noticed that after she died, a lot of anxiety that I had carried around all my life also seemed to die. I know my mother did the best she could, but my relationship with her was difficult my entire life. When she passed, all the worry and anxiety I had about having to parent her and be responsible for her feelings just lifted off of me. So much of my progress was made in the years after she died than all the years before, and there were many. I look forward to reading this whole thread, thank you again. |
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Post by nyc718 on Dec 18, 2019 0:33:32 GMT
In my 20s I definitely had aspects of it. I remember distinctly feeling like I was one person on the inside and another on the outside, an insecure secure person, if you will. I was able to pretend I had my shit together, but inside I was plagued with second guessing about many things. But I knew that I felt this way and I consciously wanted to feel on the inside the way I was portraying on the outside - confident, secure, decisive. I have done a lot of self introspection, therapy, self help, observation, etc over the years. I've come a long way. I am absolutely more confident in my decisions and I am able to be kind to myself if I feel that I made a misstep or mistake. I have boundaries and I have good self esteem. This does't mean though that there is never any insecurity. I can be triggered by a person or action, but I am so much better at recognizing that I am being triggered, as opposed to just reacting. I said better, not perfect! I am a work in progress till the day I die. No one is perfect Nyc, everyone makes mistakes and everyone needs someone to lean on at some time in their life. I completely agree. I'm not sure if something I wrote seemed to imply otherwise, but if so, I certainly didn't mean it. I'm not perfect, and I am not looking for perfection in anyone else. I think we are all wired for connection, and we should be. None of us can or should exist on our own. Life is too beautiful to not share it with people we care about. |
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