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Post by fatalcharm on Aug 28, 2017 23:15:49 GMT
I posted a similar question in the FA section. Are there any Avoidants here that can share how you feel about romantic gestures from your partner? It seems that whenever I send my FA flowers or a romantic text or anything that past girlfriends swooned over, it has a distancing effect rather than a heartwarming one. Has anyone had the same experience?
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Post by jaleesa on Aug 29, 2017 9:43:10 GMT
Not from my partner, but I'm avoidant in friendships and when I receive gifts from my friends, I feel very uncomfortable. It feels like I owe them and the only thing I want is to run for the hills. I feel like I don't deserve it because I can't reciprocate so I always feel guilty. I do appreciate it very much though and I love my friends, I just don't know how to react at the moment, so most of the time it's very awkward and I try to shift the conversation to something else.
When I was with my DA ex I could feel he felt uncomfortable too, in both giving and receiving. I didn't mind because I'm not the romantic type either, but I thought he would like it once in awhile. Couldn't be further from the truth haha. I once filled the whole living room with candles for his birthday and when he came home, he said "thank you" and immediately went upstairs to play video games. I stopped doing these things after this.
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Post by abolish on Aug 29, 2017 11:07:15 GMT
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Post by inspiring on Aug 29, 2017 15:29:39 GMT
I can only report from my ex, who is a DA. He felt very shy and touched when I gave him a present, or when he saw how much personal touch, heart and empathy (knowing what the other person likes) I put into presents for friends. He expressed that he was proud of me, and that he was bad at doing such a thing.
As said, while receiving presents from me he felt shy and verbalized it this way.
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Post by fatalcharm on Aug 29, 2017 16:00:56 GMT
It definitely can trigger a defence mechanism. I'm FA and after doing an introspect, in my opinion, it's a matter of feeling safe- they're not there yet. It's also an awful overwhelming/suffocating feeling so they won't help it, don't blame them. If I were you I'd not force it on an avoidant. If you want to show them your love, be stable, consistent and make them feel safe. DA I know, he'd run away because of innocent "Good morning" texts, now I can throw I love you's on him and I think he enjoys it. Thank you abolish. Can you elaborate on what you mean by "safe"? My girlfriend has used this word to describe her exes as compared to me, but when I asked her what made them "safe" and me "unsafe" she didn't have answer. I kind of got the feeling she didn't really like them that much and that's why they were "safe", but that was just my own interpretation, not something she said. Any thoughts? |
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Post by abolish on Aug 29, 2017 16:23:31 GMT
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