Post by matthewcharles on Mar 3, 2020 5:25:29 GMT
I met this girl in October via a dating app.
We went out for dinner and drinks and slept together on the first date.
In the weeks that followed she came onto me SUPER strong, liking all my FB and insta photos and being almost 'Clingy' compared to what i was used to (just came out of a relationship with an FA).
As an FA/Secure myself, I was immediately suspicious of her and how much she seemed to be into me, telling me how great an amazing i was etc, so i maintained my distance, although secretly i loved the reassurance and felt safe to give it back.
6 weeks went by of her calling, texting, planning dates, staying over at my house.
Soon enough, I decided to tell her I liked her and was comfortable enough to work towards a relationship.
Given how strong she came onto me, I expected her to be like ‘ yes, great!... Instead she said ‘lets take things slow’ I agreed and we enjoyed the rest of the date.
After that, didn’t hear from her for 4 days.
We caught up and discussed it and were seemingly back on the same page.
Another two months went by of the same, dates, sex, holding hands in public etc.
All seemed well and like a relationship.
One night i saw a message pop up on her phone from another guy, talking about sex.
I was baffled by this because she would act like we were together, yet thought it was normal and respectful to have a number of guys on the side.
Anyway, soon enough I started to notice she began picking out faults in me, legit the smallest things, like how i didn't share my fruit with her, or I had cardless cash and not an actual debit card.
She made huuuuge deals out of these things.
On NYE I spent the night with her family.
I was excited because it was a step towards intimacy.
At the end of the night she started a fight about me ‘acting weird’ (i needed to use the bathroom often).
We got back on track and all seemed to be going great.
We went on more dates, sex, etc.
Then she went on a four day trip.
She wouldn't tell me who she was going with, ‘because she didn't owe me an answer’, but I saw on instagram she was there with her previous FWB and his friends.
Ok, there just friends now I thought, fair enough and this was most likely the case, as he probably got discarded after trying to get close aswell.
I tried to address it as i found it disrespectful that she would treat me like her BF, but whenever i tried to talk about the relationship and where it was going she would stonewall me and give me the silent treatment and then say ‘ we’re not together, so i don't owe you an explanation’.
This past month on valentine's day we went for dinner, we had reached the closest point in our relationship.
On that day she posted to Instagram a gift another guy had gotten her.
I found this odd because she would be telling me ‘how good i was etc and going to dinner for $200 a head yet posting gifts from another guy on her story.
When i brought it up, calmly and said i found that disrespectful she stonewalled me.
Just this past week after a weekend at my house and a three day no contact withdrawal i brought up the fact i needed to see her at least 1 once or 2nce a week like before for us to be exclusive, to which she hung up the phone and stonewalled me.
Moments later she sent a text saying, 'we're not on the same page anymore’ and went silent.
Looking back on this, the DA in her is clear as day although I mistaked her as secure in the beginning.
Signs she is DA
Came on SUPER STRONG.
Emotionless Sex
Lots of Sex
Treated me like her boyfriend, yet after 5 months when i tried to discuss what we were doing she would try deflect, postpone the chat or not reply and then withdraw after.
Picked out faults in me. - The ways I eat, dress, take photos of myself for insta (yet she is constantly on her phone taking selfies).
Using small things I'd done and blowing them up as huuuge deals, then withdrawing for a few days.
Saw other people on the side and tried to hide it. (These people aren't even people she would date or find attractive). A clear DA distancing move to bring insecurity to the relationship.
Never was allowed at her house.
Whenever we spoke about feelings or what we liked about each other, she would say "Everything", and I'd be liked, 'yeah but like what' and she'd say "Everything", with a blank glazed look.
When i calmly tried to get clarification of why she was distant and said I need more from her, she would say 'well leave then!' with little emotion beside passive aggressiveness. (DA's don't attach, so detaching is easy for her).
She grew up without a dad, and had an overbearing enmeshed mother.
Looking back the pattern is clear - hook guys with sex and coming on strong.
Once a certain level of emotional intimacy was reached or attachment on either end, the distancing began and then waits for the person to get fed up and when they do she tells them she’s done.
She then moves onto the next less demanding guy she has hooked and the cycle repeats.
Actually quite sick.
A secure person would take there time getting to know someone and make it clear what they are after, a DA seems to 'act the part' and trick there partner into believing they are fully invested and will act as such until they show their true colours when it gets real.
Does this resonate with anyone else?
