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Post by seeking on Mar 11, 2020 0:33:07 GMT
I'm watching people in the face of this pandemic and it's interesting to watch what appear to be coping mechanisms. Some people are pretty checked out. Our state just declared a state of emergency, and people are still going about things as usual like nothing is happening. I guess what concerns me is my alarm about them. I'm not particularly fearful - I'm taking practical precautions and gathering some foods, and vitamins etc but for those who are like "Eh, whatever, what's the big deal" I feel alarmed and concerned? Almost like it puts a real disconnect there for me. Or, I should say, it makes me strongly want to disconnect.
Thoughts on this from maybe an attachment perspective?
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Post by alexandra on Mar 12, 2020 5:57:01 GMT
I'm earned secure but used to be AP. I'm in an area with many confirmed cases.
I'm definitely doing a mix of anxiety and avoidance. I'm avoiding leaving my house much, which we're being asked to do anyway, but I clearly recognize that it's a freeze response more than anything. Anxiety is in pouring over information to get an accurate picture of what's going on to then respond strategically. Like, to try to make safer decisions, but also knowing some stuff is going to just be out of my control.
I'm much more chill than I'd have been when I was still AP, and not going into a complete panic. I'm also not taking as good care of myself as I could, and have made sure I have the means to exercise more, get fresh air, eat healthfully (plus also good desserts). But need to unfreeze and start doing it, which will certainly make things feel better.
Also taking into consideration how to compensate for social isolation. So far, lots of phone calls, some texting and video chatting. For friends who live in the neighborhood, we've discussed taking walks when the weather is decent. Definitely more reconnection with friends I haven't spoken to in a bit longer than I'd have liked, and hearing how their local experiences and changes are going, and how they compare.
Because we're all going through it, or will be even if some people haven't had outbreaks catch up yet. The patterns from when they start have all basically tracked from country to country, besides places that wisely intervened really early!
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Post by alexandra on Mar 12, 2020 6:00:24 GMT
seeking, "I feel alarmed and concerned? Almost like it puts a real disconnect there for me. Or, I should say, it makes me strongly want to disconnect. Thoughts on this from maybe an attachment perspective?" I don't know that this is attachment specific. This is a situation that impacts all of us as a community and therefore is impacted by its members looking out for each other and making sacrifices. So it is scary to see people not making any routine changes. Then, if you feel fear from that being out of your control, withdrawing seems like a somewhat reasonable next step for feeling distrust of others.
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Post by anne12 on Mar 13, 2020 7:18:25 GMT
I think you can try to get the right information and be as well informed as possible and take your precautions.
I would tell people who behaves indifferent to try to seak information (or I tell them what's going on and where to find the right information) give them an eyegaze and great them with a hand on my heart while keeping a dis tance of 2-3 meters.
I would also use some of the nerveus system resources and meditations ect to help me regulate.
A lot of people have got grandparents or know people with low immune system or other deseases, so we all have to think and take care of these people and take ca tare byof eachother taking our precourtions so that we do not spread the virus. To me it is very disrespectful not to take this virus seriously.
People with stress in their system can have low immune system.
Most countries have already got the virus by now. And it can easily get out of control. It just shows that the authorities are acting way too slow.
A government who acts serious and tries to give people the right information and uses different kind of experts to give information can be helpfull - I also whised people could get trauma informed (nerevues system informed)
A lockdown can get people to think and act differently and slows down the virusspread..
People should look at what happend/what's happening in China, Italy, Iran, Denmark (Denmark has a lock down now because the number. of infected people has gone up and ten doubled within 3 days or so and because of the who announcement ect.)
Imo the countries should work together and learn from eachother
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Post by seeking on Mar 14, 2020 8:56:42 GMT
I guess how I see it as attachment related is that people who seem to have avoidant tendancies are being really "checked out" about it or in functional freeze.
I'll admit, I'm in freeze with it too. I move from panic to freeze. I've not been able to sleep, which sucks. I'm a single mom caring for a daughter and have been through a lot of trauma this past year.
I guess it just brings up a lot because for a year, someone tried to paint me as crazy in a court case and gas-lit me. Now, if I talk to people about the need to be safe, prepare, protect, etc they treat me like I'm crazy, namely my mom and it's been super painful.
I saw this coming and acted immediately (I'm also an Enneagram 6) and was bewildered by the people around me not reflecting the state of emergency. I started to doubt myself (this felt like more gaslighting) - my mom saw my brother in law stockpiling and said to my sister "well, if he's doing it... maybe she (meaning me) isn't being crazy." That's always the role I've had in the family - the identified patient and extreme and crazy. I went to therapy for years to be told I wasn't crazy.
Then I start telling my mo to take care, and she acts like I'm nutty and just another one of my latest crazy obsessions.
Then this week, she and I fought about something unrelated, and she knew my daughter's school closed (which put me in a bind b/c I work and don't have child support) and instead of being compassionate, she calls one day and says "How's your daughter." I don't know why that got me so upset. Like how about someone ask me how I am? I'm the one holding down the fort. So I blew up. Which I now regret.
The next day she offered to help and I admitted that I couldn't trust her. If she was going to act like nothing was going on on the world and somehow put my daughter at risk, then I couldn't trust her and couldn't leave my daughter in her care. I meant it. I wanted/needed the help yet my dad (who lives with my mom) was still going to a million meetings and shaking hands and they were going to church and work, and I didn't want to put my daughter at that risk for one afternoon of care. I was then venting about my life b/c I just needed an outlet at that point, and she said "And how does this involve me?" And that hurt. Then she said, "So you tell me when I can see my granddaughter." and in that way that we know what someone close is really saying with their words - I heard "You go and be a crazy person but don't keep me from my granddaughter," and it triggered this huge response b/c I had just spent a year fighting with someone in court who was making me out to be crazy.
And then she hung up on me and won't answer her phone since. She told my sister she wasn't answering the phone either. And my sister is like, '"huh?"
Anyway, this just feels like drama in the midst of drama and I am so darn tired of drama. And it's the last thing I need right now when I'm facing 2 months of isolating with my daughter and trying to keep my business going and keep me safe.
It's really opened my eyes to the reason I was in so many toxic relationships and have always undermined myself with so much doubt. It makes me terribly sad to think about it.
It makes me sad too that I got so completely stressed thinking my ex was going to force me to make our daughter come to his house this weekend when his county went into lockdown. He said he'd give me a "pass" this time but the fact that I tried to come up with so many reasons, just to protect my daughter, as if our state being in crises alone wasn't enough, makes me realize how much I've done that my whole life - dealing with super unreasonable people.
Like what world would I live in if my mom can say something like "Of course you're stressed, look at all you have going on." or "Don't worry about me seeing her, we will when this is over. I'll call you tomorrow and check on you." Etc.
Or my ex would say "thank you for taking care of her and looking out for her."
Anyway, thanks for the space to vent. I definitely see how the avoidance operate and how me (anxious) shows up in this.
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