Can a DA change his attachment style that easily?

No empathy isn't typical avoidant behavior. It can happen temporarily during deactivation because the nervous system is shut down and in self defense mode. But true no empathy is a form of sociopathy. A person of decent character wouldn't just ghost on a partner of 5 years and move on without a word. There's very likely other mental health issues going on there, and his "commitment" level to the new woman has nothing to do with you.

I'm sorry that happened, and it's certainly extremely painful to just be abandoned by a partner of so long. You're not going to feel any better comparing your situation with the new person's though -- you may in fact feel a bit sorry for her because she likely doesn't know his true character yet and past behavior is a huge predictor of future behavior. I personally would never, ever want to date someone who ghosted wordlessly on a long-term ex to end the relationship. The only thing you can really do now as you go through the mourning process is examine within yourself why you were willing to stay so long with someone who refused to meet your needs, and start to rebuild your own self-esteem. But whatever happened has zero to do with him changing his attachment style, he just is a garbage person and he still sucks.

I'm glad this helps. When I was breaking up with my last DA, I had a sense to reach out to his previous ex, who he had vilified to me. She was absolutely lovely to me and confirmed all the behaviors that I had been experiencing. She advised me to GTFO, and I did, but the break up dragged on for a while. It's almost better that he ghosted you. 

There’s more to this than meets the eye, I’d say.

I can relate to having a woman cry in front of me and having nothing at my disposal. Just nothing there. Knowing I should do or feel something, but nothing.

Thank you everyone for your replies.

The last day I spoke to him was on the phone. He sounded irritable so I asked him why. He said he was going to the gym and didn't want to have this conversation. I told him we should be open about our problems and he replied that I'm whining again and that he has more serious issues in his life to deal with (I was not aware of any issues). The conversation was getting heated so I asked him to come over to my house on Friday and he agreed.


He never showed up. I was used to him disappearing after arguments so I let a few days pass by. Then I started to get worried. I called his mum who assured me he is ok. I was so angry and tired of being ignored, so I messaged him on facebook, saying "You promised me you'd come over my house on Friday. You ignore me for 2 weeks straight which is belittling to me. If I don't hear from you till tomorrow, I'll assume you've broken up with me." He read my message but never replied.

Our common friend told me that his parents found out about his new gf in August. They got very upset that he had broken up with me. They told him that his gf is not welcome to their house. Even to this day, his parents are still giving him the cold shoulder.

But even knowing that, doesn't give me relief. He got rid of me like garbage, the fastest way possible. He knew I was having a bad time dealing with symptoms of an autoimmune disease, but he didn't even have the decency of a proper breakup. I got bad flare ups due to the stress of being ghosted.

But here we are today, me depressed and him, having fun with his gf, guilt-free.