Triggered by someone who isnt my partner | Jeb Kinnison Attachment Type Forum

Me
Junior Member

Posts: 54

Triggered by someone who isnt my partner Apr 9, 2020 22:32:56 GMT via mobile

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Post by Me on Apr 9, 2020 22:32:56 GMT

I have been talking to a " friend who I had been casually seeing in the past before my partner and I got together . We occasionally chat and I always thought when I end up single I might see him again but only casually because I dont want another relationship . Something happened last night and I felt really triggered anxious by him . It was completely unexpected because I definitely do not want anything serious with him.

In my current relationship we are on the verge of breaking up . I'm really hurt by him and we basically hate each other but I still sometimes get upset or ruminate over things. Not that I'm worried I will lose him more just that I'm upset and angry about the way he has treated me .

Has anyone ever been in a relationship and then been triggered by someone else ? I wonder if this will help me more to distance or stop being triggered by my current partner or if it means I am detaching from him finally . It's just completely surprised me

dhali
Senior Member

Posts: 346

Triggered by someone who isnt my partner Apr 9, 2020 22:38:14 GMT via mobile

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Post by dhali on Apr 9, 2020 22:38:14 GMT

Emotional affairs are hard to handle. If the relationship you’re in Is ending, you should just end it. The universal advice on these forums is to communicate your needs and be open and honest with your partner. Anything shy of that, and you’re self sabotaging and own at least half of the resulting mess.

As for a sudden attachment pang for someone else, it’s because you’re feeling an attachment void (would be my guess). Whenever I breakup with someone, I think of my past girlfriends with fondness and have a yearning to reach out. I don’t though. Not anymore, anyhow.

Last Edit: Apr 9, 2020 22:41:13 GMT by dhali

Me
Junior Member

Posts: 54

Triggered by someone who isnt my partner Apr 9, 2020 22:57:19 GMT via mobile

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Post by Me on Apr 9, 2020 22:57:19 GMT

I've tried to communicate and he stonewalls me everytime so theres not any point . I've been trying to leave but I have things to sort out first and with the corobavirus situation it's even more difficult but hopefully I will be able to leave soon .

Maybe you are right there is a void and that is why I'm feeling this way . It has completely shocked me because I've always thought there is no way I want a relationship again at all and I wasnt talking to my friend with a view to have an affair or anything it was just the occasional snapchat message about work or pets etc . It's just a shock I felt triggered over a tiny misunderstanding which a half hour or so later I realised was completely silly and that he probably hadnt even thought anything of it .