Post by cat on Jan 18, 2020 0:31:14 GMT
Hey, sorry for my bad English. It's not my first language. I was diagnosed with FA a year ago. I was very depressed after a LTR with a NPD and so I started seeing a therapist and my wounds are now almost entirely healed. I feel now quite secure, with FA tendencies, definitely not completely FA. I'm aware of my triggers. I'm very young and I'm finishing college, I met this guy two months ago, we are both Europeans and we are both in Europe but he is incmy country with an exchange program (expiration date:July). The first month was awesome:hugging,intimacy, fun, laughs, sleeping on each other's arms. Christmas holidays come. He has to go back to his country for 3 weeks. I asked him if this was a fling or something more to him cause 3 weeks of waiting for a "relationship" which has been going on for a month is a lot. He tells me he just wants a FWB, but he doesn't want to share me with anyone. I'm upset:why all this tenderness, sleeping together, texting every day, just to get laid? If so, I told him not to text me during vacation. He did. We kept texting not all day everyday but everyday. He kept oversharing pics and videos about his family, the things he did, even making suggestions about going to his city for Erasmus and so one. I'm planning on moving soon so if I really loved the guy, I would stay in the game. He comes back, I tell him I miss him and I would like to see him. He's busy because of exams but he has time for his friends coming from his country. I tell him I don't want to talk to him as being FWBs doesn't mean texting all the time. He tells me then:'ok I'll tell when my home is free". I FREAK OUT and say bye:' I don't want to catch feels, hope you find sth more in tune with your style". He replies by telling me he misses me too but he is busy. He hasn't had sex with anyone else in the meanwhile. He has never had a FWB and it's the first time he is trying to have one. He likes talking to me and doesn't want to end things badly because we have connected in so many ways, let's do no contact for a while to cool off our relationship so when we want to hang out again it will feel like at the beginning". I reply two days after by telling him I really like him, even when it comes to sex, I felt a huge connection with me and I don't go around doing the same with other guys." No answer and 5 days have passed.
Reasons why I think he's FA:
- Hot and cold behaviour: from loving and affectionate and overtexting, to withdrawn, cold and distant. One day FWBs, next day :'Why not coming on Erasmus in my city?"
- gave him compliments and the answer was:' thank you for raising my self-esteem'
- he claims to be a" family person", I sense there are no boundaries.
- he was in a LTR with a girl 6 years older than him. The thing ended because she wanted to move in, he wanted to move abroad. (!!)
- he has said many times "I don't like saying goodbye" just because he was leaving for Christmas.
I don't think it's even fair to me to still think about this guy I haven't now seen for a month and who leaves me hanging like that. Is it? I'm so confused. If he acted like a bad person, I would have already left. But maybe he's just ghosting me... Or expecting me to be there in 2 weeks. I'm not a toy to play with.
Reasons why I think he's FA:
- Hot and cold behaviour: from loving and affectionate and overtexting, to withdrawn, cold and distant. One day FWBs, next day :'Why not coming on Erasmus in my city?"
- gave him compliments and the answer was:' thank you for raising my self-esteem'
- he claims to be a" family person", I sense there are no boundaries.
- he was in a LTR with a girl 6 years older than him. The thing ended because she wanted to move in, he wanted to move abroad. (!!)
- he has said many times "I don't like saying goodbye" just because he was leaving for Christmas.
I don't think it's even fair to me to still think about this guy I haven't now seen for a month and who leaves me hanging like that. Is it? I'm so confused. If he acted like a bad person, I would have already left. But maybe he's just ghosting me... Or expecting me to be there in 2 weeks. I'm not a toy to play with.