Post by tnr9 on Dec 23, 2019 2:20:09 GMT
So...things are better....I don’t spend nearly as much time dwelling on B. I do find that the moments when I do...are the moments where I feel the need for connection and safety and there is this part of me that still feels like B is my go to for that. Today a neighbor who I have been friendly with accused me of being rude to her in the hall and then she said to never talk to her again. I don’t remember the incident she is talking about...but she lost someone very important in her life (which I was unaware of until she mentioned that as well) and I know she must be hurting as a result. I will put a sympathy card on her door and leave the opportunity open if she wants to speak again. This is a huge step for me...before, I would have been very sad and scared about hurting someone else while being angry and defensive that she cut me off after 1 misunderstood situation. I would have taken her words personally. But, this time, I considered how hurt she must be, and I considered myself as well. I know I would not intentionally be rude...I must have been rushed or something was misinterpreted. In any event, I am not responsible for her pain but I can take the road of care and compassion, even if she does not respond positively to it. I have choice where before I did not feel I had a choice....before it was all reaction. I have 2 appt this week with my SE therapist and plan to talk more to her about it.
