Fear of people/interviews | Jeb Kinnison Attachment Type Forum

thisgirlhere
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Posts: 1

Fear of people/interviews Jan 26, 2020 20:36:18 GMT

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Post by thisgirlhere on Jan 26, 2020 20:36:18 GMT

Hi everyone,

As a FA, I have this crippling fear of any form of judgement. Due to my husbands line of work, we are constantly moving around and I'm constantly having to apply for and start new jobs. It's been very difficult for me and now we're moving yet again and I have to go through the process of interviews... again, and I just can't get myself to do it. I have fears of being judged by the interviewer. I have fears of being hired and being found out to be a "fraud". I have fears of being unable to form relationships in the work place, or being unable to put up proper boundaries. I can't keep cycling people in and out of my life because meeting new people/forming relationships is exhausting and anxiety inducing for me. I just can't seem to will myself to go through this whole process again and my husband (SA) is very confused and doesn't understand why this is so hard for me. What have you guys done to get over this type of anxiety?

alexandra
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Fear of people/interviews Jan 27, 2020 9:35:47 GMT via mobile

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Post by alexandra on Jan 27, 2020 9:35:47 GMT

thisgirlhere, I've felt this way and hate interviews.

One issue may be that you're looking at this as everyone else has the power to judge you and you are powerless in this situation, which makes you anxious and resentful. The lack of control is uncomfortable. Another is related to fear of any failure and rejection, and not having enough compassion for yourself or thinking that failure is ever acceptable.

I actually found that it's really important to have the perspective of an interview is a two-way street of mutual information gathering, and you deserve to find a good fit just as much as they deserve to hire a good candidate like you. Frankly, if you are most focused on winning the job and not interviewing them back, you are more likely to end up in toxic work environment after toxic work environment! Which creates more future interviewing anxiety with fears of all this stuff you're mentioning above. It's hard to get into this mindset, though, if it doesn't come naturally. You have to do self-work to trust yourself enough and always have your own back, so that the feeling of judgement doesn't really matter at the end of the day, and neither does rejection. Have you ever seen a therapist? They should have exercises to help that kind of anxiety.

Last Edit: Jan 27, 2020 9:37:39 GMT by alexandra

anne12
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Fear of people/interviews Jan 27, 2020 10:44:08 GMT

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Post by anne12 on Jan 27, 2020 10:44:08 GMT

What Alexandra is saying but also:

Your situation sounds stressfull.

Do you know how to regulate your nerveussystem ?
The watertank exercise is excellent to help you to land your nerveussystem.
If you practise the exercise every single day from now on you can use it while you are being interviewed without people are able to notise. (The short version)
There are also other good regulating exercises in the thread.

jebkinnison.boards.net/thread/880/self-regulating-regulation-exercises-ect

Also accepting your feelings and your anxiety right no w can maybe be helpful.

"...my husband (SA) is very confused and doesn't understand why this is so hard for me...."
- what does he say ? Is he able to be supportive and acceting towards you even if he dosent understand ?
What are your dreams ? Do you have resistance because you are compromising too much ?

How do you think that your partner can help you ? Even if he doesn't understand, can you ask for what you need from him in the situation that you are in right now ? Can you tell him how he can be supportive to you ?

Uncertainty can be triggering for all people. Having to seek new jobs because of your partners carrer. Something that you do not choose yourself IT sounds like.

- but expecially for people with some desorganised attatchment style/trauma uncertanty can Be stressfull.

SA = securely attatched ?

Does he know what it means to have desorganised attatchment style ?

Last Edit: Jan 27, 2020 14:38:56 GMT by anne12