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Post by maxymax on Feb 7, 2020 0:54:03 GMT
I was just thinking about this and wanted to ask you guys what you think.
Things with my ex are VERY confusing to me.
She wanted to date me after the first time we met. Was showing very high interest. Hanging out multiple times a week, texting every day. Telling me she can't stop thinking about me all the time. That being with me is the happiest she'd been in a long time. Introducing me to her family, friends, co-workers. Texting me in the middle of the night how much she loves me. I can go on but she made me think she was totally in love with me, very happy being with me and committed to our relationship.
Then one day, she turned cold and a couple of days later she ended things.
Saying I deserved somebody who loved me as much as I loved her, that we were different people, that I always want to do what she wants, that she felt contained. All of this totally out of nowhere. None of it made any sense whatsoever. None of the things she said were dominant in our relationship. I was completely blindsided.
Although I think this fits avoidant, for others it may seem that she just wasn’t that into me and just decided to end the relationship.
What do you think is the difference, and have any of you experienced something similar?
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Post by dhali on Feb 7, 2020 1:08:44 GMT
Difficult to diagnose, especially without knowing her previous dating history, but what you describe *could* be fearful avoidant. It sounds like you got love bombed a little bit. Put up on a pedestal, at least emotionally, and then tore that thing down in one swift move. That fits the archetype.
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Post by maxymax on Feb 7, 2020 1:17:41 GMT
Difficult to diagnose, especially without knowing her previous dating history, but what you describe *could* be fearful avoidant. It sounds like you got love bombed a little bit. Put up on a pedestal, at least emotionally, and then tore that thing down in one swift move. That fits the archetype. She had a long term boyfriend in college I think it was about 3-3.5 years. After that mostly flings as in dating a guy for 2-3 months and then ending it and then onto the next. I could provide more details, just didn't want to make the post too long. |
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Post by amber on Feb 7, 2020 2:55:40 GMT
Difficult to diagnose, especially without knowing her previous dating history, but what you describe *could* be fearful avoidant. It sounds like you got love bombed a little bit. Put up on a pedestal, at least emotionally, and then tore that thing down in one swift move. That fits the archetype. She had a long term boyfriend in college I think it was about 3-3.5 years. After that mostly flings as in dating a guy for 2-3 months and then ending it and then onto the next. I could provide more details, just didn't want to make the post too long. How old is she? Sounds a bit like my ex FA. If she has a history of short term r/ships where she ends things that’s a strong predictor of what will keep happening in the future. You were bound to be the next in line... |
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Post by dhali on Feb 7, 2020 3:51:58 GMT
What you’re describing fits nicely into describing a fearful avoidant’s behavior. I’m going to guess 2-3 months?  Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I get it, it feels crummy being the next in line. It might help to think about it from her perspective. She doesn’t even know what’s going on, and honestly thinks it’s everyone else. Unless she one day works very hard at fixing this, she’s going to live her life unattached and not knowing intimacy at a couple level. |
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Post by maxymax on Feb 7, 2020 4:57:33 GMT
She had a long term boyfriend in college I think it was about 3-3.5 years. After that mostly flings as in dating a guy for 2-3 months and then ending it and then onto the next. I could provide more details, just didn't want to make the post too long. How old is she? Sounds a bit like my ex FA. If she has a history of short term r/ships where she ends things that’s a strong predictor of what will keep happening in the future. You were bound to be the next in line... Turning 26 next month. Is her past long term relationship more indicative of what she's capable of or is it her more recent flings? What you’re describing fits nicely into describing a fearful avoidant’s behavior. I’m going to guess 2-3 months? Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I get it, it feels crummy being the next in line. It might help to think about it from her perspective. She doesn’t even know what’s going on, and honestly thinks it’s everyone else. Unless she one day works very hard at fixing this, she’s going to live her life unattached and not knowing intimacy at a couple level. She definitely did "blame" me for the reasons her feelings changed even though she said I was so amazing and perfect and didn't do anything wrong etc. Her past serious relationship is sort of proof to me she is capable of attaching and maintaining a pretty serious relationship even if it was in college or is that totally bogus way of looking at it? |
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Post by alexandra on Feb 7, 2020 5:19:36 GMT
maxymax, just because it was long doesn't mean it was stable or healthy. I dated someone for 2 years in college who was pretty screwed up, and we were super codependent. Didn't prove anything about other relationships except I needed to work on my AP attachment style because I endured long-term codependency with avoidants that also had other problems.
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