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Post by hannah99 on Dec 23, 2019 11:34:36 GMT
How did you approach telling a new partner about your attachment type?
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Post by mrob on Dec 23, 2019 14:12:31 GMT
I’ve just said it. It goes well with the other Samsonite I carry.
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Post by faithopelove on Dec 23, 2019 20:51:03 GMT
I’ve just said it. It goes well with the other Samsonite I carry. - 😂😂 |
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Post by serenity on Dec 23, 2019 23:11:21 GMT
Lul Mrob XD
I attach differently depending on the person and how the relationship plays out, so I wouldn't be able to say upfront how I will attach to someone long term. I generally attach securely with good loving people with a lot of natural empathy (and that took a lot of work and life experience to get there) But things like cheating, abuse, intermittent reinforcement will trigger anxiety and avoidant behaviour from me usually.
I couldn't see a reason to discuss this early in a relationship with someone I don't know. Its very personal. Mainly I'd spend the early months of knowing someone shit testing them to death in elaborate and subtle ways. I only want to attach to safe people, especially after encountering partners who flip after the honeymoon period.
I'll probably never date again and become a bird lady in old age. I'd really love to have a rescued pet sea eagle one day.
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Post by alexandra on Dec 23, 2019 23:23:51 GMT
Mainly I'd spend the early months of knowing someone shit testing them to death in elaborate and subtle ways. I only want to attach to safe people, especially after encountering partners who flip after the honeymoon period. Doesn't this self-sabotage? If someone was testing me, as subtle as they thought it was, I'd know and leave. That doesn't make me a bad potential partner, it makes them more insecure than I want to be responsible for, having done so much work to take responsibility for myself. hannah99, I agree with mrob. If you're aware and working on it, and your new partner has established himself as someone who seems trustworthy and hasn't done anything inconsistent to this point, you can mention it if you'd like to. I'd personally frame it as something I find interesting that I've decided to work on about myself, but that if I get triggered it's a way to help explain something that may be too difficult to explain in the moment when it happens. I wouldn't put it on him to manage your attachment style quirks, just to know in case it comes up. If he's thinking about you in a committed way as it is, he'll stick around, and it will improve your mutual communication later on. |
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Post by serenity on Dec 23, 2019 23:52:14 GMT
Mainly I'd spend the early months of knowing someone shit testing them to death in elaborate and subtle ways. I only want to attach to safe people, especially after encountering partners who flip after the honeymoon period. Doesn't this self-sabotage? If someone was testing me, as subtle as they thought it was, I'd know and leave. That doesn't make me a bad potential partner, it makes them more insecure than I want to be responsible for, having done so much work to take responsibility for myself. hannah99 , I agree with mrob . If you're aware and working on it, and your new partner has established himself as someone who seems trustworthy and hasn't done anything inconsistent to this point, you can mention it if you'd like to. I'd personally frame it as something I find interesting that I've decided to work on about myself, but that if I get triggered it's a way to help explain something that may be too difficult to explain in the moment when it happens. I wouldn't put it on him to manage your attachment style quirks, just to know in case it comes up. If he's thinking about you in a committed way as it is, he'll stick around, and it will improve your mutual communication later on. Well I meant that tongue in cheek, lol. My version of a shit test is getting to know someone / courting them over time and asking the right questions. Its still kind of shit testing IMO, without the toxic stuff. A lot of unavailable people undo themselves within the first 3-4 months of knowing them, without me having to get attached first. I wouldn't think of dating someone I didn't know well. |
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Post by mrob on Dec 24, 2019 1:04:40 GMT
Mainly I'd spend the early months of knowing someone shit testing them to death in elaborate and subtle ways. I only want to attach to safe people, especially after encountering partners who flip after the honeymoon period. Doesn't this self-sabotage? If someone was testing me, as subtle as they thought it was, I'd know and leave. That doesn't make me a bad potential partner, it makes them more insecure than I want to be responsible for, having done so much work to take responsibility for myself. hannah99, I agree with mrob. If you're aware and working on it, and your new partner has established himself as someone who seems trustworthy and hasn't done anything inconsistent to this point, you can mention it if you'd like to. I'd personally frame it as something I find interesting that I've decided to work on about myself, but that if I get triggered it's a way to help explain something that may be too difficult to explain in the moment when it happens. I wouldn't put it on him to manage your attachment style quirks, just to know in case it comes up. If he's thinking about you in a committed way as it is, he'll stick around, and it will improve your mutual communication later on. I’ve got other stigmatic stuff that needs to be wheeled out quickly that I’m not ashamed of, and I’m not ashamed of where I am with this. Most people don’t understand any of this anyway, so they don’t know what they’re dealing with. |
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Post by tnr9 on Dec 24, 2019 4:59:24 GMT
I don’t know if I would necessarily refer to it under attachment type...but more along the lines of needs and desires. I just want you to be aware that I do like to hear from the person I am dating on a regular basis....something along those lines.
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