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Post by erasure on Aug 20, 2017 14:01:01 GMT
Hi Cricket - I am glad that baby steps are happening for you now and I hope it goes well this weekend for you.
You have a very good point - " Hardest thing is to not take every dismissive action from them personally" which does make sense but is that an acceptable excuse. I assume most Avoidants know somewhat of what they are doing/ not doing. I haven't heard from GF/ExGF (not sure at this point) for 3 weeks now and I have messaged her a handful of times in this time. Silence and No response and is very hard to not take it personally - I mean how can I not? It is disrespectful, hurtful, childish, and mean. If you want to end it and not talk to me again - can't she just say it? It's as if she has no courage or wants to hurt me. But I want to be the better person as I still care for her and give her the benefit of doubt - yet a bit of anger is coming out.
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Post by cricket on Aug 20, 2017 15:11:45 GMT
Hi Cricket - I am glad that baby steps are happening for you now and I hope it goes well this weekend for you. You have a very good point - " Hardest thing is to not take every dismissive action from them personally" which does make sense but is that an acceptable excuse. I assume most Avoidants know somewhat of what they are doing/ not doing. I haven't heard from GF/ExGF (not sure at this point) for 3 weeks now and I have messaged her a handful of times in this time. Silence and No response and is very hard to not take it personally - I mean how can I not? It is disrespectful, hurtful, childish, and mean. If you want to end it and not talk to me again - can't she just say it? It's as if she has no courage or wants to hurt me. But I want to be the better person as I still care for her and give her the benefit of doubt - yet a bit of anger is coming out. Believe me I know how u feel. Exactly what happened w me. I couldn't believe he ignored me like that but we are the ones w the knowledge of why they do it so that makes it easier for me to accept as a symptom of their attachment issues. But you're rt, does that make it Ok? That can only be answered individually. If it's not ok to u then u have to move on. Once I understand why someone behaves the way they do it makes it easier for me to not take personally. Already I can feel him pulling away and it's activating my insecurities. Supposed to see him today but who knows now. Maybe meeting his son is too much and triggered him. I did notice that when he was acting close to me , I actually started feeling scared and numb about us. We really are just taking turns triggering each other but I want to overcome that. I would love to meet someone not DA. We've been apart so often and yet neither one of us has met anyone else , we always come back to each other. I'd like to see this thru. 3 weeks is nothing in DA time. Haha. My DA ghosted for 10 weeks, last time it was a lil over 3 months. Don't look at it as waiting around for her. Shift the focus to u and your happiness as much as u can. |
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Post by erasure on Aug 21, 2017 3:31:29 GMT
Cricket - When you were first given the silent treatment for 10 weeks - did you know he was an Avoidant before he started the silent treatment? When did you learn and believe he is an avoidant?
So you accept the silent treatment as a symptom of their attachment issues and wait for them to break the silence? Do you believe avoidants realize how hurtful, childish, and disrespecting it is to their partner or former partners?
Did you end up meeting your guy this weekend?
3 weeks is nothing in DA time? Gosh that's horrible - I mean I still feel horrible. I always wonder how she feels doing this silent treatment.
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Post by cricket on Aug 21, 2017 5:04:07 GMT
Cricket - When you were first given the silent treatment for 10 weeks - did you know he was an Avoidant before he started the silent treatment? When did you learn and believe he is an avoidant? So you accept the silent treatment as a symptom of their attachment issues and wait for them to break the silence? Do you believe avoidants realize how hurtful, childish, and disrespecting it is to their partner or former partners? Did you end up meeting your guy this weekend? 3 weeks is nothing in DA time? Gosh that's horrible - I mean I still feel horrible. I always wonder how she feels doing this silent treatment. I didn't know he was an avoidant, I thought he was just a commitment phobe a-hole like my last bf. I stumbled upon it and he fit the description almost perfectly. I already knew about his childhood abuse and other traumas so it all fit perfectly. I took it real hard the first month. I wasn't waiting, I really thought he hated me and that we wud never talk again. I do not believe he thinks of it as playing games w me. I think he is truly trying to deactivate his anxiety and not dealing with me or the emotions is the only way he knows how. The first time he did it and came back after 3 months he said that last morning he left my house he felt so uncomfortable and pressure and anxiety that he just needed to get away, far away and when he left he said he felt the anxiety ease up a lil as he drove away. Its really about self preservation and coping mechanisms. It's not about u personally. So they have all these ways of not letting people get too close, like keeping calls and texts to a minimum and stuff like that. I don't wait for him to break silence, I try to go on living and learning and doing things I love and when he calls if I'm still interested then I go with it. If I was not interested anymore then I wont.so far he never leaves my mind. He said he thought of me everyday but just doesn't make the effort to reach out to me. I'm sure your girl thinks about you but is maybe overwhelmed w it rt now. Give it a month and if u still feel strongly maybe u can reach out again. |
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